- I KNOW A LOT OF YOU ARE HERE
BECAUSE IT'S ON YOUR BUCKET LIST,
SO IF YOU DID THAT, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
THANK YOU.
AND IT'S--
[cheers and applause]
EVERYONE HAS A BUCKET LIST.
I'VE BEEN KEEPING A BUCKET LIST FOR A LONG TIME,
SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.
I'VE ACCOMPLISHED A LOT.
I WAS ON "THE TONIGHT SHOW"
WHEN JOHNNY CARSON HOSTED.
THAT WAS A--
AND I HOSTED THE OSCARS, AND--
[cheers and applause]
SO NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS MARRY DONNY OSMOND,
AND I'M-- CHECK, CHECK, CHECK.
CHECK.
[chuckles]
YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND WHEN YOU'RE 13 SOMETIMES.
YOU THINK YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.
ACTUALLY, THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LEARN IS--
I'VE WANTED TO LEARN SPANISH,
AND I'VE BEEN, FOR A LONG, LONG TIME,
THINKING I SHOULD.
47 MILLION PEOPLE SPEAK SPANISH IN THE UNITED STATES.
46 MILLION OF THEM LIVE HERE IN LOS ANGELES.
[laughter]
NOTHING IS WORKING.
I'VE TRIED TO LEARN, AND--
I'VE TAKEN THE CLASSES.
I TRAVELED TO MEXICO.
I TRIED THE POPULAR PROGRAMS--
THE ROSETTA STONE, THE PIMSLEUR,
THE JOSE CUERVO.
[laughter]
THE THING--JOSE CUERVO, YOU LEARN A LITTLE SPANISH,
BUT THEN WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING,
YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT.
THAT'S THE PROBLEM WITH IT.
[cheers and applause]
WHO ARE YOU?
HAVE YOU TRIED THE ROSETTA STONE?
ANYBODY? - YEP.
- YEAH, THE PROBLEM--
HERE'S THE PROBLEM WITH THE ROSETTA STONE.
YOU HAVE TO PUT "HOURS" OF WORK INTO IT,
AND I'M LIKE, "UH-UH, I DON'T HAVE TIME."
IF THERE'S FIVE-MINUTE ABS,
WHY CAN'T THERE BE SIX-MINUTE SPANISH?
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
YOU KNOW, THE PEOPLE THAT ARE STARTING TO LEARN SPANISH,
THEY ALL LEARN THE SAME PHRASE:
"YO NO HABLO ESPAÑOL,"
WHICH MEANS "I DON'T SPEAK SPANISH."
WHAT'S THE POINT OF LEARNING THAT?
I MEAN, YOU COULD JUST GO, "AH-UH-MM"...
[mouthing words]
OR "SCOOBY-DOOBY-DOO,"
AND, YOU KNOW,
PEOPLE WILL FIGURE IT OUT.
THEY SAY THAT THE BEST WAY TO LEARN SPANISH
IS TO FIND A NATIVE SPEAKER AND PRACTICE WITH THEM.
SO LUCKILY, SOFIA VERGARA IS HERE TODAY.
[cheers and applause]
SO MAYBE SHE CAN TEACH ME A LITTLE SPANISH,
AND IN EXCHANGE, I'LL TEACH HER SOME ENGLISH,
WHICH IS GREAT.
[laughter]
IN THE MEANTIME, I DECIDED TO HIRE
ONE OF THE STARS OF MY FAVORITE TELENOVELA
ON TELEMUNDO TO TEACH ME SPANISH.
PLEASE WELCOME EUGENIO.
EUGENIO.
[cheers and applause]
HI.
HOW ARE YOU?
- HOLA, ELLEN.
[cheers and applause]
- NOW, THAT-- LOOK HOW GOOD--
YOU SAID, "HOLA, ELLEN,"
AND I KNOW THAT MEANS "HI, ELLEN."
- OF COURSE. MUY BIEN.
- YEAH, OH, AND THAT MEANS
"ELLEN IS VERY BEAUTIFUL."
GRACIAS.
GRACIAS. - DE NADA.
- REMIND ME HOW TO SAY YOUR NAME EXACTLY--THE WHOLE NAME.
- AYU-HEN-YO.
- AYO-GHEN-YO. AY-GHO.
- AYU-HEN-YO. - AY-GHO-HEY.
- YO. - AY-U-YO.
- [laughs] - AYO--AY--
- AYU-HEN-YO.
- AYU-HEN-YO. - THAT'S IT.
OKAY, YEAH. EH-U-HEN-YO.
AND YOU'RE THE STAR-- ONE OF THE STARS OF--
THE SHOW IS CALLED...
- "REINA DE CORAZONES," WHICH MEANS "QUEEN OF HEARTS."
- QUEEN OF HEARTS. I KNOW THAT PART.
BUT THE-- SAY IT AGAIN?
- REINA... - REINA...
- DE... - DE...
- CORAZONES. - CORZONES.
- "REINA DE CORAZONES." - [mumbling]
WE'LL SAY IT TOGETHER.
both: "REINA DE CORAZONES."
- YEAH. - YEAH.
[cheers and applause]
THAT WAS A GOOD ONE.
- THANK YOU.
WELL, I'VE MASTERED THAT SO FAR.
SO WHAT ELSE CAN YOU TEACH ME?
- UM, I'LL TEACH YOU WHAT TO SAY
WHEN YOU GO OUT FOR DRINKS?
- AH, PERFECTO. OKAY.
- YOU CAN SAY-- WITH YOUR TEQUILA--
- UH-HUH.
- ARRIBA, ABAJO, AL CENTRO, Y PA' DENTRO.
[laughter] YES?
- NO, THAT MEANS THERE'S A FAST BANJO
IN THE CENTER OF MY PASTA.
I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
WHAT IS IT? - ARRIBA.
- ARRIBA. - ABAJO.
- AH-- WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
[laughter]
- ARRIBA. - UH-HUH.
- ABAJO. - UH-HUH.
- AL CENTRO. - UH-HUH.
- Y PA' DENTRO. - ALL RIGHT.
[laughter and applause]
- I LOVE YOU.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M GONNA TRUST YOU ON THAT.
I'M GONNA GO HOME AND LOOK THAT UP.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO.
- OKAY. [laughs]
- ONE MORE THING I NEED YOU TO TEACH ME IS,
HOW DO YOU SAY, "IT'S TIME TO DANCE"?
- ES LA HORA DE BAILAR!
- BAILAR!