All right, everybody, Season 16 is here.
At first, it was the Billboard, and now it's the VMAs, baby.
And Kalen is here and ready to go.
The VMAs is full of shocking moments.
First, we had Britney kissing Madonna.
Then we had Kanye taking for Taylor.
Now they going to let me on the carpet, child,
anything could happen.
All right, everyone, my best friend is here.
Oh, hey.
Hi, Shawn.
We're best friends.
Yes, we are.
And look at these shoes.
Get into these shoes.
Pointed toes for the VMAs.
Like you out here got your foot on people's necks.
You know what that mean?
No, I don't know if I want to know.
It means you're on the verge of killing them?
Oh, oh, no, that's very dark, Shawn.
Well, that's what it sounds like.
Yeah, you know I'm not a very dark person.
What are you most excited for tonight?
Madonna is here.
Yes.
I mean, she's Madonna.
Facts.
That's a good answer.
It is, yeah.
She's just so Madonna.
[BOTH LAUGH]
I love that we're in sync right now.
I know.
Yes, indeed.
DJ Khaled is behind me.
You have to come out.
I don't know what's happening.
I don't know what's behind me.
I'm a little nervous to turn around.
The whole family is drenched, dripping in Versace.
That's right, we ain't playing.
We ain't playing no games.
--no games.
OK?
Because they don't want to see us winning out here.
How do you feel about wearing the best hat on the red carpet?
Oh, my god, that was so nice.
I know that you're known for your catchphrases, OK?
And I got some of my own.
So I'mma tell you mine.
And I want to hear your take on them.
All right.
OK, so the first one is snatching wigs.
Hit me.
Man, don't do that.
Don't do that.
We not going to snatch-- we got to snatch some wigs.
You going up on with JLO today.
I'm giving you advice.
Don't do that.
[LAUGHING]
Don't do that.
DJ Khaled said, don't snatch nobody's wigs off, OK?
We going to make sure they are secured with some lace front
glue.
What is the most shocking thing about you?
Something that you probably wouldn't
know, because it's pretty random,
I just started watching Big Little Lies today.
OK, you know Meryl Streep's on Season 2?
Ay, I didn't know that.
[SQUEALING]
[SCREAMS] Meryl!
We need to watch it together.
What is something shocking about you?
You threw me on the spot.
I didn't learn how to tie my shoes till I was nine.
Nine years old?
Nine years old.
Who was tying your--
I was slow as hell.
I don't know.
I don't know what happened.
I was, like, I love Velcro.
Velcro is my passion.
And then I did learn.
So what motivated you to learn?
I found a real cute pair of shoes, and it was worth it.
Yes!
Yeah, now she's grown and sexy.
Baby, look at her out here pumping there some Louboutins,
OK?
We went from Velcro to red bottoms.
That's how you do it.
I want that kind of glow-up, OK?
You have words on this.
What does it say?
I think it's supposed to say, "I'm smoking hot,"
not like smoking.
You know what I'm saying?
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Yeah.
I like that, because you are smoking hot.
So look, you're just giving it to way.
Did I just compliment myself?
You did, and there is nothing wrong with that, baby.
Don't you let nobody tell you you can't compliment yourself,
OK?
You better live your best life.
Thank you, because I'm out here living my best life.
Look at him, Maluma.
Hey, what's up?
Yep.
[LAUGHING]
OK, ladies, I'm going to give you five seconds
to just look at him.
Here we go.
Look at him, him, him.
Look at him.
I know.
Isn't it great?
So what are you most excited about tonight?
Ooh, I don't know.
We're both nominated for the same award.
Yeah, she's a veteran at this.
This is my first VMA, so--
Oh!
This is my first too!
Really?
Look, we both new.
Yeah.
Look at us, VMA virgins.
Look at these shoes.
Now I'm trying to figure out who got the best shoes.
OK, because I just bought these from Gucci.
I don't know.
You know what, I always say, you can't put a price on swag.
You can't put a price on it.
Yes, those are Gucci, and they're great.
I don't want to hate on you.
But I would say, I'm kind of doing my thing over here.
You bedazzling.
You out here shining brightly like a diamond.
And for all y'all know, I did this myself.
Who knows?
See what I mean?
I mean, you know.
[CHUCKLES]
Ooh, OK, well, we got a handyman too.
He over here bedazzling shoes.
Since JLO is going to give it to us tonight,
you know, she going to go out there and shake that booty,
popping a little bit, a little ol' boom kick.
Ooh, pop.
Yeah, so we going to take us a JLO shot.
Oh, I'd love that.
Bring it on.
OK, so then now blue one is--
I'll do the red.
Oh, OK, honey.
She already know.
Is this an American thing?
Uh, I think so, girl.
I ain't never taken no Jell-O shot.
Bam, boom-diggity.
Ooh, did you feel it?
You feel it, though?
Oh, yeah.
Oh, ha ha!
Oh, we're ready.
She got a little stitch in the neck, yes.
I've actually never done a Jell-O shot.
Have you?
Do you know how to do this?
When I was like four, I did it on--
Four?
Yeah.
Well, I wasn't supposed to do it, obviously, but--
You was-- oh, Jesus!
At four, don't tell nobody that.
No, don't tell nobody that.
OK, you ready?
I think--
We were in Canada.
We would do the--
Oh, I got to break it up?
That's the worst Jell-O I've ever had.
All, right, everybody, Kylie Jenner just got here.
And you know they only show up last.
So that means the show is about to begin, and I got to go.
I done sweated out these Gucci loafers with my bare feet
up in these shoes, [INAUDIBLE].
I got to go, OK?
I will see you next week, Ellen.
I love you so much.
Season 16, let's go.
Oh wait, this is y'all's right here.