hey this is Jackie angel with ascension
presents and today we're gonna talk
about the question one of the questions
I guess the most is how far is too far
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to start out that's the wrong question
because we should never be asking you
know how far can I go with this person
until I commit mortal sin right how far
can I go with somebody else's wife or
future priest or future nun you know
that's not the question it's not about
how far we can go how much pleasure we
can get from them how much we can use
them the question we should be asking is
how can I help give this person to
heaven right if we're really on this
path of holiness we want to be Saints we
should ask every single relationship we
have we should ask the question how can
I give us person to heaven whether
that's our friends our parents our
siblings or our romantic relationships
how can I get this person to heaven not
how much can I use this person for my
own pleasure until it's like a mortal
sin right so that's the first thing
that's that's the wrong question we
every person we see we should treat as
our brother or sister like our brother
and sister in Christ we have to start
looking at people differently instead of
looking at them as objects to use for my
own physical or emotional pleasure I had
to learn how to look at people as people
to be loved persons to be loved so um
two stories for you real quick one time
I was in Australia and there was a
beautifully handsome man frolicking
along the waves at the beach and in that
moment I could have chosen to lust after
that man in my heart you know just start
going down this fantasy Lane of oh my
gosh we're gonna get married to have
five babies you know and in that moment
I just had to look at him as a human
person and say God thank you for this
man he is beautiful and thank you for
creating him very good-looking the end
amen so I had to learn how to look at
you know I've had to learn how to look
at men differently right instead of
using them look at them as my brothers
like thank you God for this man thank
you another friend of mine he we were
walking the mall one day
and there was this huge Victoria's
Secret poster and both of us turned our
heads I turn my head because as a woman
I'm tempted to compare myself right to
these airbrush models and my other
friend turned his head he was like that
is somebody's sister that is somebody's
daughter her name is Dolores and I'm
like what are you doing and he was like
well a priest told me that if I'm ever
tempted to lust to give a person a name
to give him a name and I'm like really
Dolores that's my grandma's name but but
I was like how beautiful that there are
guys like this in the world who instead
of automatically treating that person as
an object to be used as to look as a
woman and be like that's somebody's
daughter that's somebody's sister I'm
not I don't want to use her in my heart
I want to love her and so I love it when
it comes to how far is too far we're
asking the wrong question we we need to
change our whole mindset to learn how to
love people and not use people if you
want some actual guidelines because some
of you have personalities or like I need
rules though I need rules well I'll give
you some suggestions okay I'll give you
some guidelines and you know some things
that are true so first of all if you
want to know how far can you go with
your boyfriend or girlfriend right if
you can do it in broad daylight in front
of your grandma or Pope Francis you're
good to go
but if you have to hide or go in the
dark to do it a way out of public
there's a reason that we are hiding that
we're going in the dark it's because we
know that it's not right we know that
there's we're ashamed because we know we
need to go in the dark and hide our
actions because we're not loving this
person we're using them that's one
analogy if you can do it in broad
daylight in front of your grandmother
Pope Francis you're good to go
another one is a priest told said this
and this is so good
how do you distinguish what is using
somebody in what is loving somebody here
is a perfect distinction there there's a
difference between affection and arousal
so signs of affection are great
beautiful good holding someone's hand a
kiss a hug signs of affection you can do
those in broad daylight in front air
grandma okay not be ashamed but anything
that leads to that causes arousal that
is reserved for marriage because as
Catholics we believe we don't think sex
is bad we think it's so good so
beautiful so sacred that it belongs
between a husband and wife and so
anything that leads to arousal to the
act of consummation to sex to becoming
one body one flesh of st. Paul says
in first corinthians chapter 6
so anything that causes that arousal
that's starting that train that's
reserved for marriage and i know a lot
of you're like what the heck that's nuts
yeah because our culture says it's okay
to have sex on the first date our
culture thinks sex is no big deal
it's it's so interesting like what our
culture goes crazy and it's all about
hooking up having sex and then we're
miserable we wonder why it's like
because you're not made to have sex with
everybody you come across it's meant for
you meant to be bonded to one person
till death do you part
and when we start bonding ourselves
emotionally physically spiritually
intellectually with people and then we
break up it's extremely heartbreaking
but that's an aside so anyways so the
difference between affection and arousal
and now when you are dating somebody you
absolutely should share hey listen we
can't do this cuz this will set the
train on right like this will start the
engine because men and women are created
differently and so I have a friend who
shared then when he was dating his now
wife
they were sitting watching a movie and
you know he put his arm around her
shoulder and she's like oh this is so
nice and you know they're thinking this
is great and then all of a sudden she
put her hands like on his thigh like up
his thigh and he's like she's probably
thinking oh this is so nice so great and
in his mind he's like yeah alright right
you know the arousal train started and
for him you know he had to communicate
like listen there are certain things the
way you touch me the way that this is
you know starting their arousal that the
train is starting the engine so it's
good to communicate that with the person
you're dating so when it comes to like
kissing even passionate kissing can can
start that train - I don't know who it
doesn't start that train for but again
you guys are probably thinking this is
crazy like you're saying we can't even
like make out I mean here's deal again
that's not the question is how far can I
go it's how can I guard and protect this
person this barred body heart mind and
soul when you meet their future spouse
on their wedding day instead of saying
hey this is how far I went with your
wife how far I with your husband you can
say hey listen this person while we were
dating I guard and protected them for
you I helped them grow in holiness for
you for their vocation not hey I wanted
to see how far it could go with them and
leave
them to send no that's not the question
the difference between arousal and
affection so the question is ask your
you ask yourself am I doing this to
arouse them and of a lot of times you
guys are hearts oh man we have such
great capacity for goodness and holiness
and we have such great capacity for evil
and for sin and I know in my own heart
man the way I have manipulated the way I
have drawn other men to myself the way I
have used other men emotionally or
physically man I have had to look at
myself that ugliness of my heart and ask
God to help purify I've asked for
forgiveness God help to purify these
evil desires of my heart to use someone
as an object and to manipulate them just
so I could use them well so I ask
yourself you know what are my intentions
and then I heard this is funny I heard a
dad say that any future you know young
guy who would come asking his daughter
on a date he would warn that maybe I
like listen buddy anything you do to my
daughter I'm gonna do to you being like
okay so that means there's a lot of
things you cannot do with my daughter
but I it's funny and you're like dig but
but really it's true like we shouldn't
do anything to somebody else's daughter
or future wife or a future husband that
we just again to show signs of affection
I can show signs of affection with my
family and my my daughters and you know
that are healthy and so when we're
dating somebody else's future spouse or
even if they're your own spouse you are
not married to you're married you do not
date when I was 18 Bobby I thought to
myself okay I have to treat him again
that just in case in the in the small
chance like what if he died before we
got married and I was actually called to
marry somebody else I still have to
treat Bobby even though I'm so in love
with this guy I want to give all myself
to him I still have to treat him like
there's a chance until we were actually
married I still have to treat him like
he's not mine yet and still have to love
him in just in case
so again when it comes to how far is too
far the question should be how can I
help get this person to heaven and how
can I be as Holy as I can be how can I
be a saint so that takes prayer look
into the desires of your heart and just
ask God pray say God man untwist these
these
fish desires in my heart help to untwist
some help help me to really love and not
to use so I hope that helps you and I
pray that God gives you the the fruits
of the spirit that God gives you the
fruit of the Spirit of chasity
self-control modesty patience kindness
love so Holy Spirit come give us those
those fruits help us to bear those
fruits so that we might be light to the
world of God's radiant love from
ascension presents god bless and
Godspeed