ADHD is one of those really challenging topics for kids and for parents. Today,
we're going to talk about some specific ways to get a kid with ADHD to focus.
There's a lot of opinions and philosophies out there about this
particular topic. Here's my take on it really quickly. ADHD or Attention Deficit
Hyperactivity Disorder is a condition where a child's mind... Typically a child.
We're talking about kids today but there are some applications for adults too.
We'll handle that in another video. This is a condition in which the child's
brain doesn't appropriately regulate their own activity. Which includes paying
attention to things. So, if you can picture different parts of your brain
that do different things, do you know for example which part of your brain
controls eyesight, vision? Do you know? Most people don't. They usually guess
that it's probably up here by the eyes somewhere. Well that's the most common
incorrect guess. The occipital lobe of your brain back here at the back. It's
the part that houses the visual cortex. All of the information coming in through
your eyes goes through that part of your brain. There's a little strip up on top
just off of the side. It's about the size of your thumb called the motor cortex.
Handles all your arms, legs movement. Big muscles, small muscles. The right side of
your brain controls the left side of your body. And vice versa. I mean, this is
crazy how the brain is designed. But just to understand different parts do
different things. Now, picture probably up here in the frontal part of the brain, a
little Center that's in charge of paying attention. Staying focused. Well it might
be that part of the brain that's being affected in a kid with ADHD. So, it kind
of goes to sleep. And because this, the treatment of choice
historically for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is stimulant
medication. I know a lot of parents have some issues with this because they don't
want to put their kid on stimulants. Especially if the kid is already
bouncing off of the walls. Well, it makes some sense if you remember that it's
that part of the brain that's not quite functioning ideally. And if it's getting
lazy then the kid doesn't have any way to regulate his own behavior. Stimulant
medication tends to wake up that part of the brain a little bit. This is my
understanding of it. And so that he can pay attention and focus. That's why I
think stimulant medication works. In fact, if you give stimulant medications to a
kid who is not actually verifiably diagnoseable, you're going to increase the
hyperactivity not decrease it. It's been well-established in the research and in
the literature that having ADHD if it goes untreated, can lead to behavioral
problems, relationship problems, academic problems. These kids tend to get into
trouble a lot. So, we can't just let it go. I think we need to treat it. We're not
going to talk about the medication treatment on this video. That's not
within my licensure, that's not my expertise. Here's where I want to go. The
behavioral side. And honestly, even if we can't figure out how to fix this thing
from a medical perspective, if we can manage the behaviors and help these kids
focus better or pay attention better then we're solving at least a part of
the problem. Would you agree? So, let's take a look at
what can be done. I'm suggesting 4 steps here. And experiment with this a
little bit. Let's start with an assumption that you as a parent are in a
good place, Psychologically. Alright? If you're all
upset this isn't the time to do it. But if you're calm and cool and positive and
you remember your job is to love them no matter
even if, then you're in a good place to try these 4 steps. Let's do a little
experiment, see what happens. Step number 1, give them a task that
they can handle. How can you tell if your kid can handle any particular task? I
like to use the 5k rule. It goes like this. If I were to offer my child $5,000
(Or whatever the equivalent of $5,000 is for your kid.) to do what I just asked him
to do, would he do it? If the answer is yes then we know that he has the ability
to do it. And then we're talking about motivation.
Now, what if I offer my daughter $5,000 to replace the roof on the home? No, she
can't do that. That's outside of her abilities. So, we're trying to focus on
ability not motivation, you got it? And if we take the motivation out of the
picture, do they have the ability to do it? How about keeping their room clean?
How about getting their homework done? How about treating their sister nicely?
Yeah. They can handle that. So step number 1, give them a task they can handle.
Step number 2. As a parent, you want to back off at this point. And by that, I
mean don't get all uptight about whether they're going to do it or not. In fact, it's
a little better if you hope that they blow it. Well wait! Wait. That's
counterintuitive, right? Well normally, we give our kids a task and what do we do?
We hope that they do it, right? Because that would show that we're a good parent
or whatever. No. I want you to hope that they blow it? Why? Because they're going to
learn something. And they're going to learn something at the lowest cost
possible. Do you remember all those things that I said would happen if we
let this go untreated? That's expensive. A learning experience can be cheap if it
happens earlier. So, we hope that they blow it because they're going to learn
something at the lowest cost possible. Another
thing this step does for you as a parent is it puts you in a very different place
psychologically. Think about it. If you're hoping... If you are hoping and praying
that they do what you just asked them to do, what are you going to do? You're going to
remind them. Well, we call it reminding. They call it something else.
Probably nagging or ragging on me, right? Doesn't work. If you hope that they blow
it, you're going to step back a little bit and you're going to smile. When Mom smiling,
kids are thinking. Make a note of that somewhere. You're smiling. Why? Because
they're going to blow it. And you're okay with that. We've got 2 more steps. So,
I'm not going to leave you hanging. It puts you in a different place psychologically
and this is powerful as a parent. Let's go to step number 3. You let
consequences and empathy do the teaching. Consequences and empathy. Now, quick
little gut check here as a parent. Most parents aren't willing to let their kids
have consequences. And so they go to the old 3 Rs of parenting. You know
what those are? Rant, rave, and rescue where you ball them out and bail them
out. Check here first to make sure that you are okay with them having the
consequence. If you are really opposed to your child having a particular
consequence then you will bail them out. So, make sure you're okay with it because
that puts you in that powerful smiling position where it's like, "You can do this
or not do this. Either way, it's really fine with me." And you smile. And they get
nervous. Why? Because now they have to think and thinking's a little hard for
them already. Because they have a hard time focusing, remember? This is going to
improve their focus because now we're talking about things that are
to them. So, you let consequences happen and then we wrap that in empathy. Not
anger. Anger usually indicates that you're going to bail them out soon. Don't
go there. Empathy is where you understanding care how they feel. Connect
with them. They don't want this consequence. You're okay with it but they
don't want it. See, that shifts the responsibility over to those little
shoulders. She is fully capable of handling whatever consequence you just
gave her. Yeah. She can't. And you're okay with it. Powerful psychological tool. Now,
let's go to step number 4. Step number 4 is where you give the same task
again. Yeah. Maybe the next day or in a couple
of days. You give them the same task again. This creates a very powerful
message to your child. It says to your child, "I trust you to learn from your
experience. I know you can handle this. You've got this buddy." Wow, isn't that
empowering? As opposed to bail on him out when you ball them out and bail them out,
the message they get is, "Oh, you obviously can't handle thinking for yourself. I'll
do it for you." Really? Do you want to sign up for that job long term? That's going to
be terribly exhausting. Let's empower our kids instead. Hope you found that helpful.
My hat goes off to you as a parent. Thank you for the good job that you're doing
raising the kids in our world. We've got lots of other resources here on the
positive parenting playlist here on the channel. And if you haven't checked it
out yet, please go to parentingpowerup.com where we have other amazing
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