- This girl called me creepy the other day, you know.
And I was up all night, I couldn't even sleep off that shit.
I just, I wake up in a cold sweat.
"I ain't creepy, what the fuck you call for?"
(laughter)
It just was bothering me, man.
Then I realized I'm not creepy, man.
I'm just getting older and my reflexes
aren't what they used to be.
I used to look at a girl,
before she look at me I turn away real fast.
(laughter)
Now I just keep looking at her.
(laughter)
I keep looking, I don't give a shit.
(laughter)
Everybody worried about a coronas, coronasvirus.
Man, coronavirus, whatever the fuck it's called.
(laughter)
I'm not worried about that.
I'm just worried about Cinnamon.
(laughter)
That's my favorite stripper.
(laughter)
Nobody's worried about the strippers, man.
I don't fucking...
Cinnamon is the shit!
(laughter)
You don't like me, do you?
I see it.
(laughter)
I don't give a shit.
You know, I was trying to, like,
I was like, thinking, man.
'Cause I was looking at Trump as he talks and all that
and he just bugs me.
But that I had to start thinking,
well what do I like about Trump?
What is it that I like about Trump?
And I found that shit.
I like the fact that he lets his friends out of prison.
I love that shit.
(laughter)
I just love it!
'Cause if I was the president,
I just, first thing I would do
is let all my boys out of jail!
(laughter)
Like, "Jo Jo, hey hey!
"You free!
(laughter)
"I mean, who's around you?
"Tell 'em they free, too."
(laughter)
'Cause Trump, you gotta admit it though,
he's just taken the presidency to the whole new level.
He's doing every fucking thing.
That he ain't supposed to do either.
He's just, "Fuck it.
"Let's see if I can prob this country real fast."
And he just does it.
Like, Trump is test driving the country
like it's a rent-a-car.
(laughter)
We all are passengers watching,
"What, don't do that, don't do that!"
(laughter)
"I'm gonna make this minivan do a wheelie."
Oh fuck!
I watch nothing man, but like lot of
crime TV, I love it.
I love crime TV.
You know what I mean?
I go to sleep to murder and I wake up to murder.
(laughter)
I love murder.
(laughter)
And I always looked at right?
I always looked the wife who never knew
that her husband was a serial killer.
I don't know why I'm looking at you, but I'm saying...
(laughter)
That always bugged the shit outta me.
The wife never knew, "I don't know, I didn't see it."
Get the fuck outta here.
He's coming in at four in the morning.
That's serial killer hours.
You gotta know what's going on, dammit.
(laughter)
If I had a woman that was a serial killer,
I would know immediately and I would address that shit.
"What the fuck you doing coming at 4:35 a.m.?
"Where the hell have you been at?
"Have you been murdering?
(laughter)
"And what's that mud and gravel on your bra?"
(laughter)
And by watching all this murder TV I learned a lot.
And especially for all the young girls, 25 and under.
Yeah, I see you, "Yeah."
Let me tell you something god dammit.
All you little young girls in your 20s.
When you go to the mall, all right,
and somebody try to kidnap you, don't let 'em do it.
No matter what you do, don't let it happen.
They talk about, "Get in the car!"
And you like, "Okay."
Don't get in the damn car, you understand that shit?
Don't let 'em take you
where they wanna take you to kill you.
Let 'em kill you right there in the mall, god dammit.
(laughter)
Right in front of Forever 21, that's where you die.
(laughter)
(pulsing synth music)