Welcome back to Kpop Music Mondays where we say weird things about Kpop Music Videos
That's not really what a KMM is.
It's more just our opinion on Kpop songs.
Which usually ends up with us in wigs.
And yeah... You know what? You're right.
Question: Have you been looking at the wrong screen?
No I have been looking there [M]Are you sure? [S]Yes
I made sure.
Guys, we've been gone for so long.
We went to Canada for vacation to visit our family.
And then there was a power outage and we couldn't do anything on the Internet.
So as a result we really fell behind in Kpop
And we realized when we looked at our Kpop Charts
There are a whole lot of music videos that we didn't actually experience
So we're going to try to talk about as many of those as we can right now
in the BEST VIDEOS OF 2014
But some of them came out in 2013
SHUT UUUUUUP
Guess who is back!
It's TVXQ!
And I just noticed for the very first time
That they have an explanation point under their names
Which should be tvxQQQQQQ
They have an explanation point like...
We are TVXQ, we are a band formed in Korea, we are super.
Exclama...exclama...exclama... [S]ExCLAmations
[S]Not explanation [M]Let me just check with my manager.
Is it explanation, Siri? [Siri]I'm sorry, Martina, you are an idiot.
We were watching "Something" and as it is written online:
DBSK_Something_Music Video
Question: TVXQ say that she's got that something
But what is that something?
You have a guess? [M]Yes.
What is it?
Bad breath.
I have a guess! [M]Go!
Diarrhea~
I have another guess!
Go for it!
Really bad chewed on cuticles
Because she does that when she's nervous and stressed
And he's like "eewww"
When he sees her holding her coffee cup.
Not that I have that.
She has definitely got that something.
As for the song itself, I'm really surprised to hear this from TVXQ
Because I'm really used to them having
futuristic, We are Gods so much bigger than you measly humans
But this is... [M]It's the Loki band
Yes! That's exactly. TVXQ are the Korean personification of Loki.
Don't bring Loki into this.
Not that I don't like TVXQ but I Love Loki.
Ok, anyhow, but this... [M]She's up all night to get Loki, she's up...
This song is really fun, it has got that swing vibe to it
[M]Big bang feel? [S]It's really mature... well not Big Bang the... [M]No. Big BAND!
You aren't speaking correct anymore.
Siri, what's wrong with my speaking today?
And why am I talking to you like a robot, Siri?
I don't know, Martina.
I didn't sleep good.
The song is a lot of fun.
Not what I'd expect from TVXQ.
And I really happen to enjoy it.
I was up all night reading fanfiction.
I also enjoyed the song.
Good input.
Ok, final input points:
I thought it was really creative with the stringy thingies
That was awesome.
They probably had so much terrible leg and bum chafing in practice.
By getting ropes up the ass and everything.
Because they had it hooked around their legs
And then the back up dancers would pull it up
Are these the things you thing about, like how many wedgies people get from cool MVs?
Yeah [S]Hm... That's a cool MV, I think he might have got.. 12 wedgies.
Yes. That's the first thing that came through my head.
Second thing I want to say is that
scene where Yunho or maybe it was Max, they punch out their fists
when they say they've got that something.
And we paused it...
It says: S-O-M-E-T-H-N-G and then they wrote I right above it
It's kind of like when you get your English paper back at school
And the teacher gives little red thing
like "oh, you forgot to put that vowel in there"
Idiot.
They could have left out the "I"
We get slang, guys.
"Something", you don't need an "I" in there
With "UM"? Sumthing?
I don't know. It looks really bad.
I'm sure no one noticed it but us.
But that really bothered me.
We notice that. You know why? Because we were English teachers and we notice spelling mistakes.
We are really good at English. Like: exclamation points and big band
when you mean to say Big Bang.
Ok, Rain is back with his song "30 sexy" or as I call it "dirty sexy"
He is purposely slipping in "dirty sexy"
It is really brilliant.
30 sexy, dirty sexy.
I give this a 6 out of 5 for English.
I'm dirty sexy. Hopefully that's what he's trying to say.
I am pretty sure he is.
Because I hear the word 30 and then I hear the word dirty.
So, whatever. It's brilliant and I love it.
I think it is very Justin Timberlake'y
This is my favorite song of the list we are going to be talking about.
It's so grimy and you know what?
Leigh actually didn't like the dance to
the whole waving hands thing
But I think it is totally badass.
It really matches the song.
And the other thing I like about it is that I feel that it's mature
it matches his age
It makes him look really sexy still
And the backup dancers: amazing.
He has got the handlebar mustache and stuff, but he is wearing that awesome swaggy red suit.
I'll tell you what I find really interesting about this:
Why is it that whenever there is a male band
that is trying to pick the mature theme
They always have the dark shadowy thing
Like "Smoky girl" was with them all silhouetted and in black and white
I think Seugri's "gotta talk to you" also
I mean persimon persimon [ref. to "gotta talk to you" KMM]
Rain's "dirty sexy"
You can even see it in TVXQ's "Something".
They some monochromatic shadowy shots as well.
I just think they are trying not to be bubble poppy.
Like, when you see B1A4 they have bright, vibrant, neon colors.
And this is trying to be more like...
I'm sorry I don't know who B1A4 is
Oh, do you mean Bilasa?
BILASAAAA
Speaking of Bilasa, the next video we are going to talk about it "Lonely"
You know, I feel like people are running out of names to name their Kpop songs.
There's "Something" and then there's "Lonely" and there's "I love you"....
Although I'll tell you who nailed the creative song names:
2PM
"Come back when you hear this song after you run to the convenient store and get me that burrito on the shopping list that you forgot to get last time"
That's right.
Back to Bilasa.
At first when Bilasa came out didn't really like them very much
they seemed like they were trying too hard
Their very first song, they were like "ok, go"["Girl", actually]
It was really funky and colorful, and I understood what they were trying to do
even if it was a little bit corny
BUT we managed to fall in love with them
They perfected it afterwards in their other videos
The last MV that came out
"What's happening". I think that was their best video, their best song ever
I think I appreciate it a lot more now, than I did before.
That was fantastic.
It was really cool. It was quirky, but it was artsy
bit it was still understandable
This, though... It's really boring... [M]It's generic...
Lalala...
I'm sorry. Some people like it
In fact, a lot of people like it
Because this is better selling than TVXQ now
Bilasa is one of the biggest selling groups in their first week ever
They outsold GD, they outsold BigBang because so many people love them
Even though they barely get any views on their Youtube videos.
Compared to other people [M]Scandalous tuntuntuntun Scandalous tuntuntuntun
How do they sell so many albums?
Because... people honestly buy their mini albums.
Ok, let's not bring up the scandals those I'm sure Bilasa had nothing to do with
Of course. [M] It has probably to do with their management or whatever
It's just disappointing that stuff happens to people who are not trying to be.. [S]Shitty
The floaty concept in the video was interesting.
I liked the part where he is plugging on the girl like on a balloon.
That kind of idea of hanging on to someone and not letting them go.
But other than that I just didn't feel like this was a Bilasa video.
Bored as hell.
But I'm sure their next song is going to be quirky and weird.
Because you know how a lot of bands put out ballads...
I want colors, I want you blowing balloons up and then exploding
into acidic monsters.
And I want those monsters to overturn buildings.
And find bunny rabbits
that can then grow on to repopulate the world
with roller-coasters
And then those roller-coasters become loose
And that's only the first 10 secs of a Bilasa video.
Siri, Simon has gone crazy.
Martina, why are you speaking to me in that voice again?
Martina, why do you keep on talking to Siri?
That joke has been over since the first time you said it.
But keep on doing it for the other 3 videos we are going to talk about.
I didn't sleep well.
Fanfictions.
Too much fanfiction everywhere.
Next up is the return of Royal Pirates with their MV for "Drawing the Line"
Actually I think this was a very clever MV.
It was Brilliant for a MV.
Yeah, the beginning of it just seems like them on a generic kind of stage
And you're like "Ok, it's going to be one of those videos"
and then in the middle of their singing they get totally interrupted
And it takes them through all these different versions of MVs
I find it kind of fascinating how they look uncomfortable
In all of the scenarios that they are in for publicity
Like taking photoshoots, doing interviews
And that kind of reminded me of back when we did that thing for the YT music awards
And we were taking pictures on the red carpety thing?
And I don't know if everyone knows about this, though.
And then you hear in the background "Can't Simona and Martina take a normal picture?"
And then like "They don't do normal pictures"
And I kind of relate to this video as a result.
Well I think that one of the things interesting about Royal Pirates is
That they are an actual band that actually play instruments
Unlike other Kpop groups that will have "bands" in their videos
But they are just actually like...
That's what happened with the first Bilasa video!
Where they were like playing the piano
Like if you had to turn off the BG music,
you would just hear them on the guitar like tuntuntuntun
I think what is different about them is that they are an actual band
that play music.
And so it must be difficult to be in the Kpop scene
As a band
That actually know how to produce music.
That's right.
Is that a harsh thing to say?
I'm not sure. Have we been gone for too long?
Are we saying harsh things at the beginning of the year?
Did we forget how to be sensitive to people's feelings?
It's actually a really fun, light-hearted song
And if you liked the first time we promoted Royal Pirates, you're going to like this song as well
They have a very consistent, good sound to them
I like it. It reminds me of Maroon 5
Is it insulting to compare one band with another band?
ALWAYS.
I don't think so.
I love Maroon 5, I saw when they opened up for Weezer
They were really good.
Siri, when did Maroon 5 open up for Weezer?
Jeezus, please stop with the Siri already.
Siri, send a message to Simon. Telling him he's stinky.
And the last video we're going to talk about
Is easily the best video that came out
probably in all of Kpop ever
I know exactly what you're going to say
we are talking about Gary's video for...
What the hell is it called...
I don't even know the name of the video
It's called "shower later"
And you know why Simon doesn't know?
Because I watched this video on my own
With my headphones on
This is Simon, ok?
He is like this.
He can't heat the music.
This is Simon [S] You don't need to hear the music!
The video is That good.
The music to the song... I don't even... I don't even...
Did anybody actually say anything? Is there any music?
It's just a cool video.
And why is it cool, Simon?
Because there is...
Lots of girls...
In very ridiculous clothing.
Being ridiculous.
Now I...I know...
Which is your favorite girl would you say?
Because I have a favorite.
The one with the jack hammer pretending to jack-hammer
and she's just like jiggling boobs
NONONONO best scene ever:
the girl fiddling with the top of the fire hydrant
She's like "Oh yeah baby, you like that?"
And then the fire hydrant explodes.
And then Garry pops out an umbrella
And then all the girls get covered in water
Like yeaaah, look at it
And Gary is like: yeeeeeah.
Are you sure that's your favorite scene?
Your favorite scene is not the scene where the girl is using a chainsaw?
And she's like chainsawing the table.
The chainsaw does not turn on.
It's just a chainsaw and she's like "I'm chain sawing"
But she's just shaking her body.
Or how about the scene where he stops to pick up the girl hitchhiking
by what sign, Simon?
By "Speed limit 69"
So funny
Ok, we usually don't like this kind of overly-sexualized videos
But this is just so hilarious.
This is the borderline Hyuna's "Ice cream" hilariously awkward
Except Hyuna's "Ice cream" video was supposed to be serious
It was supposed to be seriously sexy
I feel like Gary was like "ok, how much money do I have for this video?"
"Fxxx it, buy as many half-naked girls as you can"
We forgot about the scene with her pumping... Who pumps gas?!
You like the gas on me?
I'm so hot babeh. AAAAAAHHHH [Tao's scream]
Holy shit, this video is hilarious.
It's a great video.
It's 19+
Gary, you're one funny dude.
Oh my.
Perv.
We're perving a straight perv in our video
[meNtions]
Honorable mentioning goes to Super Junior's Donghae and Eunhyuk for "Still you"
Which is them out in public!
I think... or...
Unless this is a very elaborate set.
They are out in the world.
They're in England, I think. Right?
Didn't we see the London... I know. It's amazing, isn't it?
But that's only because it's only 2 of them!
You can't get all of the members out at once. That would be insanity.
But you know why I think it's a fake set?
Because when they go out in public
they don't have crazy girls screaming and touching them all of the time.
Honorable mention for Music Video would also go to Dal Shabet with "B.B.B.", is that right?
You know why? Because this song sound like it's straight out of the 80s
It sound like a combination of Kpop and North American 80s
Dal Shabet have that super fun disco vibe that we talk about for girl groups
Check out the video.
Well that's it for this week's KMM where Simon gets in trouble for being bad.
Can you eat something with your chopsticks?
Eat something with your chopsticks.
You're supposed to shake.
You're supposed to shake just your upper body, Simon.
Look... hello, STOP!
Now get down really slowly. [S]Fine. Leg's day. Did that.