Today I am talking about boundaries.
Now many of you have reached out to me
and said that you have struggled
to put up healthy boundaries
with people in your life.
Now, why do we even need boundaries?
Many of us have people in our lives
who treat us poorly,
they talk down to us,
they boss us around
or can be really rude and aggressive.
And we have really struggled
to find a way to tell them to stop.
So today I am going to teach you
five steps on how to help people treat you better.
♫ (introduction music playing) ♫
There may have been a time in our lives
when we were too young,
or we didn't really have any control over our situation.
And therefore we had no other option,
but to let people treat us
in an undesirable way.
But now, we are grownups.
Even if we are teens,
we are still adult enough
to teach people how to treat us properly.
Now, one of the things we often don't realize,
is that we are reinforcing
some of this undesirable behavior.
Let's give an example:
So let's say we have someone in our life
who's really bossy, really pushy,
and they are aggressive,
and they keep asking for things,
Until, we're exhausted,
we don't want to fight with them
and we give in,
and they get their way.
Now you can see that reinforces their behavior
because they got really pushy,
really aggressive and they got what they wanted.
And who would have even thought
that was really reinforcing
this "bad boundary"
or "undesirable behavior",
but it really is.
The first step to teaching people how to better treat us
is noticing these times
where we may be reinforcing bad behavior.
Because we often don't even realize we're doing it.
So if we can take time,
and pay attention to when we give in to people,
we may say "yes" when we really mean to say "no",
Someone is just really pushy,
so we always just let them have their way.
Start recognizing when this is happening,
because that is where we can start.
Step 2:
is knowing that you have the right to always walk away from someone
if they are speaking to you rudely.
I find may of my clients, even myself, sometimes,
feeling like I have to have certain conversations,
or I forced, to have to sit there, and be berated by someone.
Or, to stay on the phone
while someone is just making me feel like shit.
But, you know what?
We have the right to walk away.
Recognizing that power, gets us one step closer,
to self respect.
Which is really what I am trying to teach you.
It's the core of who we are,
and what we believe we deserve.
And it's from that
that we can teach others how to better treat us.
The third step is knowing that we have the right,
always, to say no, if something is not in our best interest.
If it is way out of our way to take someone to the airport.
If it is really inconvenient for us to "swing by" easily,
and just pick up that thing for someone.
We can say no.
And recognizing that we have that right,
it doesn't make us a jerk,
it doesn't make us selfish,
It doesn't mean that we are so rude and a horribly person.
It means that we recognize
what is convenient and what makes sense for us,
And when things don't make sense,
we have the right and the ability
to say no, at anytime.
The fourth step
is recognizing
that we, have the insight,
and,
we have realized relationships and situations that just
really feel icky and are unhealthy,
and we are able to distance ourselves from those people.
Now, I know for many of you,
you may live at home,
I have had many messages from people saying,
"But what if my parents are toxic?"
and "what if they're the ones that are overstepping boundaries?"
We still have the ability to distance ourselves.
In certain situations, we can make sure
that we are not around them.
Or we are not part of the discussion,
or we are not available
to talk about this certain situation,
that we don't want involved in.
We can still emotionally distance ourselves
in certain situations so we protect our own self respect.
So that we don't get drawn in
these unhealthy relationships,
where people try to invade our privacy,
share our privacy with other people,
may be very rigid and restrictive,
This helps give us the power to say,
"You know what? I am not going to participate right now."
"I'm busy." "I have to go."
"Oh you want to talk?, I'm sorry I already have other plans,
I will be back later."
We have the ability to do that.
The fifth and most important step
on teaching other people to treat us better
is sticking with it.
If you ever get detered,
if you find yourself feeling like, "I'm such a jerk!"
"I know they're going to hate me!"
"I am never going to have any friends, and everything is going to be terrible..."
Think to yourself,
is it more important that other people like me?
or that I like me?
Oftentimes I find that we look outwards so much
for affirmation to build our self esteem,
so that we feel good about how we look, and present to others,
and we forget about our own self respect.
And that's where true compassion,
true love, true life comes from,
is self respect.
Respecting who you are,
recognizing your strengths,
and taking time to notice those, to write those things down.
A lot of what I talk about in my videos
is just us going inside
to figure out what is important to us,
Who we are.
Why do we love ourselves?
And if we don't find anything at the beginning,
we're like, "I don't know what I love?"
That's where you need to start.
It's taking time to recognize
whats so wonderful and great and unique about you.
Because everyone has those things!
Once we begin this process, stick with it!
Because I will tell you this,
You're worth it!
I hope that this video gives you some ideas
and tools to better prepare for this holiday season.
I am wishing each and every one of you
a happy and healthy holidays!
Don't forget to subscribe to my channel.
Just because it's the holidays doesn't mean I am not going to be here.
I put out videos five days a week,
and you don't want to miss them!
If you like this video make sure to give it a thumbs up.
If you haven't checked out: www.katimorton.com
there are some great things going on there.
I have even updated my shop.
I have shirts, tank tops, coffee mugs,
anything that you might be looking for for a little self care
during the holidays.
(video fades, plays clip of previous video)
some self care, if you have time at the end of your day,
take the 10 minutes out of your day to do this.
and I think you will feel a lot better.
And like I said we are always working together right?
not only towards a healthy mind...
(video fades out)
Subtitles by the Amara.org community