well i'm glad you folks are in a great mood tonight our first guest is uh one of the
funniest men working in television today he is the anchor of weekend update on the
popular saturday night live program please welcome norm macdonald how you doing i'm doing good huh
no that's hard i'm just slow that's okay happy new year buddy happy new year thank you very
much for being here yeah you don't mind if i ask you a question i hear today i hear this story
another's like this press release you get your ass fired does that yeah no you didn't get fired
yeah they fired no they didn't fire yet no i'm serious i i talked to a guy that said i'm fired
fired from your television job from on the weekend out you know i do the news
the weekend update and i do the jokes sometimes many times the best part of the show
but uh
it's all a matter of opinion that's your opinion it's my opinion yeah but then the guys that can
fire me that's not their opinion now why would they fire you well uh who fired you first of all
let's get some names here let's get this on the record well i don't know the guys like because the
guys i work with like lauren michaels and stuff did lauren michaels fire you no he did he didn't
fire me he likes me and stuff well it's his show isn't it i thought it was his show yeah but well
then how can a guy come in from the outside and fire you somebody from abc fired you no no their
nbc what happens is you work on the show and then there's these guys that hang out like in the halls
yeah we got them here we got them here and they're called executives they're nbc executives right
and then i'd see them i didn't know who the hell they were what they did you know now i know what
they do they fire me from weekend update but uh they uh they they said that this guy don who turns
out to be the president yeah now i know don o meyer and just between you and me as an idiot
so i wouldn't take it seriously if this guy fired you you may still have a job you never know
i'd wait for some paperwork yeah i i phoned him you know
oh you had the phone you had to phone in to pick up your messages from that
oh man yeah so i said hey you don't know what to say you're like hey how's it going there you know
you're trying to talk about something else did you have a turkey there for the thing or whatever
and then uh so he goes uh oh yeah i'm uh i'm firing you there from the show and then i i
said uh oh that's not good and then i said why is that now and he goes uh oh you're not you
know you're not funny yeah and then i said uh i said holy lord that's even worse news you know
he just fired you what do you mean he's a good what is wrong with you
you quizzling stop that i don't know what quizzling means
but i mean to me like you know you have to be philosophical by these things i mean at first
like when i found out you know i was upset but then you know i uh i really started to i started
to think about it you know and plus i drank a lot of whiskey and i and then afterwards yeah
like that but then the next day i sobered up and i remembered
you know that i still had some whiskey left
so you went right back through it but now now norm i far be it for me to tell you
how to lead your life or your career because lord knows you've been very very successful
but if the guy says to you we don't want you on the weekend update and that's like your signature
piece you're you're kind of like the anchorman not only of that segment but of the entire
saturday night live show if things aren't going great they give the ball to you
you're the damn quarterback norm you're the one who punches it over the goal line for pay dirt
so now i mean mr big shot cologne and cufflinks don ohmeyer
if he says we don't want you on the weekend update i'd adios absolutely hit the dirt come on over
here to cbs we'll get you a nice show we'll put you we'll put you together a nice show for you
all right
you're no quizzling i never i've never been called that
well now will you stay on the on the rest of the show yeah i'm gonna stay
like i do also uh other than do an update i do like sketches but like i stink in those so uh that
you know he thinks i'm funny enough yeah oh it's just the weekend update he doesn't think you're
funny yeah he doesn't think i'm funny in weekend update and uh god only knows i mean you know
he it's just a matter of opinion he he also thinks that oj is innocent exactly exactly don't
don't let this pinhead push you around for heaven's sakes no he's not a pinhead he's a
uh he's a he's a fat guy there we go now come on norm let's go let's get a little heat on here no
it's funny when you don't like a guy just cause he's fat you know what i mean no it has nothing
to do with him being fat no he doesn't have anything to do with him being fat
you don't like it because he's a dope no no it's just a you know what i've
always said is uh i've said comedy is subjective i never really said that
i said i usually say whiskey is good yeah that's right but norm you're you're very very funny
you're you're like the strength of that franchise well do you know any guys over there you can give
a call to anything well yeah well they're gonna take a call from me you're lucky you're lucky
they took your call so they can fire you are you kidding ah but there are you getting some
support from the rest of the cast members well you know the the people on the cast like they go
you know when you work at a place you know some people like it some people hate you
but uh oh yeah you don't even tell me that so you know people come up to you and go oh man i'm sorry
and then uh either they they're sorry or they're not sorry yeah that's right so how the hell do you
know no you don't really know but you can tell well sometimes you can tell like you walk into
a room and then everybody will stop talking and then so you go hey were you just talking about
how you were glad i got fired from the update and then you go no no we were talking about uh hats
but now let me go back to this and i don't want to embarrass you again but if if lauren michaels the
guy who created the show the guy who's kept the show in business all these years it's his show
mr big shot mr table at orsos lorne michaels why doesn't he step in why doesn't he throw himself
in front of this gorilla to save your job what's going on there with that it sounds to me like he's
a quizzling he is he well it's what it sounds like maybe we can get a dictionary at the break
but you know what i'm saying this is the guy didn't lauren michaels hire you yes he did
then who ought to be able to fire you lauren michael right so where was he did he fire you
no he didn't fire him but he's like your buddy right your buddies yeah
he's a good man and what did he say to you been very supportive of him well i guess not
what did he say to you he said to me he says to me he says
he said look norm this is the deal he said i want you to stay on as we can update oh
good well there you go well great so you got the job back that's good news
hang on stay right there think about it we're going to get this straightened out all right norm
macdonald is here from saturday night live peter wilson from uh la femme nikita streb have you ever
seen these strap people oh they're great they're going to change your life but he got there now we
looked up quizlet yeah i looked at it yeah and also there's do you know what quiz master means
yeah i'd be like alex quebec yeah i knew that no quizling is a master of ceremonies on a game show
there you go quizling is a traitor who serves as the puppet of the
enemy occupying his country exactly that's what i'm talking about thank you very much
you sir are no quizzlings i thought i was done when i didn't know what quizzling was
i think i'm even dumber now because i still don't know
so now norm a couple of things come to mind here
this seems so preposterous to me so unfathomable so unreasonable that i'm guessing oh it's like
a stunt like a publicity stunt like big time wrestling or something is that that kind of deal
where you and donald meyer will have a feud and you'll you'll wrestle on the show or something for
your job one of those deals no no i like donald oh no how can you like this weasel fired you
no but he doesn't think i'm funny and yet you like the man sure i don't i mean you know here's here's
what a lot of people don't think i'm fine enjoy your complimentary beverage now tomorrow night it
ain't risky but it's good now there's a great song now tomorrow night tomorrow night come back on the
show or friday when i come back on the show and do weekend update you can do weekend update here
you can be the weekend update guy on this show that'd be great there you go
now who's who's taking your place on the weekend update i don't know apparently they had some press
release today but i don't i don't read the papers which is that wasn't good either not if you're
in charge of weekend update just blatantly admit that you don't know what's going on
i did too many nixon jokes
i'll tell you one thing i'll tell you who's taking your place nobody can take your place
mcdonald's that's what i think
you don't seem to be taking this too hard you seem to be taking it pretty well well i mean
i don't know because uh if so if somebody doesn't like you then and they uh own the
joint you know that's fine i mean i don't know why would you want to work in that atmosphere
why wouldn't you want to take a hike and say well i'll show you i'll take my little weekend
update someplace else and bury you punks i don't know i guess i'm a goddamn quizling or something
normal jeez i hope you land on your feet i think you're gonna but you're gonna be in part of the
show anyway right yeah i'll be doing you know kind of things yeah i'll be you know now i think
that's a hilarious impression of me you'll be doing that i guess why didn't they fire that
they do is they uh now they're saying oh we're putting a whole bunch of sketches which i don't
want to be in because of course then they're like here you're the scientist and uh uh
you uh you're the scientist in charge of monkey boy or something and uh you know and then i'm
like running in going hey uh cheerleaders what's going on uh i haven't seen monkey boy i don't know
i didn't have a bad sketch though that ain't bad that's got possibilities um how's everything at
home your mom all right oh yeah you get to see your mom much uh she came to visit me in new york
you know that's nice and she's a real sweet you know she she doesn't know much about show business
you know but she always tries she knows i'm in show business right yeah i mean until tonight
so she always tries to give me like the showbiz news i mean like a couple years ago
she phoned me up she goes uh oh my god have you heard the news liza minnelli's a phony
and that was her like story elizabeth is a phony and i thought how can that be like
a story like uh i'm sure she probably is a phony you know but how would that be a scoop and then
like it took me a while to figure out she was talking about them i remember millie vanilli yeah
oh
she's like into that stuff you know she must be very excited and proud though i mean what
because you work with big big stars like you've worked with i know you've worked with bill cosby
oh yeah bill cosby man he was he's my favorite guy ever since i was young
and i got to open for him at this comedy thing and he was the greatest
i got to meet him and stuff and you know when you meet these guys it's so like
you know you're aw shock or something you know because you can't believe you're talking this guy
and uh and so i told him i said you know he's always funny he has that funny way of talking so
i go hey hi nice to meet you mr cosby and he goes like yes yes yeah and then you just laugh you know
and then so i go oh man i go you're my favorite you know and ever since i was a little kid i
always listen to you're my dad's favorite comedian ever you know and he goes now where is your dad
from yeah yeah that's pretty good that's pretty good maybe i'll do it this week on the show
so so i tell cosby you know i say oh my dad's from ottawa so he turns to his
buddy ben as his manager or something and he goes ben isn't we aren't the ottawa you know
and uh ben goes yes we are playing ottawa soon ben understands cosby says and uh he goes yes mr
cosby we are uh we do have a gig in ottawa and uh coming up and uh he goes what is your father
give me a paper so he gets a favor and he goes here now write your father's name on the paper
everything's funny is that if i said that hey write your father's name on the paper
so he goes and the pen the man needs the pen you know so i got the pen and the paper you know
so i'm right now my father's a thing and then all of a sudden i realize that my father's dead
that's a problem
oh man so i like i panic you know i'm in this situation my dad's been dead eight nine years
and i got the the paper and the pen you know yeah and uh so i i know ottawa's area code
you know so i write that and then i'm just writing down uh like random numbers you know
and then i go uh here you go mr cosby this is my father's still alive's number here
you know and he's like hey i can get up
so i thought god man that's a stupid thing i did you know and uh then a couple weeks
later i get a call and it's bill cosby on the phone and he's like i phoned the number
and he was so sweet like he actually phoned my father's number like what
a great man you know man and he said the man does not live with the number
the man answered and not your father you know so i'm like uh oh i'm pretty sure
cause i couldn't go oh yeah i forgot he's been dead ten years yeah oh man uh well norm
i hope we've been able to get you through your darkest hour and that i hope you somehow find
the will to carry on and normally this would be the time when we'd mention the show on saturday
night but i'm so angry about this and i don't care about the show saturday and neither should you oh
good to see you norman thank you man come back