Xander 0:07 Today, we are finally giving you a sneak peek
of our upcoming book, sex talks.
Vanessa 0:13 This is the five crucial conversations that
every couple needs to have in order to have an extraordinary sex life.
We would love your support in ordering the book.
And in today's video, we are just going to do one big spoiler and tell you all five conversations
that are in this book and why we picked these five as the most important.
Xander 0:35 Have you already ordered the book if you have
a let us know down in the comments below.
And if you are brand new, we just want to say hi first, this is Vanessa.
I'm Xander Maria and Vanessa here is a sex therapist.
I'm a regular guy.
We've been together for 15 years.
And
Vanessa 0:48 we wrote this book together.
And our account is all about giving you the tools, tips and techniques that you need to
create a truly extraordinary relationship inside the bedroom and out.
So go ahead and hit that subscribe button, if that's something that you're interested
in.
Xander 1:03 Alright, so let's get into it and just tell
you what are these five conversations that we think every couple should have?
Obviously, there's so much more detail in the book, then what we're going to say here,
but we want to just tell you what they are and why we think they're so important.
Why
Vanessa 1:18 do you pick these five out of all the conversations
that you could possibly have about sex with your partner?
Xander 1:24 Alright, so the first one is pretty straightforward.
It's called acknowledgment, aka sex is a thing.
And we haven't I said straight forward.
But I think a lot of couples miss this one, right?
Vanessa 1:35 Absolutely.
I mean, I have found in my work as a sex therapist, that there were so many couples who never
had a single productive conversation about their sex life.
So we wanted to start off in a place that was going to feel approachable and manageable,
like ease our way into it, and just get comfortable with sex as a topic of conversation.
But even if you already do talk about sex in your relationship, if it's gone badly in
the past, you're going to learn how to like reset things in your relationship.
But even if you have had great conversations about sex in the past, you're also going to
be able to use this conversation to turn into something a little bit different.
We won't spoil it for you in this video.
But there's a way that this acknowledgment conversation turns into something very fun,
that can add a lot of spice to your relationship for decades to
Xander 2:23 come.
So that acknowledgment conversation really opens the door for all the rest of the conversation.
The next four.
So the next one is connection, aka what do we need to feel connected to each other?
Okay,
Vanessa 2:35 so the book is called sex talks, right?
And you might be expecting to hear a lot of conversations about fantasies or wild and
kinky things, we will get to those, but not yet.
One of the most important things that people don't realize is that sex is not just something
that happens in the bedroom behind closed doors, your sex life is impacted by the rest
of your relationship and vice versa.
So we actually wanted to start with emotional connection, one of the most important things
in our relationship.
For so many of us, if our emotional connection is not in a good place, we're not going to
feel open to being sexual with our partner.
And that emotional connection is something that we can experience throughout the entire
day versus sex is something that, you know, we won't get too into, like how long a lot
of people are laughing for sex, but it tends to be a much shorter timeframe than the entire
day.
So we start with this idea of how can the two of you feel connected to each other, maintain
that thread of connection throughout the day, and can honestly just start having more fun
as a couple so that when you work into the more explicitly sexual topics, it feels like
you have that foundation there with each other already.
Xander 3:45 Alright, so now that you're feeling more connection,
we get into our next conversation, which is desire, aka, what do we need to get turned
on.
Vanessa 3:54 So this is one of the biggest areas that trips
couples up, especially in long term relationships that can feel like we lose that desire for
each other.
Maybe at the beginning of your relationship, it felt like you couldn't keep your hands
on each other sex just felt so easy and effortless.
And then you get a few years, a few decades down the road.
And you're wondering what happened to that and how do I get myself turned on.
So this is an amazing conversation to have where you can start to understand yourself
better understand your partner better and understand how you can create more excitement
and more anticipation for being intimate with each other.
So if it has been feeling like your relationships kind of hit a little bit of a dry spell, you're
in a little bit of a rut, you are going to love this conversation and even couples who
feel like you already have a great sex life, you're still going to learn how to keep that
desire alive and blossoming and getting even stronger.
Xander 4:49 Alright, so we got the connection.
We've got the desire what comes next pleasure, aka what do we each need to feel good?
Vanessa 4:58 This is another dynamic that's So many couples
don't understand it kind of goes hand in hand with the last conversation that if we want
to feel that desire for sex, that excitement for sex, need to enjoy the sex that we're
having, like, why would you desire something that's not a super enjoyable experience.
And sadly, this is an area where so many of us get led astray, we see what sex looks like
in the movies, and TV and porn.
And we get these really distorted, unhelpful and unrealistic ideas of what sex is supposed
to be like.
And this is especially true in male female relationships, where to be honest, female
pleasure really gets the short end of the stick.
So in this chapter, we have so many fun and exciting conversations for you to help you
discover what truly brings you pleasure to give you the correct information you need
about how sex really works, and to explore truly making each other feel good, because
at the end of the day, that's one of the main reasons we have sex to feel good, right.
But unfortunately, so many of us are having sex, it just feels kind of routine and boring
and a little lackluster.
So if your sex life is in a tough place right now, you will be having a way more pleasurable
sex by the end of this chapter.
But even if you feel like you're already having pretty great sex, you're gonna learn how to
take it up a notch.
Trust
Xander 6:13 me.
All right, so you're feeling really good.
What's Next we end with exploration, aka, what should we try next?
Vanessa 6:21 So one of the great things about sex is there's
always something new to explore.
And research has actually shown that when we do new things with our partner, inside
and outside of the bedroom, it that is what keeps the spark alive is what keeps that excitement,
that enthusiasm, that energy for connecting with each other.
Now, of course, the problem is a lot of people hear this idea of exploring in the bedroom,
trying new things.
And when you get really nervous, and in our heads, like, I don't have any fantasies, I
can't think of anything, I don't know what to do.
So this conversation really gives you so many tools for understanding what you could explore
what the best options are going to be for you.
And how to actually go about exploring those things.
Like so many times we hear this advice to like, oh, just try out a fantasy and then
we get in the moment, like, I don't know, how would it actually do
Xander 7:10 this?
Do it how.
Vanessa 7:11 So this conversation is really going to guide
you through how to try out those new things in a way that feels safe, not overwhelming,
but still really exciting.
And it'll just give you this feeling that there's always something new for the two of
you to explore together, that you just have years and years and decades of exploration
to come.
Xander 7:31 Alright, well that wraps up our video on the
five crucial conversations that every couple should be having.
We would love for you to order our book sex talks.
It is out February 7 2023.
And if you liked this video, you can give it a like hit the red button and subscribe
to our YouTube channel.
And while you're at it, hit the notification icon so you know as soon as he posts more
videos, thanks for watching.
See you next time.