-It's time to play a game of deception
called "True Confessions."
♪♪
Wow.
My first opponent is an amazing actor
whose new animated series, "The Great North,"
airs Sundays at 8:30 p.m. on FOX.
Please welcome Nick Offerman.
Nick, it is great to see you.
-Thank you, Jimmy. Good to see you.
-Nick and I will be facing off against a talented model
who just launched a brand-new YouTube channel today.
Please welcome Hailey Bieber.
Oh!
Hailey, welcome, welcome, welcome.
I'm happy you guys are here.
Here's how this works.
Each of us have two envelopes containing confessions.
One is true, the other is a lie.
Once you read your confession,
the other players will interrogate you,
and then they have to come to a unanimous decision --
is it the truth or a lie?
Nick, you will go first.
Hailey, which envelope should he open,
number one or number two?
-Number two.
-Yeah, I agree. -Number two.
-Yep.
-In a Tokyo -- [ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ]
Who wrote these?
In a Tokyo hotel lobby,
I once offered my services to a middle-aged businessman
as a prostitute.
-[ Chuckles ]
What?
Wait, no. What -- What --
Alright, what year was this?
-1991.
-And why were you in Tokyo?
-I was touring a Kabuki theater show around Japan.
-Yeah. And you were in the Kabuki theater?
-I was. I was cast as... soldier number three.
-[ Laughs ]
It's so outlandish that I feel like it might be true.
-There was a language situation
that maybe created a bit of a snafu.
-Ah. [ Laughs ]
-I was going to say there's no way that's true,
but I don't know.
I think honestly that now makes me think
that it actually did happen.
Hailey, what do you think?
-That's -- What I was saying before is
it sounds so outlandish that perhaps it's true.
♪♪
-You are correct.
That actually did occur. [ Ding ]
-Yes! -[ Laughs ]
What happened?
Wait. What did you think you were saying?
-Yeah, what was going on here?
-My two friends and I
were having breakfast in this hotel lobby,
and they were also in the show.
And this older gentleman came over,
and he was very interested to meet us.
And we were trying to make conversation,
and he was offering us cigarettes.
And we were smokers then, so we took them.
And we kept saying we're in the Kabuki show,
and his eyes would light up.
And so what happened was... -[ Laughs ] What?
-...Kabuki is the theater style,
but it is also slang for "prostitutes."
-Oh, wow! -So we were saying to this guy,
"We're in a theater show,"
and what he was hearing is, "Hello.
We're American hookers.
[ Laughter ]
-It is now -- It is my turn.
Which envelope should I open?
Number one, number two? Do you care?
-I'll go number one.
-Is that what you propositioned to the guy?
[ Laughter ]
Here we go.
One time, I accidentally dined and dashed with Alec Baldwin
because we each thought the other person paid the bill.
You know him.
Questions?
-Doesn't seem impossible to me.
But here's what I want to know --
Where were you dining?
-It was Pierre's,
which is a French bistro in East Hampton.
-Oh, you're good. That's a good detail.
-So, Hailey, you know this turf, I presume.
-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
I feel like I should have a sixth sense
because this is someone I'm related to.
Um...hmm.
I'm going to say
that I think that that's probably true.
-I'm going to say it's true.
-It's false.
-[ Gasps ] -What?!
-That's the best acting I've ever done in my life!
We would nev--
I've been to dinner with Alec, but, no,
we never dined and dashed at Pierre's.
I made the whole thing up. -You said it was an accident!
-I made the whole thing up!
-Wow, you are diabolical, Jimmy.
-Never, ever, ever happened.
Yes! That's the greatest acting.
I should get back into movies.
-I'm impressed. I'm impressed. -Thank you.
Hailey, it is now your turn.
Nick, which envelope should she open --
number one or number two?
-I will go with number two, please.
-Yep. -Number two, okay.
[ Sighs ]
Number two says...
one time, I got lost on a jet ski
and was chased by a pack of wild dogs.
♪♪
-Okay. -Phew.
-I know. That's a thinker.
It's a brain bender only because --
I'm just not seeing the wild dogs
on the water chasing you.
And they have to be running pretty fast
to be chasing you on a jet ski, wouldn't you say, Nick?
-Well, unless --
are "The Wild Dogs" the name of a marauding gang...
-[ Laughs ] Like a jet ski gang?
-...in the Hampton area, perhaps?
[ Laughter ]
-The Wild Dogs. Yeah, they're a famous jet ski gang.
I've heard of these. They're like a lake gang.
-No, we're talking real, live wild dogs.
-Was it night or day?
-What are you talking -- -It was daytime.
-You can't jet ski at nighttime.
-Jet skiing at night sounds dangerous.
-Yeah.
-I'm not a big jet ski enthusiast.
I apologize.
You --
Did you survive the encounter?
-[ Laughs ]
Obviously.
Alright. Wait a second.
-Well, I'm here.
-Yes, you're here.
Well, how did you get to land?
I'm assuming they chased you around the beach.
-We were actually doing a little boat excursion,
and we had taken the jet skis off the boat...
-Okay. Alright. Here we go. -...to explore,
and we ended up just barely making it back
after a few of the jet skis had died.
-Yep. This is -- You know why this is true?
Nick? Because I was a model myself,
and when you are successful, you do -- you party.
-Okay. Jimmy, did I hear correctly?
Are you attempting to tell me what models do?
[ Laughter ]
As though I'm not a very --
-No, no, no, no, no, no, I would never say that.
That is not -- Dude, no no.
I would never -- Sorry to insult you.
Dude, I've known you for a long time. So --
-I'm -- Listen, I mean, I guess I'm either gullible
or you guys are very talented,
because I'm also leaning towards believing this story.
And also, I'm just going to text my business manager real quick
because I'm going to invent
a jet ski with a headlight and --
-[ Laughing ] Oh, my God.
That's not the point of all of this!
-Get the [bleep]
-Chased by wild dogs on a jet ski,
which is, honestly, that is an insane story.
I'm going to say it sounds so bizarre that it's true.
-I agree. We say true.
-You guys are correct.
[ Laughing ] That is a true story.
-My thanks to Nick Offerman, Hailey Bieber.
That was "True Confessions."