(gentle music)
- Welcome to the Simply Charlotte Mason Podcast.
I am Laura Pitney
and I'm here today with Sonya Shafer and Karen Smith
and we're gonna be answering a question today.
- All right.
- Here it is.
- Bring it on.
- What are one or two
or three, four,
whichever we get to,
common homeschool mistakes
that get in the way of success
with the Charlotte Mason methods?
I think we've all been there, right?
- We have made mistakes,
at least I have.
I don't know about you.
- A few.
- (laughing) And we talk to a lot of people in the booth
and help them with some mistakes
they might have been blind to
or need help with.
One that comes to mind
that I hear quite often
is they try to cram too many books
into each day.
They think that Charlotte Mason's
all about living books,
which is a hallmark,
but then they think they need to read
six and seven books each day
and if you look at Charlotte's schedule,
it's not like that at all.
Especially in the younger grades.
They were only reading from two books a day,
maybe three at the most
in those younger grades.
So that's one mistake I often see
and the other thing,
I don't know how long you have here.
I'll just keep talkin'.
(laughing)
But the other thing with
trying to cram too many books in a day
is that it can
push aside a lot of other things
that are of importance.
Like picture study,
music study,
all those other subjects
that don't use books
and crammin' all of that into the day.
Okay I'm gonna move on to my second mistake, okay?
- Okay.
- You don't have anything to say yet, right?
- Nothing.
(everyone laughing)
- I'll just get mine done
then you can take the floor.
The other thing is
if you focus so much on the book reading
and the academics,
it's easy to also push aside
the character training
and the habit training
that needs to take place.
So those all kind of
go hand in hand I guess.
- Yeah, kind of getting lost
in the academics.
Versus seeing the whole person
and the things that we can instruct
that are outside of those school hours.
- Yeah, and even in the school hours.
Because so much of education,
we are educating a person
and so two thirds of that
is the atmosphere we set
and the discipline of the good habits.
It's all a big package.
We're not just dumping stuff into their mind.
- Right.
So finding the right balance with the books
and the habit training.
That would be a way to counteract
that natural mistake
that we see a lot.
- Yeah, I think so.
Just keeping in mind,
the whole person
and not going overboard
on the number of books
that you try to read during the day.
That's where it all started.
- We know that there are some book lists out there
that are miles long
that says do this,
do this, do this.
- There are so many good book lists
but the temptation is
I've got to do all of it every day
and it's a good thing
there are so many good books.
But don't try to do it all.
- All right Karen,
let's hear some words of wisdom here.
We're ready.
- I think one that I see quite often is
trying to make the education fun for the child
and not requiring the child to do the work
that you know that child can do.
Or even raising the bar just a little bit
and ask a little bit more of the child.
Education can be fun
but it's not about being fun.
Sometimes they have to buckle down
and do the work.
- A lot of Charlotte Mason methods
are what I would call enjoyable.
- Yes, enjoyable is different though
than being fun.
- I would agree.
It's not like we're the entertainer.
- Exactly.
- If the child is not giggling
and saying "Mommy, I want to do more"
then we failed.
- Right.
- That's not necessarily the case.
- So what would you say to the mom
that would feel discouraged
thinking that maybe their children
won't like her anymore?
Like what would you say to that?
Because I feel like
that's kind of the root of that emotion is
we want our children to love the education,
to love the books
but that means that they either like us
or don't like us.
We take it personally.
- I agree
but when you are wearing the mom hat,
and your child doesn't obey,
do you try to appease the child
or do you make the child obey
because you know that's what's right?
And do we worry then
about if our child will like us or not?
- Yeah.
A good thing to reflect. - The same type of thing.
Yes, it's sometimes children respect us more
if we make them do what they know they can do
rather than appeasing them.
- It's kind of like
the best kind of love
that thinking love
that Charlotte talked about.
That it's not just
doing whatever makes the child happy
but it's giving the child what is best.
- Yes.
- And as you said,
we have to remove our personal feelings
about that sometimes
knowing that we are doing this out of love
and as you said,
sometimes we're also helping the child
not just do what they know they can do
but do sometimes more than they think they can do.
- Yeah, stretch them a little bit
so that they learn that they can
do a little bit more.
- I am, I can
- So with that thought in mind
of sometimes as moms, teachers,
we kind of let our emotions
get in things.
I started thinking about
mistakes that I have seen
when we've been in the booths traveling or
forums, that kind of thing
and one mistake I feel like
I have seen a lot is that
when we decide to home school,
we think we have all our ducks in a row
or we have to have everything,
our act together,
like we know what we're doing.
- Everything organized
just perfectly.
- Right,
and I think that that's a mistake
to think that way
because we're honestly
I feel like setting us up for failure
because who of us have our ducks in a row?
- I'm not raising my hand,
you raising your hand?
- Or you never get started.
- Correct.
- Because it's never the way you want it.
- Right.
Well, I feel like there's this misconception that
I have to have my act together
because I'm deciding to homeschool
and educate my children
because if I don't,
it's gonna look badly
towards the homeschooling idea
or I have maybe friends and family
that are against homeschooling
so I'm afraid I'm gonna
dig a pit
and they're just gonna see
that I'm not worthy of it.
So I feel like there's a lot of emotions attached
to that side of things
when really,
it's about loving our children enough
to give them the best of ourselves
and what we can give 'em
and they're gonna see
that we're learning alongside of them.
We're gonna try it
and we're gonna attempt it
and if it doesn't work,
we're gonna try the next thing
and we're gonna keep evolving
and adjusting
and so I think the mistake is
once we have it together,
it stays that way.
No.
(laughing)
- It's always changing.
- And that's okay.
- It's life.
- And I think if you're just starting out,
sometimes the beginning of the school year
or maybe you're just starting homeschooling.
It's better to get a few things going well
to begin with
and add in more as you become more comfortable
than it is to try
to do everything at once
and fail miserably, mis-er-ab-ly at it,
I can't say that.
(laughing)
- Yeah, it's setting yourself up for success
in that way.
The other mistake
or common mistake that I feel like has
crossed my path is
that you should never ask for help.
That you decided to homeschool,
therefore you do it.
You handle it.
You figure it out,
that kind of thing
and so I know personally,
that has come to light in my own life
that it's okay to ask for help.
Sometimes I don't know what I'm doin'.
I don't know what to do next
and when you stop
and think about the good resources
that are around you,
friends that have been doing this for years,
online resources,
like we mentioned before, forums,
which I know Karen,
you're a huge part of our forum.
So to think about that you can stop
and ask for help
and that's okay.
What would y'all say to that?
- Sometimes asking your husband for help,
just a listening ear sometimes is all you need
as you work things out in your own mind.
You just need someone to listen at times.
Sometimes you don't know
what am I going to do next,
what are the options,
and asking a more experienced homeschooler
who's already been down that road
is a good way to get information
so you can make a better decision for your family.
- Another mistake that came to mind
when you mentioned that is
pushing our children
to learn something
or to tackle something
when they're younger,
too early let's say.
For example,
starting with English grammar in first grade.
That's not the Charlotte Mason approach
and requiring written narrations
or even requiring the child
to do copy work
before they can read.
- Yes.
- They have no clue what they're doing.
If they're learning one letter, that's fine
but requiring them to do a whole sentence
that they do not know what it says.
Things like that,
you're feeling the pressure,
sometimes from these other people
or from yourself
because we all know
what's the number one fear
when you start to homeschool?
- You're going to fail your children.
- I'm going to ruin my child.
That's the number one fear.
We hear it all the time.
We had it ourselves when we started.
Sometimes that pressure
either that we put on ourselves
or from other people,
makes us want to just
push them.
As we were talking earlier about
you can do more than you think you can.
Well, there's also a balance there.
It's not pushing them to do more
than they should
especially in a Charlotte Mason approach.
- It's not pushing them to do things
that are not age appropriate.
- Yes.
- But stretching the child
within that child's abilities.
- Yup, for sure.
- And Charlotte had the good reasons
for delaying some of those studies
until the children were older.
It just makes total sense
when you study child development
and the layering of how she taught things.
It all works out,
it does make sense.
But often I see that mistake
that they're pushing a little too hard too soon.
- All right,
so I'm gonna ask you a question.
Are you ready?
- Maybe, are we ready?
(everyone laughing)
- I know you're scared.
So how long have you two been friends?
Give me like an estimated years.
- About 30 years. - 30 years.
- 30 years.
- Yeah, probably 30.
- I'm guessing that y'all have probably
helped each other through some of these common mistakes.
Whether they were the ones we mentioned
or other ones that were related to y'all personally.
- No, we never talk about homeschooling.
(everyone laughing)
- Yeah, when we started out,
we both were gonna dive into doing Charlotte Mason
and we were the only two
in our vicinity that we knew
that was doing Charlotte Mason.
We did not know anyone else
and so we kind of helped each other along
as we were learning things
and stayed in touch all these years.
- We didn't have the internet.
- We didn't, that's true.
- We really did have to
figure it out on our own a lot
without the resources that are
available today to moms.
- So what advice would you give to a mom
who just realized,
you know what,
I have been making some mistakes
and I need to break that mold.
I need to make some changes
but yet she's just feeling kind of defeated.
What would you say to that mom?
- Number one I would say,
give yourself some grace.
- Yes.
- None of us has it all together
and we make mistakes all the way along.
If not the ones we mention,
we make other ones
and the mistakes are often the best
learning opportunity.
Once you recognize that mistake,
then don't waste your time
beating yourself up over it,
find out what the solution is
or what solution will best fit your family
and take the first step.
Don't think,
I have to fix all of this.
I have to do it perfectly,
I have to do it now.
You know, go from here to here
and be perfect at it.
Just take the next step
and you'll be heading in the right direction.
That's the big thing.
What would you say?
- I'm pretty much like what you said.
Re-evaluate what you're doing.
If it's,
you're pushing some of the academics too soon for a child
back off on that
and just set those aside for awhile.
- If you're reading too many books in a day.
- Choose the ones that everybody's enjoying the most
and continue with those
and put the others aside.
Let children read them on their own.
- When they get old enough.
- When they get old enough or
read them another time.
- Did you have this problem with your kids too?
Once they got old enough
that they were reading on their own.
- I wanted to read with them.
(everyone laughing)
- But after awhile,
they had read all the books
that we had in the house
that were at their level
and they wanted more.
So if you have more of those titles stockpiled,
it's not so much
oh, we're never gonna get to 'em.
It's oh yeah, I've got another one you might enjoy, here.
- I think one thing that kind of gives me an anchor
when I think about
past mistakes
and I think about
all the mistakes I'm going to make
is that yes, I have my children
for those 12 years of their education
but the big picture is
I'm teaching them these
life goals if you will of
okay, I'm gonna learn how to be curious
and find the answer.
I'm gonna learn how to enjoy a book
and be able to choose the next one
I want to dive into.
But for me knowing that
once they are done
and are leaving my house
that they can continue
learning and educating themselves
and learning from their mistakes
as they see me learn from my mistakes.
I find that encouraging to me
because that's life.
It's like we said.
We're gonna get on the bandwagon of
our homeschool's gonna be like this
and I'm gonna do it well
and then life circumstances happen
and everything falls apart
and that's okay
because that is still a learning time
and then you pick up and move on.
For me that encourages me,
that's kind of my anchor I hold onto.
It's kind of,
I think you might have used this illustration before.
We're here laying that net
and as they grow
and as the Lord teaches them,
he's the one filling in the gaps
and their life experiences
are gonna fill in that gap
but we're laying that foundation of
what education should be like
and how to pick up ourselves when
we feel like we're totally a failure
which I think is common
for the homeschooling mama
is to feel like a failure unfortunately.
It's something we struggle with.
- It's a huge life lesson
to be able to learn from your mistakes,
view it realistically,
yup, I'm not perfect.
But here's what I learned,
isn't that great?
And move on from there.
That's a wonderful thing.
- And I think you hit on one of the keys for
you said how do we move past our mistakes,
how do we do that
is to remember that
learning does not end with graduation.
It's a life long pursuit.
- And doesn't that just help you relax a little bit
and know that all this pressure we put on ourselves
for these school years, it's okay.
- Yes.
- We still want to do it well
and do it the best we can.
- Absolutely.
- I mean, there's freedom in knowing that
it's a long term
thing we're trying to teach them.
- Yes.
- Well I really appreciate
you being guests on our podcast today.
It has been enjoyable for me. - This is fun.
(everyone laughing)
- To host you and I really appreciate that.
Thank you for your words of wisdom.
The question that we discussed today
was a question that was submitted
this past summer at our Charlotte Mason Together retreat.
It was such a great time with our Q and A panel
that we wanted to give more time
for our upcoming 2020 retreat.
It's gonna be a time where we can
really dig deep with our Q and A panel
and hopefully get some answers
to your important questions.
Hope to see you there.