It's April.
Can you believe it's April?
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Spring break is here.
People are going crazy.
They're drunk-dancing on tables, getting piercings in places
that only a doctor should see.
If you're getting a piercing where you can only see it
with a handheld mirror, I think that you're drinking too much,
I think.
People usually come back from spring break with two things--
a sunburn and a hangover.
And I think I know why.
Because the swimsuits are getting smaller and the drinks
are getting bigger.
The way drinking has evolved is crazy.
I want to show you what has happened.
In the beginning, people drank out of this, out of a goblet.
And you would drink one glass of wine.
And then you'd get a little buzzed and a little dizzy,
but not from alcohol, from the lead poisoning, really.
These would sometimes lead to wet corset contests.
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I-- I almost didn't do it.
I didn't think it was good.
I did it anyway.
All right.
Then they invented this.
This is a shot glass.
And it was so you could get all the alcohol without any
of that annoying juice.
And I like it because it's efficient.
And it does the job of a regular-sized drink
but in half the time.
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Now I'm buzzed.
All right.
And from there, things got completely out of control.
This-- you know, I thought this was a joke this morning
when I saw it.
But apparently it's not a joke.
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How many people have seen this before?
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I don't know where y'all go, but I don't have--
it's called a fishbowl cocktail.
And you know the old saying, drink like a fish?
Now you literally can drink like a fish.
This has vodka, rum, tequila, pineapple juice, coconut juice,
lemon.
It's a mix of everything except good decisions.
All right.
Then someone invented this.
And it's called a beer tower.
And this is great if you want to throw
a bachelor party for your friend and a going away party
for your liver.
And I know what you're thinking.
That's nice, but I don't drink beer.
Well-- [LAUGHS] oh, god--
then there's this.
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So this is a--
this is a yardstick.
It has a strap.
And you can walk around and show everyone your drinking problem.
You can just--
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All right.
Then, finally, if you need more alcohol, this is a Bongzilla.
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Nothing good has ever come after the sentence, want to try
my Bongzilla?
All right.
I'm going to show you how this works.
I don't drink beer.
So I'm going to pour my favorite tequila--
Casa Dragones tequila.
There it is.
And so what happens?
How much-- does that whole bottle fit in there?
Mhm.
(SARCASTICALLY) Uh-huh.
All right.
And then-- Zenor, I don't want to do it.
You do it.
OK.
Wow!
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It's amazing.