>> Jimmy: IT'S GREAT TO HAVE YOU
HERE.
I WANT TO THANK YOU, FIRST OF
ALL, FOR SENDING BURRITOS TO OUR
SHOW.
>> YOU ARE WELCOME, KIMMEL
STAFF.
>> Jimmy: I KNOW YOUR HUSBAND IS
THE CHEF WHO MADE THEM.
>> IT WAS VERY STRATEGIC ON MY
PART.
YOUR WIFE IS A BIG FAN OF THAT
BURRITO, AND MY HUSBAND IS THE
ONE WHO INVENTED THAT BURRITO,
AND WE THOUGHT WE'D SEND SOME
ALONG.
>> Jimmy: IT IS LIKE A CHRISTMAS
EVE TRADITION AT OUR HOUSE, FOR
LUNCH WE WILL HAVE THOSE
BURRITOS.
AND YOU'RE VERY TALENTED, TOO, I
DON'T WANT TO MAKE THIS ALL
ABOUT HIM.
I'M SURPRISED WE HAVEN'T MET
BEFORE.
HAVE YOU BEEN HERE TO THIS SHOW
BEFORE?
>> I'VE NOT BEEN ON THE SHOW,
BUT I HAVE BEEN HERE TO THE
SHOW.
IN 2007, WHEN I WAS LIKE REALLY
YOUNG.
I WAS IN THE GREEN MANY ROO.
Y
YOU HAVE LIKE YOUR BIG GREENROOM
PARTIES.
AT THAT TIME, NOW YOU'RE
MARRIED.
I TOTALLY GET IT.
I WAS HERE WITH A FRIEND AND HAD
TO LEAVE EARLY.
IT WAS SO GLAMOROUS WITH ALL
THESE FREE SNACKS EVERYWHERE.
IT WAS LIKE, JUST ONE MORE, I
PROMISE I WON'T -- AND I HAD TO
GO TO SAN DIEGO.
AND THEY DIDN'T PAY IN CASH, BUT
THEY LET YOU PICK AN ITEM OFF
THE MENU.
I REMEMBER MY SAD CHEVY BLAZER,
ONE DAY I'LL BE ON JIMMY KIMMEL,
AND I WON'T BE PAID IN CHICKEN
FINGERS!
AND TODAY IS THAT DAY, BUT THERE
WERE CHICKEN FINGERS.
>> Jimmy: IT'S EASY FOR PEOPLE
TO SEE, AND YOU'VE GOT
BILLBOARDS ON NETFLIX, ALL THESE
SPECIAL TH
SPECIALS AND SUCCESS.
IT'S A REMINDER YOU WERE DRIVING
TO SAN DIEGO ON A WEEK NIGHT.
>> ON A WEEK NIGHT.
AND I HAD A DESK JOB, JUST LIKE
EVERY YOUNG GIRL DREAMS AND
YOU'RE DOING SEVERAL SETS A
NIGHT WITH YOUR OWN MERCH AND A
DUFFLE BAG.
>> Jimmy: WHEN DID YOU FIRST DO
STANDUP?
>> I DID STANDUP ON A SHIP.
A SEMESTER AT SEA.
SHOUT OUT.
IT WAS LIKE AN OPEN MIC ON THE
SHIP WITH 600 OTHER STUDENTS
FROM ALL OVER THE COUNTRY, LIKE
AN OPEN MIC NIGHT AND I GOT UP
AND STARTED TALKING ABOUT THE
INTERACTIONS BETWEEN ALL THE
FRAT GUYS AND THE SORORITY GIRLS
ON THE SHIP AND THAT CREATED THE
LENS THROUGH WHICH I LOOKED AT
SOCIETY.
IT WAS LIKE ME LOOKING AT ALL
THE GIRLS GETTING THE IDEA OF
APES.
GIRLS ARE LIKE, DID I LEAVE MY
STUDY BOOK IN HERE?
AND GUYS ARE LIKE, UH.
>> Jimmy: THAT'S VIDEO GAMES, I
HOPE.
>> IT WAS A GROUP.
UH.
>> Jimmy: SO PEOPLE WERE
ACTUALLY DOING SCHOOLWORK ON THE
SHIP?
>> THE CHILDREN THAT WERE THERE
ON ACADEMIC SCHOLARSHIPS WERE.
THE REST OF US WERE GETTING
S-CANNED.
CAN I SAY THE S WORD?
AT PLACES LIKE THE TAJ MAHAL.
IT GIVE YOU A GLOBAL PERSPECTIVE
OF HOW THE REST OF YOUR LIFE'S
GOING TO BE.
>> Jimmy: LOOK AT THIS, HERE YOU
ARE NOW, IN A MOVIE WITH MARK
WAHLBERG.
>> I AM IN A MOVIE!
>> Jimmy: IT'S A BIG DEAL.
>> A VERY BIG DEAL.
>> Jimmy: HOW DID THAT COME TO
PASS?
>> I'D LOVE TO BE LIKE, THEY
JUST CALLED AND SAID CAN YOU ADD
YOUR MAGIC?
NO, I WENT TO AN AUDITION AND I
REMEMBER GETTING THE SIDES, AND
IT SAID DO NOT DO A BOSS DTON
ACCENT.
>> Jimmy: THE SIDES ARE A SMALL
PIECE OF THE SCRIPT.
>> A SMALL BIT.
AND IT SAID NO BOSTON ACCENT.
I'M LIKE, MARK WAHLBERG, I KNOW
IT'S GOING TO BE SHOT IN BOSTON,
I WON'T DO IT.
BUT THE LINE IS, EVERY DAY I
PRAY TO ST. JUDE FOR A REASON TO
LEAVE YOU.
AND I WAS LIKE, I CAN'T NOT DO A
BOSTON ACCENT AND INVOKE THE
NAME ST. JUDE.
I WAS LIKE, YOU GOT TO GO
BOSTON, GO BOSTON, GO BIG.
AND I WENT IN AND DID THE
ACCENT.
AND TANKED IT, OBVIOUSLY.
AND THEN A COUPLE WEEKS LATER WE
WERE SUPPOSED TO HEAR ON FRIDAY.
IF YOU'VE EVER AUDITIONED FOR
ANYTHING IT'S JUST LIKE FORGET
ABOUT IT, LIVE YOUR LIFE, AND
I'M LIKE, I CAN'T!
AND I HAD FLOWN TO BOSTON TO DO
A GIG.
IT'S FRIDAY AFTERNOON, I'M IN MY
HOTEL ROOM, AND I DYAZIECIDE, I
AGAINST EVERY MOLECULE GO MY
BODY, I TURN THE PHONE OFF,
THREE MINUTES LATER, I TURN IT
BACK ON U AN, AND I HAD A MISSEL
FROM MY AGENT.
OKAY, THEY'RE GOING TO TELL ME I
DIDN'T GET IT AND IT'S BEFORE I
GO ON STAGE.
COOL.
MY AGENT GOES, MARK WAHLBERG
WANTS TO CALL YOU, AND I'M LIKE,
I'M NOT WEARING ANY MAKEUP.
AND SHE WAS LIKE HE JUST WANTS
TO TALK TO YOU.
AND I WAS LIKE, THAT'S SO SWEET,
HE IS TAKING TIME OUT OF HIS DAY
TO LET ME KNOW I DIDN'T GET THE
PART.
WHAT A JACGENTLEMAN.
THEY CONNECT ME, AND I WENT TO
SCHOOL IN BOSTON.
WE HAD A TV THAT SAT ON A
WHEELCHAIR.
NOW I'M OVERLOOKING THE BOSTON
COMMON, WOULDN'T IT BE
WONDERFUL?
HE'S LIKE HEY, HE HAS A PRETTY
GOOD BOSTON ACCENT.
AND THEN IT GOT QUIET, OKAY,
YOU'RE HOT.
AND HE GOES, HE JUST GOES, SO,
ARE YOU READY TO GET CRAZY WITH
US?
AND IN HOLLYWOOD, IT'S SUCH A
LIKE, WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH WE'RE
NOT HIRING YOU.
SO I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE
LEGALESE IS FOR ARE YOU READY TO
GET CRAZY, I'M LIKE, DO I HAVE
THE GIG?
I NEED TO HEAR IT.
HE'S LIKE, YEAH.
WE'LL SEE YOU IN A COUPLE WEEKS.
AND I'M LIKE, YES!
AND I SCREAMED SO LOUD THAT
SECURITY SEPTEMBER SONT SOMEONEE
SURE I'M OKAY.
I'M LIKE, I'M OKAY!
>> Jimmy: IT'S A MIRACULOUS
STORY, FROM SAN DIEGO TO THE
SEA.
>> FROM CHICKEN FINGERS TO
BOSTON COMMONS.
>> Jimmy: ILIZA SHLESINGER!
"SPENSER CONFIDENTIAL" IS
AVAILABLE ON NETFLIX A WEEK FROM FRIDAY.