hey guys I hope you're all I was gonna
say doing well I don't know if that's
possible given the circumstances but I
hope you're hanging in there and I hope
you're staying safe and staying home and
I wish I had like useful advice or
meaningful things to say but it seems
like no matter what anybody says in this
situation like it's not really helpful
because none of us know what's going on
anyways I wanted to make this video
because I just want to give you guys a
quick update that I'm no longer going to
be posting on a strictly weekly basis
anymore most of you are probably like
cool you didn't need to make a whole
video about that you could have just
done that and nobody would have cared
but I know some of you guys have been
along on my channel journey for quite
some time and you know I've been posting
videos every single Thursday for like
three years now I've taken a lot of
pride in uploading every single week for
so many years because I have always just
wanted to prove that I'm not lazy and
then I take this seriously and that this
is a job and I wanted to be consistent
and be professional but what I haven't
accounted for is that over the past
three years my videos have gone from
like a three minute outfit video that I
shot on a little vlog camera in between
classes and then edited in three hours
to like a 40 minute room makeover or a
20 minute video that I spent a day
planning and several day shooting and
then another four days ending
essentially the effort that I put into a
video has increased like tenfold and
I've tried to maintain putting out the
same frequency of video one every single
week and the math doesn't really add up
anymore so I hope that you guys believe
me when I say that I'm gonna be working
just as hard and I have been working
just as hard anything I have been
sleeping less and letting work consume
even more of my life that I ever have
before and I would like to rebalance
that out a little bit and give myself
the time that I need to make videos that
I'm proud of a lot of youtubers at this
point end up hiring an editor or a
camera crew or both or like multiple
editors to try to help them with the
workload because a lot of people don't
know but editing a video really really
does take an insane amount of hours but
quite frankly I don't want to do that I
love being able to make videos that are
really and truly my own and I love being
the person who likes
my tripod and the person who adjusts the
lighting and the person on the camera
and the person editing every single
second of the video I enjoy that
creative process that's what I went to
school for and I don't want to export
that to somebody else to make my own
life easier so that I could upload more
videos but the videos feel less like
nice then it's a whole [ __ ] point I
don't know I want to make videos the way
I want to make them and I think the best
way to stick by that for now is to have
a little bit more flexibility built into
my upload schedule something that's been
really frustrating recently has been you
know working on a video all week and
then it comes to like Thursday at 5 p.m.
and I still don't have my video quite
ready I want to continue making edits I
want to continue improving it but then I
beat myself up for not having it done in
time when in reality I'm doing a better
job by spending more time on the video
and making something that I'm really
proud of so yeah I'm just kind of tired
of of beating myself up over that and I
would rather be able to put out videos
when I think that they already and that
I really like them I don't know good
work takes a lot of time it's hard to
stick by that in the internet when
everybody just tries to put out things
as soon as possible or look as busy as
possible even I feel that like I feel
guilty when I'm not visibly busy but
often times the times that I'm working
the hardest are the times that you guys
don't even see anything where I just
disappear for like three days to edit
because I'm genuinely working or I'm
writing or I'm testing out a new camera
and I want time for that that being said
I'm not like disappearing off the face
of the earth here and there I just want
an extra week such as this week when
I've been editing my New York Fashion
Week video and I'm trying to edit it in
this really interesting like documentary
slash of long style I have a bunch of
interviews with like editors and models
and I want to create a really I just
want to make a good video and good
things take time so just hear their I
want that extra time to edit a video or
to plan a really long term project or to
get creative and to have room to you
know experiment and push myself because
like that that is what I thrive on I
promise you guys I could continue making
the
same boring ass fashion video every
single week for eternity and hitting my
weekly deadlines but my brain was
literally the shrivel inside me and I
would just like hate my life because I
wouldn't be challenging myself and I
wouldn't be making anything new and
exciting so another factor admittedly
has been that recently my mental health
has been a little bit more rocky and
it's not something that I like to talk
about in great detail maybe because I
don't want to monetize my own mental
health struggles maybe because I have a
lot of internalized stigma maybe it's
mabeline I don't know but yeah since I
graduated there have been not an
uncommon amount of weeks where I'm like
crying in bed and then I like pick
myself up and put on my makeup and like
my happy face for my videos and for my
own sake I don't think I want to do that
as much because I would like to you know
maybe take that time to like see a
therapist or get actual help rather than
trying to like fix my brain by just
working more and more and distracting
myself so yeah that's kind of the whole
the whole update I apologize if this
comes at a terrible time because I know
that more than ever people are looking
to the internet for a way to pass the
time in a sense of normalcy and just to
have like fun upbeat stuff to watch and
I apologize that this wasn't that and
also I feel stupid for making this video
because there are people so many people
who literally don't have jobs right now
and it can't pay their rent and Here I
am being like I'm gonna post a little
bit less frequently like I don't know I
know that doesn't detract from that but
I still feel like a dumbass
you know I'm well aware my problems are
about the smallest problems that anybody
has in the world right now but I have
been wanting to make this update for
about like six months now and I thought
that today I finally had the balls to do
it I know this isn't like that big of a
deal but for some reason to me it still
feels like a really big deal and I still
feel like for some reason people are
gonna think that I'm incredibly lazy and
be like uh your own awful human being
Ashley because you're not posting quite
as frequently anymore um yeah that's
what goes on in my head
anyways thank you guys for watching
thank you for sticking around I'll see
you guys soon hi