[laughing] Did you get... did you record that?
Start recording, that's hilarious.
What just happened was Palestrina said: "Okay, how are you gonna sit?"
And I was "I think cross-legged".
And she was: "okay, however you're gonna sit, sit that way and stay like that the whole time."
She ended up laughing "Oh my god, that was ableist!"
♪ [intro music] ♪
So I often feel I should be able to do ALL of the things.
And it turns out, that's not how time works.
Sunsama is an app that helps me be realistic about the amount of work I put on my plate.
So I can actually get it done and still have energy the next day.
Or the next week!
And not burn out.
Sunsama integrates with all the places where tasks pop up for me.
E-mail, Asana, Google Calendar...
...and lets me plan my day or my week...
...by dragging those tasks into one place.
I've started planning my week by sharing my top three priorities.
As well as whatever else I've got going on, in my company Slack.
And then planning out time blocks for it all in Sunsama...
Doing the whole week in advance lets me see when I've over-committed...
...Caution: unrealistic workload!...
...and move things around.
This week, that meant shortening up a couple of time-blocks.
As well as moving one of them to today.
Since today was a lighter day than what I had planned for tomorrow.
On days where I really do need to work extra hours...
...because deadlines are a thing!
I can make sure the next day is a lighter one.
Since I know focus will be harder and I'll need some time to recover.
When I'm ready to work...
...Sunsama has a focus-mode and a timer.
I can see how long the work actually takes me.
Which helps me plan my time better in the future too.
It even gives me a head's up...
...when it's time to transition to the next thing.
There are a lot of productivity tools...
...that are meant to help us keep track of everything we do.
I love that Sunsama helps me plan and prioritize it.
If you'd like to try Sunsama, go to get.sunsama.com/a/howtoadhd.
I'll also link that in the description below.
So, I started writing a book this year.
And I knew it was my story.
Of how and why I started the channel.
And what I learned by starting the channel.
All the amazing people I met along the way.
And where we go from here.
In the first chapter I kind of took a bit of a shortcut.
I essentially told the beginning of my story in the Ted Talk.
So I'll just pour over the beginning of my Ted Talk.
I wrote this whole chapter this way.
I went back and looked at it again...
...and I realized
When I did the Ted Talk it was in the middle of my story still.
It felt like the story I was telling...
...was the story of somebody who was gifted...
...hadn't reached their potential, decide to learn how.
Learned all these tools and strategies.
And then met this amazing team and they lived happily ever after.
And I didn't struggle anymore.
That felt like the story I was telling.
It's okay that you're different, because look...
...you can work with your brain in a different way.
And still accomplish all these things.
That's not the story that I'm telling anymore.
The story I'm telling now...
...is not actually about overcoming my inability to reach my potential.
It's not about overcoming my ADHD challenges anymore.
Because the truth is, I didn't.
Not completely. I still struggle with a lot of things.
I thought I would get to the point.
If anyone could have overcome their ADHD, I would have.
I seriously tried.
No matter how many strategies I used...
...to make me accomplish things in a way that works in this neurotypical world...
...I still have ADHD.
I still have a brain that wants to be creative and spontaneous.
And doesn't like feeling rigid and locked in.
And having to do things in a way that it finds boring.
The goal is for us to essentially behave like neurotypical people.
It's a bit ableist.
And I realize that my desire to get to that point...
...it wasn't MY desire.
I came from what I now understand is internalized ableism.
This idea that people who
...with their clothes dry-cleaned, and their cars cleaned...
...are somehow better.
When i didn't match that, it was like...
...somebody held up a stencil of a character.
This is what a good person is.
I when I held up me and my stencil, it didn't match..
All the places where it didn't match...
...where I was too much or too little, I felt like I had to adapt or adjust.
But that is ableism.
Saying that this stencil is what's better.
Saying it's what we
That's ableism.
What happens if we take that stencil away?
What happens if I just get to be the shape of me?
And that's okay?
And if I want to accomplish something that requires that I learn a new tool or strategy or skill...
...just like any other human on the planet, I do that.
But I don't have to do it to be valuable.
I don't have to do it to be valid as a human.
I don't have to do it to be respected as a human.
There were so many time where I got the message...
...that because I get distracted, I'm late to something...
...I'm rude or I'm irresponsible or whatever.
These messages, we get them so often.
We hear them, and they hit so deeply.
Often we hear them as children.
'Cause we have ADHD. We're struggling as children.
We hear these messages from the time we're kids.
And by the time we're adults, we have internalized them...
...to the point that they sound like
This sounds like
..."Oh, yeah, I would prefer to be this."
"I would be a better person
We're not hearing it from other people anymore, we're telling it to ourselves.
I think I didn't recognize it...
...'cause I knew I was fine with having ADHD,
When I'd gotten my diagnosis of ADD when I was 12...
...my favorite aunt had it too.
I felt like I got to join a cool club.
I was fine with the label.
Then when I started learning about my ADHD challenges...
...I was accepting of that, too.
Okay, my brain works differently.
I'm going to have to work differently.
And that's okay.
What I didn't realize was okay...
...was just existing
I was okay with the fact that my brain works differently...
...
I think that's my internalized ableism.
As long as
...it's okay that my brain has these challenges.
And not once in my entire life...
...have I ever felt that I am just okay
It always felt like it was conditional.
If
If I didn't, then I wasn't.
I can learn tools and strategies...
...but using them comes at a cost.
The cost of those tools and strategies.
Or the energy-cost of using them.
That comes at a cost.
I don't think I ever felt I had permission to stop...
...and ask myself: "Is it worth that cost?"
I didn't have that ability to do.
Because the whole world was telling me
You're not okay if you don't.
You're not good enough if you don't.
You're going to get fired if you don't.
I never felt like I actually had a choice.
And so I guess that's...
...that's kind of the direction I want to take the channel now.
Is to make sure that people have a choice.
Yes, these tools and strategies exist.
And it's up to us as to whether or not we use them.
And even if we don't, if we're not in a place where we have the bandwidth...
...to take on a new strategy or to try a new tool...
...that we are still worthy of love and belonging.
As Brene Brown puts it, we are still worthy of love and belonging.
I think for so many of us, it doesn't feel like we are,
Unless essentially comes down to: unless we don't have ADHD.
Or unless we are putting all of our time and energy into trying not to.
And to try not to have these struggles.
Obviously I care about how me being late affects people.
And I want to be on time. And I'm going to make an effort.
But the idea that somebody who can manage their time a little bit better...
...and show up on time is somehow, fundamentally, a better human than me...
...that's something I'm working to overcome.
As if it's a moral failing.
I've talked a lot on the channel about it before.
ADHD is not a moral failing.
Our brains work differently.
But it's almost like because we know our brains work differently...
...and because there are strategies that can help...
...now we're a bad person if we don't use them.
There's still that judgement.
There's still that sense of discrimination, I guess.
There's still that sense of you're not good enough
And so it is your
So what I -- what I think I overcame...
...doing this channel was misunderstanding.
Both the misunderstanding of how my brain works.
But also the misunderstanding that it's not supposed to work that way.
One of the things I'm really trying to do right now...
...is accept myself
And tell myself I am good enough
I am a good friend.
As is
Even saying that is really hard, 'cause I don't believe it.
Because of that internalized ableism...
...that's really deep-rooted in me.
That as soon as I say "I am a good friend"...
...all of these things pop up telling me "No, you're not.
No, you're not. 'Cause you forgot to text.
No, you're not. 'Cause you didn't even remember their birthday.
No, you're not.
And it's all of these really neurotypical standards.
Of things that my brain is not good at.
You're not a good friend, because essentially...
...your brain doesn't do what other people's brains do.
And this is hard for you.
I'm trying to remind myself that I am enough
And anything that I do to try to improve myself is for me.
It's not because I have a moral obligation to be a different human.
It's because I want to accomplish something.
With any new venture, you have to learn new skills and strategies.
No matter who you are.
The skills and strategies I had to learn as somebody with ADHD...
...are all about overcoming the ADHD.
Overcoming those challenges.
And I don't know how much of this is in my head...
...it feels like other people are allowed to put down their work...
...and go have dinner.
And it feels like I don't get to.
Because I got distracted.
So I need to stay and eat at my desk.
It almost feels like I'll get to do the fun things
Like,
When
Then
This idea that I'm okay
And I don't have to hide the fact that I'm struggling.
I don't have to use all the tools and strategies...
...that I know to overcome all of my struggles.
That sometimes, I can just struggle.
That's okay.
I have a brain that works this way. It's not my fault.
And there are some things I really love about it.
It's also not my responsibility...
...to completely erase any trace of me having ADHD.
For the convenience of others.
I
And that's okay.
I'm allowed to.
I'm allowed to exist in this world.
I was born into the world this way.
And I'm allowed to be here.
And me having ADHD doesn't fundamentally make me worse than somebody else.
Learning to accept myself
...has had a really cool, unintentional, side-effect.
Of me starting to accept others
I used to go around frustrated with myself and frustrated with people around me.
For not working the way I wanted them to.
I was aggressively helpful to the people around me.
I know all these things that you can do...
...to work with your brain, not against it.
Let's learn about your brain, too!
I was essentially telling them...
...the same message that I've been telling myself.
That the world had been telling me.
You are not enough
You have to be better.
And by "be better", I mean overcome the ways in which you are different.
Overcome your disability.
You're allowed to have one. That's fine.
But only as long as you're trying to overcome it.
And that's the message that I'm trying to get away from.
So to anybody who's watching, I want you to know...
...you are enough
Any of the tools and strategies on this channel...
...I don't care what past-me is saying, from old videos...
...you are enough
And anything you do to try to improve on yourself...
...that's up to you.
And what you're trying to accomplish in this world.
I think the world needs to start making a little more space for us as well.
So this is my mission now.
I think it's actually a much easier one.
To build a world that accounts for neurodiversity.
Because that's a lot easier than asking people not to be neurodiverse.
[sighs] This has been such a long journey.
I feel like I've learned so much these last 6 years.
Thanks you so much to my Brain Advocates for making this possible.
And all my Patreon Brains.
For being with us on this incredible journey that we've gotten to go on
Learning about our brains.
Learning how we fit into this amazing world of ours.
Like, subscribe, click all the things.
And I will see you next video.
Bye Brains!
♪♪