when I was in seventh grade I did a unit
on mental health I remember taking a
depression test as a part of said unit I
remember getting a number that was
incredibly close to zero which basically
meant that I had absolutely nothing
nothing to worry about I never ended up
doubting it for as long as I can
remember I was always known as the
bubbly optimistic overachiever so I
stand in front of you today with fully
exposed arms for the first time in a
long time with visible and not so
visible scars with the disease I never
thought I would have how did this happen
I can guess that most of you probably
don't know me that well well my anxiety
tells me that all of you hate me I can
guess that most of you probably just
barely know I exist I stand in front of
you today not to ask for your pity not
to ask for your worry not to ask for you
to even form your own opinions of me yet
but for your eyes and your ears as I
tell you something that everybody needs
to hear it is no secret that there is a
massive stigma around mental health it
is not it is especially known that there
is a taboo in society to talk about
one's mental health especially in such
an affluent area as Pleasanton if I
could do anything with my life I would
work to change that because despite this
massive stigma that prevents people from
talking about it one in five people
suffer from mental illness what happens
is that we tend to group all mental
illness into one big issue but this
should not be the case there are so many
different types so many different people
and so many different stories to tell
understanding the importance of this I'm
going to tell you my story I grew up in
the picture-perfect life with kind
loving parents and a sister I loved and
cared greatly for I did well in school
for the most part said Matt and I had
looked and I had a group of tight-knit
friends that I cared greatly for but for
as long as I can remember I always felt
like I didn't belong I always hated the
way that I was the way that I acted the
way that I looked the way that I walked
the way that I talks etc etc sometimes I
would look at myself in the mirror and
cry because of how much I hated what I
saw I would have panic attacks once or
twice a week because something told me
that I was only a waste of space and
that somebody else deserved everything
that I had when I had been fighting this
war with myself for years and I just
wanted a form of relief I made myself
bleed as I put a bandage over the fresh
cut I began to spiral because I could
only think of what the consequences
would be I looked at myself in the
mirror trying to wipe away my tears and
I heard something say look at her going
to pass this all off for attention and
it only made everything worse I knew in
that moment that I could never tell
anybody what I was going through because
it was all my fault
after a while I hate to admit it it
became a routine despite how
self-destructive the habit was it felt
like my only form of a skater months
after the first incident my dad walked
into my room and I wasn't wearing a
long-sleeve shirt he saw the streets
scars on my wrists and he hugged me as
tight as he possibly could but the only
thing that I could say over and over and
again was I'm sorry because it was all
my fault the next day my mom called a
therapist and a psychiatrist to help me
I ended up being diagnosed with major
depressive disorder generalized anxiety
disorder and later on bipolar one
disorder throughout this whole process I
was always told this isn't her fault
which I finally started to believe as a
final end to my story I work to advocate
for mental for mental health and tap and
topics about mental health specifically
talking with so many different people
about these issues has helped me to
understand the importance of telling one
story which is why I shared the intense
details of mine looking at this there's
a couple messages I want for people to
get the first is a message to those who
are struggling depression affects many
of us some of us in ways that we won't
admit one in 12 college students have
admitted to making a suicide plan and 13
out of every thousand have attempted it
and 15 out of every hundred people have
admitting to harming themselves more
than once it is no secret that people
will hide what they're going through
because they blame themselves and they
feel as if they don't have a right to
what they feel this simply isn't the
case mental illness is an illness it is
something that is out of your control
you are not a burden there are people in
places that want to help I can guarantee
that there is somebody in your life that
wants you to be happy and once you hear
material things and relationships can
always be recovered but a lost life
never can the second message is for
those
is that struggling might not always be
obvious many people like myself would
think that mental illness is something
that is so far away that it could never
affect them many people that I have
talked to stated that they always knew
that they had issues but they have
sociated it with either normal school
stress or regular teen behavior there
are some things yes that can be caused
by this but stress that lasts a feeling
of isolation difficulty with motivation
or difficulty with doing everyday school
activities is not something that you
need to go through alone as I had stated
before so what many people want to help
you if you feel that something is wrong
talk to someone anyone who will listen
because getting someone else's opinion
might finally get the help that you need
in order in order for you to live the
life that you deserve to live and even
if it doesn't just talking to someone
can do wonders for your mental state
instead of bottling this up and letting
it go you can do wonders to help get
through your everyday lives and get rid
of everyday stress Society tells us that
we can't talk about this sort of thing
but don't let society tell you what to
do stick it to the man and talk about
mental health
I can guarantee you won't regret it my
third and final message is to those who
may not be struggling every time I tell
my story I always hear the same thing I
never thought you could have been going
through something like this you always
seemed so happy but here's the thing
none of my friends or my family knew
exactly how much I was struggling I'm
not asking you to constantly be on your
friends about their mental health but
just show them that you care it is well
known in society that when someone
responds fine to how are you that
and always what that person means I'm
not one to talk I've almost lost friends
forever because of the wrong answer to
that very question please show your
friends and your family how much you
care about them it might just help them
get out of the worst situations of their
lives because in the end it wasn't the
medication it wasn't the therapy it was
the love and affection from my friends
and family that got me out thank you