hello everyone and welcome this is the
apostate prophet
sometimes i feel i talk too seriously on
these videos because they are about
islam
islam also has a lot of fun a lot of
comedy it's such a sweet religion that
if you read the fundamental scripture
the hadith narrations by or about
muhammad
you might laugh a lot especially when
it's about the good old satan
of course when you believe in islam you
don't laugh about these things
you just read something weird like satan
farting when the call for prayer has
recited
and you think there is probably some
wisdom in muhammad's words
let me introduce to you all the things
that satan does
well not all of them but quite
interesting things to get the ball
rolling let's start with a light one
satan laughs very much in islam and one
of the things he laughs about is yawning
yes when you yawn satan laughs and
that's why muhammad says that whoever
yawns should try his best
to suppress his yawning so satan can't
laugh
too much yawning is obviously a
completely natural normal function in
humans
and it has a good healthy purpose this
is basic science for kids
but according to muhammad allah dislikes
yawning and satan loves it very much
don't forget the next time you yawn try
to suppress it otherwise
sometimes you have bad dreams nightmares
you know where that dream came from
science will tell you a lot of things
like your fears and your
subconsciousness
that's all bullsh satan gives you those
dreams
and if you have a bad dream you should
spit to your left without saliva
three times that really pisses satan off
i wonder why this is not mentioned among
science miracles that they give you so
often nowadays
muhammad is quite a privileged person by
the way satan can take anyone's form in
a bad dream but not muhammad's form
so if you see muhammad dancing around in
your dream
rest assured that it was muhammad if you
see some guy dancing around with a bell
that's probably satan because the bell
is
satan's instrument babies when they are
born cry
you know why yes because satan touches
every baby that is born
and that's why babies cry this priceless
wisdom was brought to us by muhammad
who was touched by satan when he was
born
donkeys are quite funny sweet animals
but be careful what you like about them
don't adore their bray when donkeys pray
they do that because they have just seen
satan
by the way when a [ __ ] grows that's
because they see an angel
not because it's totally natural for
them to declare their territory
and anticipate the sunrise that's just
common nonsense
since we are so careful about satan i
would also like to remind you whenever
you are eating and you drop some food on
the floor by accident
please pick it up no matter how dirty it
is just remove some dirt on it as much
as possible and then eat it
be filthy don't leave the food to satan
don't let him get a bite
when food falls on the ground satan
comes and eats it
because satan really needs that food
talking about eating it's always good to
eat with your right hand
oh you must eat with your right hand why
you ask
because satan eats with his left hand
and if you're left-handed for some
reason
just shut up you're just pretending to
be left-handed
allah wouldn't create you left-handed
it's bad
stop being a satan you can also prevent
satan from attending your meals all
together
and from entering your house simply by
saying bismillah
in the name of allah that makes sure
satan stays away
but if you forget it for some reason and
then remember it during your meal
and then say it you still save the day
satan vomits out all the food that he
had just eaten
satan doesn't only pick up your filthy
food that he eats with his left hand
he also steals food sometimes satan
doesn't even leave you alone when you
are sleeping
muhammad the glorious the wise prophet
gave us some very valuable information
when he told us
that whenever we go to sleep satan ties
three
knots at the back of our heads and wants
us to keep
sleeping when you feel too sleepy in the
morning and you can't wake up
know that it's satan with his three
knots around your head
not only will you look like this you
will also have a lot of urine in your
ears
not camel urine satan urine satan peace
in your ears if you don't wake up for
prayer in the morning
mohammed said so that's why your ears
feel so weird sometimes in the morning
happened to me once i woke up in the
morning and i noticed that my pillow was
completely wet it was full of pee of
course as a muslim i knew
immediately who to blame and you know
how satan is always there to pee in your
ears in the morning
well satan spends the night inside your
nose
every night he's here right inside right
in here
so don't forget to blow your nose
whenever you wake up satan needs to get
out of there
i guess these devils are very tiny
devils not big ones don't forget
satan is not always this little red
stinker if you have a black
dog you should know that your dog is a
devil too
keep that dog out of your room
especially when you're having sex
because satan the master of devils is
always there when you're having sex
so that he can have some influence on
your little child that you're making
satan is also the guy who makes you
think and question things
if you doubt islam and question the
nature of allah
be sure that such a questioning came
from satan
satan doesn't only challenge you with
thoughts he also challenges you sexually
muhammad used to run to his wives and
have sex with them immediately while
they were working
whenever he saw a woman outside because
seeing women outside made him
too horny because women appear like
satan
it's not me saying this it's the hadith
muhammad
he doesn't only share the shape of women
he also makes them bleed excessively
so if a woman bleeds too much during her
period
it's probably satan's fault that's what
muhammad said
mohammed the medical doctor can we
include this in some medical books
please
satan also distracts prayers and roams
between praying people
which is the reason why muslims praying
in a community should be close to each
other
so they don't let satan walk between
them the same satan that also likes
poetry by the way
satan also likes um
what was that
satan made me forget but anyway satan is
everywhere you can blame him for
everything
he's such a little weasel since we have
heard so much about satan already and i
i bet he's somewhere here around me on
my left on my right
just laughing like a crazy little prick
[Laughter]
there you have it satan farts causes too
much period blood
causes yawning which is something good
plays music
peace in your ears gets inside your nose
makes you forget
things watches you have sex eats with
you appears in dogs and so on there is a
lot of nonsense like this
and whenever muslim apologists come and
make claims about the quran or the
hadith being
containing scientific miracles i always
think about these ridiculous things
and wonder why no muslim ever comes to
me and mentions
them although they are totally reliable
islamically reliable
it looks like muhammad used satan very
much to just explain
things that are bad or that he thought
were bad
like dogs and music all in all it's just
so much absurdity it's so much
nonsense it just makes you feel shame
when you are an educated muslim
and you read these things muhammad was
just a 7th century guy from arabia
he wasn't half as smart as you are today
no one needs his nonsense
seriously stay away from islam
you