[music playing]
I have so many amazing memories from the last 15 years,
that if I showed you all of them,
we would be here for another 15.
So, I can't show you all.
But here are some of my all-time favorites.
["Confident" by Demi Lovato plays]
Am I getting milked, what's happening?
September 8th, this is our very, very first show,
and you are my very first audience.
That's my first applause break, and my first laugh and--
This is a habanero, very hot.
Come on.
You have an overflow.
Yeah, we don't turn people away here,
so if there are people who get here,
I didn't want them to have to go home, so they're in there.
Why don't you just put up a super that
says "Riff Raff" over that?
Awesome! What a shot!
I would like to thank--
Thank you.
Stop it.
Is this the first time you've been on TV before?
No, honey.
I've been on TV before.
I was on a-- listen, I'll be honest with you.
I love Jesus, but I drink a little.
Every single time I come on this show,
it's really weird, really weird, all because of Ellen.
I've been on this show eight times now,
and I still remember Ellen hiding
in the bathroom with a hidden camera
and she scared me so bad, I fell and I could've died.
Every single time I come on this show,
it's really weird, really weird, all because of Ellen.
Oh, I just ate so much chocolate, I'm full.
I just smoked so much weed--
[Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" by Cage The Elephant plays]
Look at that!
I'm wearing your glasses you sent me.
- Don't you just love them? - I love 'em.
Am I still intact?
Yep.
I didn't change into a prince?
No, not yet, no.
I don't think I'm the one to do that for you.
George Clooney's office is next to our stage.
We need George Clooney.
Get a bunch of Chippendales.
Make one a blonde.
That's a good stretch.
Yep.
This is a traffic report, but you're going
to read it is a woman in labor.
Let's take a look at your Tuesday drive.
Got a jackknife, big rig in a two lane.
101 westbound at Balboaaaah!
- Oh, wait-- - Bernie Sanders!
No.
No, that didn't look like Bernie Sanders to me.
You know what, Sasha needed some earphones,
I'm going to get some for her.
How much are these?
I'm just-- What do you think, you think--
can you chill out on the itching and help me with this, here?
- Don't scratch him. - Hey!
Stop scratching him.
Stop it.
Next to him is his new wife, Crystal.
Between the new wife, and your aunt Melissa, who is--
What's your favorite swear word?
[bleep]
If they made a movie about your life, what would it be called?
Oh, [bleep]
Watch what happens when you hit this button.
- Melons. - Melons.
Here. Hold one.
And hold the other one.
Hold on, let me get a picture.
Hold on!
Wait, am I seeing wheat grass there?
Am I seeing wheat grass anywhere?
Take out some scissors from your purse,
and just start chopping some.
Can I chop some off?
Thank you.
All right, put it in your mouth and chew on it.
This is so good.
It's really good, actually.
For only the fourth time, in the 90 year history
of Warner Brothers, Stage One, forever more
will be now known as, The Ellen Stage.
I said I wasn't going to cry.
You're my happy place.
- Thank you. - This is my happy place.
It's so good.
You've made everybody so happy for fifteen years.
Oh wow.
And I say this with just the deepest love for you.
You make everybody feel better.
You... make everybody feel better.
Turn off the news, turn on Ellen, you will feel better.
For 15 years, I have tried to spread kindness any way I can.
Sometimes, it means I give giant checks out to people in need,
and sometimes, it means I have shirtless hunks on.
Would I call myself a hero?
No.
But should you?
Yes.
[music playing]