[keyboard strokes]
Anything yet?
So far, nada. You?
Grace Ho's social media presence is so puritan.
Every photo is of her holding a miniature rug.
[laughs] Ugh, she's so squeaky clean.
Is that good? Bad?
It's ideal.
It's like opening a fresh can of Play-Doh.
[snickers]
Oh, got something.
[Chadwick on video]
That's Y.
[Chadwick on video]
[Jayne on video]
[Chadwick on video]
Chadwick, you sick pup!
[Chadwick]
-
I can't watch this, okay?
But there are hundreds of files here.
Chadwick must have up-skirted half the school.
You know, we have to get these files off of his laptop
before your mom finds them.
What difference does it make if she sees them?
This guy is despicable.
Yeah, well, karma already got this scumbag.
His wife and his kids don't need the embarrassment.
[groans]
We, however, need these files.
You mean, we need to delete them, right?
These are all kinds of wrong.
I know they are, but do you realize what we have here?
[Jayne]
- Uh-huh. - And we haven't heard...
We have confidential information
on half of the school.
Transfer the files to The Crotch drive.
Okay.
[♪]
♪ In a manner of speaking ♪
♪ I don't think we'll be speaking ♪
♪ At all ♪
Something in here is different.
Moved your father's boxes out
into the garage this morning.
He can pick them up whenever I'm not around.
How was Chadwick's vigil?
Faux.
Hmm. Happens sometimes. You okay?
Yeah, there's just, um, a lot going on.
How about some gin?
Might help.
Nah, you got a winnable game going.
Sit down. I'll deal.
[chuckles]
So, have you seen Stacey's new nose?
Looks fantastic!
Where do you run into her?
Facebook.
We play Scrabulous sometimes.
Hmm.
She's very good.
You know what? Um...
I'm tired. I think I'm just gonna head up.
Night, Mom.
[phone pings]
[♪]
What's with the overnight bag? And where's Hurley?
She's having a moment. And I'm not into Ilo anymore.
We need to change direction.
Is this because of your thing with Stacey?
- 'Cause that's not-- - No.
It's because I don't trust Ilo.
I can't take him at his word.
Look, I'll back whoever you want,
but voting for Hope now would be kind of a wasted vote.
We're not backing her, either.
Who are we backing?
What do you guys know about Grace Ho?
- Who? - Grace Ho.
That her name is an oxymoron?
That she looks like a lollipop?
Oh my God! She has a Tumblr page about latch-hooking.
Who is this chick?
She's our third-party candidate.
You've got to be kidding me!
The student council makes some decisions
that we may want a say in.
We need to have the president in our pocket.
The election is tomorrow.
What do you need us to do?
First thing, find the Ho.
[school bell rings]
[♪]
Have you seen this girl? Her name is Grace Ho.
-I haven't. Sorry. -Thank you.
Do you guys know who this girl is?
No. Okay, umm...
Have either of you ladies seen this girl, Grace Ho?
Grace Ho!
No. Okay. [sighs]
Do you know-- Okay!
Hey, guys. Guys! Do you know who Grace Ho is?
- No. - Nobody?
Of course not. Do you know this Ho?
Does a--does anyone know this Ho?
Anyone. Please!
Hi. Do you know her?
Please say yes.
No.
[♪]
- Grace Ho?
You know my name?
- [texting] - How would you feel
about being president of the school?
- Is that an option? - It is now.
You have fabulous skin.
Thank you?
Do you know who I am?
Hmm, it's actually not that flat.
We can work with this.
- Hmm. - Good cookies.
Thank you. I used extra butter.
- Focus here, Grace Ho. - Sorry.
Where do you want to go to college?
Any of the Ivies.
And how do you think
student body president would look on your app?
It...would be ideal. [laughs]
Excellent.
Well, then I have one more question for you, candidate Ho.
It concerns Mr. Chadwick's former office.
[♪]
- [meow]
Uh, I don't get it. Why don't you just run?
You'd win.
[laughter]
She has way too much on her plate.
Jacket.
Oh. Look, it's reversible.
- Way worse. Thank you. - Hands up.
Oh.
- Ohh! - Uh, what is this thing?
- It's a sports bra. - I know. Why are you wearing it?
I'm on the field hockey team.
Yes, after school.
During the day, these are assets.
- Well, I'm not really... - Just turn around.
- Okay. - Look, I know
the whole tits thing undermines everything girl power and feminist,
but biologically, boys are simple animals,
and this bra alone
will secure you 100-plus simple animal votes.
Remember, the key is getting power first.
Then when you're on top, you can make change happen.
Everything's better on top.
You're doing great.
Oh, oh? What about my speech?
I'll take care of that later.
What I need from you now is to hang out with us.
Uh, I can do that.
Okay then. Here's the plan.
[meow]
[♪]
No!
[♪]
Unh-unh.
[All] Ah!
[♪]
You will walk with us, not behind us.
And concentrate on your posture, your back always slightly arched.
It's going to feel like you're jutting out your chest, because you are.
- Simple animal votes. - Exactly.
You are never to walk these halls alone. Can you do that?
I guess.
You don't guess anymore, Grace Ho.
You know. You always know.
After each of your classes, one of us will be waiting for you.
- What do you have next? - Uh, Latin.
And where does Latin take place, other than nowhere?
C Hall, 202.
I'm in 211. I got her.
Blast the Ho.
All Ho, all day.
- Keep breathing. You're doing great. - Breathe.
You are to always laugh at our jokes, even if you don't get them.
Never let the people know that you're not in on the joke.
It is they who are not in on the joke.
[laughter]
Oh, did you guys see? I actually made The Crotch today!
All right. Don't get a she-boner over it.
Act like you've been there before.
- I assume my deal with Farrah is off? - [snickers]
Never even heard of Grace Ho.
- Where'd they find her?
I think they made her in a lab.
This is bad for me.
I'm gonna try and make a deal with the band.
- I may need the votes. - What are you gonna offer them?
Same thing Hope offered them, Chadwick's office.
- Okay. - [bell rings]
[♪]
[humming]
[sighs]
What are you doing?
Oh, I thought I'd do a cookie giveaway during lunch,
like Ilo did with the water.
Are your cookies made with weed?
Uh, what?
Ilo's water was half vodka. It was a stunt.
Oh. That's a good idea.
Well, people still like cookies, right?
Sure. Keep making them if you want.
Oh, you know, I had some time in study hall,
so I worked out a few talking points for my speech.
Here.
[♪]
You made me do it, Hope.
I offered you a deal.
Did you have something to do with that--
I don't suppose there's any chance
that you know how to play bridge, is there?
I play with my nana.
Also mahjongg.
[sighs] You're perfect! Come on.
Your jacket.
Of course you're going back for a cookie.
You still have your apron on.
[bell rings]
Shouldn't we be in class?
We're fine.
Huh. Another trick for the Ho.
No, that did not sound right.
[giggles] You're like a bridge savant.
I love strategy games. You guys ever play Dominion?
It's this game where you have to amass assets
until you build the most powerful kingdom
before your opponents do.
Never heard of it.
In what order do you give your speech?
Um, my choice. I won the coin toss.
Fantastic. You're the closer.
It's the power position.
[Grace] Bridge is cool, too.
I always see you guys over here playing every day.
I just never thought
I'd actually ever be here playing with you. [laughs]
Y-You're taking out my bio and credentials?
Don't you think everybody should know
all the stuff I've been involved in here?
Like what? Your baking proficiency?
No. It's better that you're a mystery to them.
Think of yourself as the new kid in school.
I've been here for ten years.
But today's the first day you're relevant.
No offense.
Dominating win for Hurley-Ho.
All right, 30, 70, 100, 130... 340.
Can I make a gameplay suggestion?
Don't come out too strong.
Say you have a queen and an ace of spades--
I am shortening this snooze-fest
in the middle by half.
Actually, by a whole. It's gone.
That pretty much leaves me saying hello and then goodbye.
I lost the goodbye, too. We need a stronger closer.
Going last means you control the walk-away.
When they exit the auditorium,
Grace Ho needs to be the only name
that they remember.
How do I accomplish that?
We need a hook.
I'll go find him.
I don't want to sound skeptical,
but don't you think I should say something of substance?
I mean, you're the one who said that Ilo's already cut deals
with half the factions in school.
Okay. Look, these circles represent
the voting blocs in the school.
Now the vote is tomorrow,
and Ilo already has most of the blocs,
but that doesn't mean that we're done yet.
What do we do?
We fracture the groups
and regroup them into one larger voting bloc.
Women.
Fifty-four percent of the school is female--
girls who are dying to be seen and heard.
By tomorrow, you'll have a speech
that speaks directly to them.
I'll get it to you in the morning
so you can practice with it.
And until then, the Janes and Hurley
will stay by your side all through dinner.
Be seen. As much as possible.
Got it?
This is an awful speech.
- My mom edited it. - No. No, no, no.
- [Man on video]
Are you aware that Debjit Cheema got a 1530 on the SATs?
What? But he's a moron!
Yeah.
How's the speech coming?
Actually, I think I'm done.
Nice!
Um...
do you wanna maybe hang out a little?
- Why? - I don't know,
but you
that I was the one behind The Crotch curtain.
Or you could tell me
who you inherited The Crotch curtain from.
How about just hanging out
because it's better than going back to your house right now?
Hmm?
Okay.
Um, do you wanna listen to some music?
Sure.
[rock music playing on phone]
Who is this?
Just hold still for once, okay? Listen.
This band could literally change your life.
[music playing]
Wait. Wait.
So, is it over, officially?
Is what over officially?
Your dad. Is he
I'm not posting a story about it.
I wouldn't do that to you.
Yeah, because I could out you.
No, because I wouldn't do that to you.
And I actually care what you think of me.
What is that supposed to mean?
Well, I've seen your shave, and yet, at school,
you treat me like I'm invisible, just like everybody else.
Yeah, which is me protecting us.
Is it?
My dad's stuff is in boxes. In the garage.
Which it turns out is easier
than seeing it piled up in the dining room.
What do you mean?
I mean, it's easier not to see all of that
when I'm sitting at the table
where we used to have family dinners.
Sorry. I should've gotten that.
I'm just so angry at him.
I mean, not because of what he did to my family.
I mean, that's obvious.
I'm just angry because while he's out there
doing whatever with whoever,
I'm stuck being my mom's only source of entertainment.
I mean, other than Stacey Moorehead
and her fabulous Scrabulous skills,
which I cannot even deal with.
Well, I get that.
I have, uh, been my mom's only source of entertainment since,
- you know... - Yeah.
It's exhausting.
[music continues]
This is actually kind of a good song.
Yeah? And in English, too.
What is with you and like, the French music?
Oh, no, no. You've gotten enough out of me today.
Okay.
[♪]
- Less smoky, more trustworthy. - Gotcha.
- How ya feelin'? - Scared.
- You're gonna do great. - Thanks.
You got this, Hook?
As long as she keeps her end up, I'll make it happen.
- Grace? - Yeah, of course. I'm in.
Do you think anyone will really connect with this part?
They
[bell rings]
All right, guys. Election assembly after lunch.
Until then the plan is the same as yesterday.
Y, you've got her homeroom and first period.
I got her second and third.
Hey, you've got this. Okay?
Are you sure?
Just remember to connect with the emotion in this speech.
Got me?
I will catch up with you later.
Hey, Lynn. Are you ready for the uh, big vote today?
It doesn't really matter who's president.
My year doesn't change.
I mean, you don't know that.
The student president controls a five-figure event budget,
- they have a seat-- - It's just a popularity contest
where the winner chooses the theme for prom.
[sighs] I mean, if you feel that way,
then this is your chance to prevent
another Under the Sea debacle.
It was so loud last year, too. Right?
I couldn't tell from the pictures.
Oh.
Well, I can understand how you saw the theme
and chose to sit that one out.
You made the right choice.
You don't have to do that.
We both know nobody asked me.
Like I said, my year doesn't change either way.
No, I-- I didn't--
Vote for Grace.
[whistle blows]
[♪]
In closing, you can vote for any candidate you want,
but really think about what they stand for.
And what you know about 'em.
I mean, come on. Who's Grace Ho, really?
- [laughter] - Look...
in the end, you have to vote for a known quantity,
and that's me.
Vote for Ilo!
[cheers and applause]
[cheers continue]
[booing]
I've had a speech prepared for this moment
- since I was 9 years old... - [Boy] Nobody wants you here!
but now, not so much.
I...wasn't even going to show up here today,
but I realized that I'll never have the opportunity
to apologize to all of you at once.
Here goes.
I am truly sorry if I hurt anyone with what I said.
I want you to know that I understand
that what I said is wrong...
and that I have a problem.
So, I have taken it upon myself
to enroll in sensitivity classes.
[derisive laughter]
And I intend to prove to you all that I was, am,
and will be a worthy candidate.
- [booing] - Thank you.
[shouting] Grace Ho!
[Grace clears throat]
[microphone feeds back]
I'm gonna make this short and sweet
because I know how uncomfortable those chairs are.
What is she doing? Back on point, Ho.
[clears throat]
Candidate Ilo stood here a few moments ago
and said that you all don't know me,
but I think he's wrong.
You do know me.
Look, if you want to vote for some guy
because he has great eyes and abs,
then go ahead.
But don't be surprised if after you fall for him,
he asks you to park in his garage
so that his friends don't see your car parked at his house.
[people murmuring]
At least with me, you know what you're getting...
because...
I'm you...
and you... and you.
I'm a girl who comes in every day
hoping that today's the day that someone notices me.
I'm a girl who wants a cool event
to go to on the weekends
because I want at least one cool story
to tell people when I go to college.
I'm a girl who wants a high school experience
like you see on TV
where I flirt with a cute guy and make out on the swing set.
I'm you.
Even if you didn't recognize me until yesterday.
So, if every one of you drop a check in the Grace Ho box,
then
We.
[shouting] Grace! Ho!
Grace! Ho!
[chanting continues]
[electrical static]
[music plays]
[both] Whoo!
A landslide. You did it.
Yeah we did.
[loudly] Later, Colin!
Bye, Farrah.
[bell rings]
[♪]
[Grace] Farrah!
Farrah, wait up!
Congratulations, El Jefe.
I just wanna say thanks. For everything.
- This is so cool! - Not a problem.
There's still one thing I don't get.
Why me? You didn't even know me.
I like a Cinderella story.
So, can I ask you, what now?
What do you mean?
Tomorrow. What do I do?
Uh, you keep your end of the bargain
and build a private handicap bathroom.
I will. I just meant about us.
Oh. Let's plan a weekly meet.
Sound good?
Bye.
[♪]
[Farrah]
Pretty, smart, and now she has a killer look.
It's really too bad she had to try
and give the Janes bridge pointers.
Why give away an advantage when you don't need to?
When all is said and done,
and she's at Harvard or whatever Ivy,
she'll look back on this and realize
I gave her exactly what she wanted.
[Stacey] I've been there.
What?
That's how it starts with her.
[sighs] Good luck.
[♪]
[Farrah]
that made Grace Ho want to help the Janes in bridge
makes me quite certain that she'll keep up her end
of our little bathroom deal.
- Hey, Farrah. - Hey, Mrs. Davies!
I just talked to Will at college.
He asked if I'd seen you and wanted to know how you're doing.
Tell him that you have, and that I'm doing great.
Hey, Woogie. How's freshman year treating you?
Fine so far. Mostly because you haven't been calling me Woogie at school.
- [laughs] So, who do you have for English class? - Mrs. Koenig.
[Farrah]
some bathroom tile choices.
[♪]
Who shit in your sandwich?
Your little Grace Ho puppet did.
But I don't think pulling her strings
is gonna be as easy as you think.
I'm not a very good liar.
Don't forget how you got here.
[siren wails]
Today, I identify as a woman.
Your move, girlfriend.
[Hope]
I can't think of a single thing Farrah's done for me
that didn't benefit her more.
Since when does her keeping stuff from us
seem weird to you?
She is full-on flirting with Will right now.
Nice style, Grace. Where'd you get it?
What illegalist thing do you need me to do now?
[Farrah] We need to leak this.
[Cowher] My mom could lose her job.
I want to break into her email.
She's your hacker?
The Crotch holds power. Barely tapped into it.
- Don't! - This is a huge story!
The Crotch has no moral compass.
That post violates me in so many ways!
[both exclaim]
You're screwing with a kid's life here.
I don't know what to do!
You know what your problem is?
You actually believe that you should decide
what's best for other people.
♪ Everyone tells you how to live ♪
♪ But they don't know how to do it ♪
I have to burn the whole thing down.
I'm not gonna let you burn it down without me.
Ready for the fallout?
Bring it on.