With three weeks to go until Election Day
and millions of votes already cast,
coronavirus remains the top issue for America.
And any normal president would be laser focused
on getting corona under control, helping businesses stay afloat,
keeping schools open.
But Donald Trump is not a normal president.
So instead, he's focusing on this.
NEWSWOMEN: With weeks until the election
and trailing in the polls,
President Trump seized on a report in the New York Post
published Wednesday, claiming files and e-mails were taken
from the laptop that allegedly previously belonged
to Hunter Biden.
The report alleges that the former vice president
used his position to advance his son's business interests
in Ukraine, and that both Bidens were not truthful
about that relationship.
The story's sourcing has also raised questions
about its authenticity, as the files were given to the Post
through an attorney for the president's personal lawyer,
Rudy Giuliani.
Twitter and Facebook have limited the distribution
of that Hunter Biden story,
and last night Twitter appeared to suspend
the Twitter account of White House press secretary,
Kayleigh McEnany, when she tried to share that story.
Damn. You know a story is shady when Facebook is saying,
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
maybe people shouldn't see this."
Because, think about it, usually people are posting
about how vaccines did 9/11, and Facebook is like,
"Okay, wait, wait, let's hear them out. Tell me more."
And honestly, it's insane that Trump's people
are even going after Biden by targeting his son.
Like, if these were my sons,
I'd maintain a strict "Kids Are Off-Limits" policy.
Look at them.
They always look like they've done some shit wrong.
And this should also go without saying,
but obviously, people should be skeptical
of anything where Rudy Giuliani is the source.
Just as a rule in life.
Never trust a man who dine-and-dashed on his dentist
halfway through the job.
You just don't trust those people.
Now, look, I'm not surprised that Rudy Giuliani's trying
to come up with something before the election.
I mean, I get it.
What I am disappointed by is that the Trump campaign
is using the same story.
Really? Hacked Russian e-mails? Again?
You just gonna reuse the same October surprise
as last election?
It's called an "October surprise."
Not an "October... Hey, I know this one."
It's not a surprise if we can see it coming.
A surprise has to be unexpec...
Surprise!
But I got to say, I don't think this plan,
to get people caring about the Burisma scandal is gonna work.
Because who even knows what Burisma is?
I mean, Trump himself can't even pronounce it.
Eight months after his alleged meeting with...
the Burmisa...
executives...
so these, uh, Buromesia...
Burmusia-- they say pronounce it "Burmusia."
A real beautiful company.
(laughing)
Oh, man, that was painful to watch.
You know what that looked like?
That was like watching Trump's mouth
trying to walk down a ramp.
I mean, how does Trump not know how to say "Burisma,"
when that's all he's talked about for years?
This should concern people.
If Tony the Tiger was like, "Frosted Flakes--
they're grunk!"
You'd be like, "I hope this guy's brain is okay.
Are you okay, Tony?
Yeah, I'm groomph!
The best part is, after Trump mispronounces the word,
he then tells everyone that, no,
that's how you're actually supposed to pronounce it.
Which is the oldest playground move in the book.
I totally meant to do that. That wasn't a mistake.
Really, dude? You wanted your pants to split open
so we could all see your Spider-Man undies?
Yeah. That's how... that's how they say you do it
on the Internet.
But do you know what I say?
Enjoy it while you can, people.
'Cause Donald Trump
is the Michael Jordan of mispronouncing words.
We're gonna have to wait a whole nother generation
to get someone messing up words at this level.
Even then, I still think that Trump is gonna be
the greatest of all time.
You know? I'll be that old dude in a barbershop like:
Yeah, this youngblood mispronounces shit all right,
but Donald Trump invented not making sense.
Watch him trying to say "Burisma"
and tell me he's not the GOAT.
Say, watch him say "Burisma."
Shit, you ain't never seen anybody
mispronounce "Burismemir" like that.
But while we've heard Trump talk about Burisma and Hunter Biden
a million times before, don't worry.
He's still looking around for new material.
In fact, he seems to have stumbled on
one previously unreported issue
that might just blow this election wide-open.
President Trump is now leaning
into another fake conspiracy theory
in an attempt to discredit former president Barack Obama.
The Washington Post reports the president
used his Twitter account to promote an absurd claim
that Osama bin Laden wasn't killed
by U.S. Special Forces in May 2011.
NEWSMAN: President Trump alleges that the Obama administration
killed Osama bin Laden's body double,
not the terrorist leader
during SEAL Team 6's 2011 raid.
NEWSMAN 2: The Post says the president even retweeted
an allegation that the Obama administration
deliberately shot down a military helicopter
with U.S. Navy SEALs
as a part of an elaborate cover-up.
Yo, yo, yo, yo, now, this is what I'm talking about.
This is what I'm talking about. None of this boring shit
with Hunter Biden's e-mail and Burismia.
President Obama killed a secret bin Laden body double
and then killed SEAL Team 6 to cover it up,
and then he managed to keep it all quiet
for eight years?! (whoops)
Honestly, guys, if that's true, then I'm impressed,
because that sounds way harder to pull off
than just killing bin Laden.
To me, the best part of this conspiracy
is that at some point, Obama had to hold auditions
for a bin Laden body double to kill.
You understand that's what this means, right?
"Thank you so much for giving me this part.
Oh, I'm so excited. So, is this for a TV series?"
"Uh, actually, it's, uh, more of a onetime thing."
"I also notice there is no script."
"Uh, yeah. Uh, we're just gonna shoot a little thing.
We'll just shoot something, see what happens."
I'll also say this. If Trump loses this election,
I think Twitter should hire him,
because they can find out what conspiracy accounts to suspend
just based on what he retweets.
"Wow, this tweet says Obama started COVID
"to distract us from his wedding
to George Soros."
"Great job, Mr. President. Suspend that account.
You did it again."
So, look,
America has a real decision to make in this election.
I know that coronavirus has killed 215,000 people
and is killing more every day,
but just imagine how many Americans
could be killed
once Osama bin Laden teams up
with Hunter Biden and Burma-mia.
I think the choice is clear.