I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS BUT THIS WAS IN THE NEWS YESTERDAY.
A CHURCH CONGREGATION IN OHIO WAS TRYING TO SPREAD A MESSAGE
ABOUT GENEROSITY. SO WHAT THEY DID WAS THEY
ORDERED ONE $6 PIZZA AND TIPPED THEIR DOMINOS DELIVERY
DRIVER $1,000!
I KNOW! A $1,000 TIP.
CAN YOU IMAGINE?
YOU KNOW THE SECOND THE DRIVER LEFT, THEY OPENED THE PIZZA AND
WERE LIKE "AW MAN! WE SAID NO ONIONS!"
[LAUGHTER] THIS STORY IS SHOCKING.
I MEAN, THIS IS THE FIRST TIME SOMEONE WHO ORDERED DOMINOS
ACTUALLY HAD $1,000.
[LAUGHTER] IMAGINE IF YOU'RE IN THAT
CONGREGATION, AND THAT DAY YOU PUT $50 IN COLLECTION PLATE.
YOU'RE LIKE, "THEY'LL USE THIS TO DO GOOD IN THIS WORLD.
THEY'RE NOT GOING TO GIVE IT TO THE FIRST PERSON WHO WALKS
THROUGH -- OH COME ON!" LOOK, THERE'S NO DOUBT THAT
TIPPING CAN GET COMPLICATED.
THAT'S WHY SOME PEOPLE WANT TO GET RID OF IT ALTOGETHER.
BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF YOU SAW THIS, BUT DANNY MEYER, THE
CELEBRATED NEW YORK CITY RESTAURATEUR HAS DECIDED TO
ELIMINATE TIPPING AT ALL OF HIS RESTAURANTS.
INSTEAD, HE'S GOING TO PAY HIS SERVERS A DECENT WAGE BY RAISING
THE PRICE OF HIS FOOD.
SO GOOD NEWS, NEW YORKERS, YOU WON'T HAVE TO TIP WHEN YOU ORDER
YOUR $80 CAESAR SALAD.
[LAUGHTER] SOME CUSTOMERS ARE COMPLAINING
THAT THEY DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO PAY THE HIGHER PRICES. BUT
HERE'S THE THING, ONE OF DANNY MEYER'S RESTAURANTS OFFERS A
DISH CALLED "WATERMELON AND CAVIAR."
AND IF YOU'RE EATING AT A RESTAURANT THAT SERVES
WATERMELON WITH CAVIAR, YOU DON'T GET TO COMPLAIN ABOUT
ANYTHING. [LAUGHTER]
SO JUST SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND ENJOY WHAT IS POSSIBLY THE ONLY
WAY I CAN IMAGINE TO RUIN A GOOD WATERMELON.
[LAUGHTER] I LOVE THIS IDEA BECAUSE I HATE
FIGURING OUT TIPS.
CALL ME CRAZY, BUT AFTER I'VE HAD THREE GLASSES OF WINE, I
DON'T LIKE TO DO A MATH PROBLEM IN MY HEAD.
[LAUGHTER] AND IT'S GETTING WORSE.
THE OTHER DAY I WENT TO A RESTAURANT AND NOT ONLY DID I
HAVE TO PAY A SERVER'S TIP, BUT I WAS ASKED TO PAY SOMETHING
CALLED A "CAPTAIN'S TIP" FOR THE GUY WHO SHOWED ME TO MY TABLE.
[LAUGHTER] WHAT THE HELL IS THAT ABOUT?
IF I'M TIPPING A CAPTAIN, HE BETTER COME UP TO MY TABLE AND
SAY, "LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT ME.
I'M THE CAPTAIN NOW." THAT'S GOING TO GET YOU A TIP
AND MAYBE AN OSCAR NOMINATION.
I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE FUTURE OF TIPPING.
YOU WON'T EVEN NEED CASH BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL HAVE A CHIP IN THEIR
HEADS AND YOU'LL JUST BE ABLE TO HOLD UP A PHONE TO SOMEONE'S
FACE. AND GO THAT WAS GREAT MEAL.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
WE REALLY LOVED IT. AND LISTEN.
LISTEN. THERE IS A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR
YOU.
YOU'RE LIKE OH, THAT IS TOO GENEROUS.
THE CRAZY THING ABOUT AMERICA IS THAT YOU GUYS TIP EVERYONE.
IT IS NOT LIKE THAT IN THE U.K. YOU TIP WAITERS, BARISTAS,
VALETS, HAIRSTYLISTS.
IT'S OUT OF CONTROL.
THERE'S SO MUCH TIPPING IN THIS COUNTRY I FEEL LIKE I'M
PERMANENTLY AT A STRIP CLUB.
"YEAH BABY, THAT DRY-CLEANING LOOKS GREAT!"
YEAH! THANK YOU SO MUCH!
SO -- THAT'S THE MONOLOGUE TONIGHT.
[LAUGHTER] DID YOU ENJOY IT?
[APPLAUSE] YOU ENJOYED IT?
WAS THERE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR MONOLOGUE?
>> IT WAS GOOD. JAMES: I'M WAITING BECAUSE
EVERYBODY IN THE AUDIENCE SAID YOU WERE GOING TO COVER THE
TIP.
THERE IS NO WAY YOU DON'T HAVE CASH.
YOU'RE WEARING A SALMON PINK SHIRT AND MOCCASINS.
NO WAY YOU DON'T HAVE CASH. PAY UP!
[APPLAUSE] I MEAN YOU'RE DISAPPOINTED.
THAT IS ACTUALLY 50% OF WHAT I'M EARNING TONIGHT.
I'M VERY THRILLED.