- His album, Hello Mr. Magic Plain Person, Hello
is available on cassettes?
- What?
- Holy crap!
- From Burger Records, it's Jonah Ray.
(crowd cheers)
(bright music)
Today's internet headline's rapid refresh!
(audience cheers)
- Oh hell nah!
♫ Unzip the zipper and you pull out your (mumbles)
♫ But make sure that you lift up the toilet seat
♫ Come on
♫ Wipe the base and clean the pee-pee
♫ And now my girlfriend won't be mad at me, shabba
(audience laughs)
- Shabba!
(audience laughs)
(mumbles) for 100 points, please name this song.
Jonah, I'm not sure it's time for questions
but you have your hand raised.
- Well in the end, it's not even an original.
It's a cover by R. Kelly.
(audience laughs)
- Point's Jonah Ray!
It's time to play our next game, sweet emoji!
(audience laughs)
I'm gonna show you a series of emoji and for 250 points,
I want you to translate the sentence.
Next one...
What's (laughs) Jonah?
- It's...
Oh...
What's that poodle?
You know where I can score some sweet h?
(audience laughs)
- I asked you to respond to the following
Craigslist ad, free llama!
I have a free llama.
Bring a trailer, he's yours.
My name's Timber and some other stuff.
So, let's find out what you guys said
responding to the post.
- Interested in the massage, can the llama watch?
When my ending is happy, I will scream your name
as my tree falls, hashtag timber!
(audience laughs)
- It is time to play Konichiwhat?
(applause)
I'm gonna show you guys a clip from a YouTube video
of some insane Japanese technology
and for 250 points, you have to come up
with the American name for that product.
What is that?
(bell rings)
Jonah.
- The uncle pillow.
(audience laughs)
(applause)
- Yeah.
- The rest of us don't know what you're talking about.
(audience laughs)
- They do now.
- It is cringe worthy.
Cringe worthy.
Alright, using three words
how much can you make me cringe?
Jonah Ray.
- Chris is 42.
(audience laughs)
- And now it's time for new Netflix categories.
- Movies that don't hold up.
(audience laughs)
- That would be awesome category!
- Gandhi chick flicks.
Movies Nick Cage made because he's in debt.
- Yes!
It's time for, failed podcasts.
(audience cheers)
- Jonah radio.
- [Chris] Hey!
- The Nerdist, hosted by Shia LaBeouf.
- I want you to give me as many new Twitter
day themes as possible.
- Hardwick dick pick Wednesdays.
(audience cheers)
- I guess I can switch it from Tuesdays.
- Does this look like syphilis Sundays?
(audience laughs)
- Points!
Jonah? - Third nipple Thursdays.
(audience laughs)
- I'm gonna show you guys the cover of a graphic novel
we found on Amazon.
I want you to give me the name
of the next issue in the series.
Alright, you ready?
First one, The Adventures of Super Jew!
- My favorite one is Super Jew versus the included gratuity.
(audience laughs)
- Oh man.
(audience claps)
- Oh boy.
- Stretch it out!
Stretch that one out. - Oh,
I'm gonna feel that one tomorrow.
(audience laughs)
I apologize for getting our show cancelled.
- I know, I just feel like even being near you
is gonna hurt my career.
(audience laughs)
- Yeah.
- Alright, 100 points for Mel Gibson.
I asked you to write a letter to the home front
as a soldier in a war where the main weapon is farts.
Let's hear those letters.
Jonah Ray.
- [Jonah] Dearest Abigail,
(fart noise)
I love the smell of bacon egg burritos in the morning.
(fart noise)
It smells like (fart noise) victory.
(fart noise)
Signed your loving husband (fart noise)
Corporal (fart noise) j, (fart noise) r Rodrigues.
(fart noise) of the proud farting 25th.
- It is time to play bust out the fuzzy handcuffs.
Bust out the fuzzy handcuffs.
(mumbles) I'm gonna show you the picture
of an awful bachelorette party and for (mumbles) points
you have to give me a line from the police report
right after the picture was taken.
Jonah.
- Blood tests show that all three of those women
have hepatitis (yells)
(audience laughs)
- [Mamrie] Oh my god!
Jesus.
(Chris laughs)
- That's the last time that'll ever happen.
(audience laughs)
Jonah.
- The iceman cometh tequila.
(contestants laugh)
- Yes! - Bravo!
(claps)
And now it's time for tonight's hashtag wars!
(audience cheers)
Tonight's hashtag is ruin a nursery rhyme.
- There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
Thanks, Obama!
Jack and Jill went up the hill
to talk about the abortion.
- So you think he pushed her down the hill?
(constants laugh)
I mean if (mumbles) cause of what you said!
(Chris and Jonah yelling)
(mumbles) you mother tuxedo jerk!
- I'll forget about it.
- [Emily] It's the suits!
- I'll forget about it if you just give me the points.
- [Chris] Alright points.
- Third eye blind mice.
- Yes!
(Chris humming)
And because today is also Ron Jeremy's birthday,
tonight's hashtag is filthy celebrities.
- Gonorrhea Pearlman.
Weird Anal Yankovik.
- Tonight's hashtag is sexy restaurants.
- Jack in a box.
Five guys.
Dunkin' these nuts.
Baskin throbbins.
- Yes, I never want this to end!
Tonight's hashtag is, bad coffee flavors.
- Folgers.
(audience laughs)
George Zimmer-mint lattae.
Yeah, it's real bad.
It's a real bad flavor.
(audience laughs)
- Tonight's hashtag is comic con band.
- It's a grateful walking dead.
Coldplay with myself.
(audience laughs)
- Tonight's hashtag is hip-hop books.
- A lot people walkin' around like
they got something to say.
But nothing comes out when their lips,
just a bunch of gibberish like they forgot about
50 shades of Dre.
- [Chris] Points!
(applause)
- Holy.
That was masterful.