So I just saw M. Night Shyamalan's new film The Visit, and it was worse than fucking cancer!
Now I wasn't fortunate enough to see an advanced screening like some people were, so with all these positive reviews coming out
I thought "Wow maybe he's finally broken his trend". I went into it blind and I had neither positive nor negative
expectations for it. Even if I had no idea who directed this movie
I would come to this exact same conclusion, that this is the most obnoxious and unbearable movie
I've seen all fucking year, and I've seen Unfriended. Now M. Night's newest film is advertised as a horror comedy,
but the only funny parts were the parts that were
obviously supposed to be scary and the only scary parts were in real life when I realized that a few people in the theater were
actually eating up this garbage. As for the people
I brought, one of them was mad at me for bringing them and the other one said it was worse than
Fantastic Four. Have we really been so conditioned at this point that shitty jump scares now
constitute as horror? There were non jump scare parts that I could tell were supposed to be creepy,
but if you're paying attention to the movie and realizing how fucking
unconvincing the whole thing is as you're watching it then how the fuck are you supposed to feel that at all? Alright
so here's an example: some of you that watched this movie likely found this scene to be creepy.
-Get all the way inside
-Um Becca?
-She's done it before
-[mumbled] We really should film something outside
-Do this first
-I'll be quick
And none of you were questioning why the fuck the little girl would have to bend her legs at all?
[As girl] I'm really scared, and I'm worried that you'll close the door on me
here let me make it really easy for you to close the door on me.
Apparently whoever edited the film's trailer 1 found it to be
just as stupid because they wound up splicing in extra footage and audio to pretend as though
the girl was trying to prevent this at all.
-[screams] Stop! Nana stop! [oven door banging]
-Oh this will just take a second
As for trailer 2 I find it pretty fucking hilarious that nobody noticed it wasn't an official trailer. Seriously somebody
just cut up the footage from trailer 1 and called it trailer 2. Apparently this random youtuber realized that using crossfades can fool almost anybody.
-I wanted to spend time with you for so long
-We're having a great time
I'd kind of like to pride myself on having a pretty decent bullshit detector and for this movie
it was off the fucking charts. People are seriously praising this found footage movie for feeling genuine and convincing.
What convincing picture quality and frame rate from a Skype call on a cruise ship.
What convincing camera quality for the whole fucking film.
How convincing that we can hear select lines of dialogue being whispered from
characters 25 feet away in a forest that aren't mic'ed.
You realize that these things you did to make the movie less convincing cost more money right?
The presentation was shit.
-Earlier in the movie she's telling her brother not to open the fucking door.
-She's saying "Don't open the door, it'll be stupid" and he's saying "I'm gonna open the door"
-She's saying "Don't do it" and then later in the movie she's like "Oh, I'm gonna go down in the basement
-"hold the camera by myself with the light on and then try and hide while the light's still on like a fucking idiot"
-Theres a point in the movie where like she's using the camera to like break open a door handle and the first four hits
-all I can think is "Is that what you were trying to like, like what are you doing right now?
-"Are you, are you using the camera?" Like remember in quarantine?
-Where they use the lens of the camera to like hit the zombie
-and it just looks so bad that the first few seconds you're thinking
-"What the? Is that, is that what you're trying to do?
-Is that as a Director is this what you're trying to accomplish?" And you just have to think about it in wonder for a second?
-There's moments like that in the movie where you're just like
-"What, what are you are you going for right now?" And then it just happens it's fucking stupid.
Now with something like After Earth
that was meant to be mostly serious,
I can enjoy laughing through its mistakes, but when a movie is made to be mostly funny and it fails hard at that
I can't fucking enjoy myself. The so-called jokes in this movie
only made me feel uncomfortable and fucking embarrassed. There are several long and drawn-out scenes of this annoying little kid
rapping as white as he possibly can because apparently that
constitutes as humor. Is there some amazing joke in the lyricism that needs to be explained to me?
[as audience member] "Haha, he doesn't rap very well lets drag this on a little ha ha he doesn't rap very well again
"I forgot when that happened near the beginning of the movie."
There's a line where the little kid says "Hey, you know what I'm gonna do? Instead of swearing
I'm gonna replace the swears with the names of female singers." Then he pretends to stub his toe and says "AH
Shakira," and immediately, I think "Well that was embarrassing
"I wonder when they're gonna make a callback to that?" Then later the kid's running outside and falls down.
The first words out of his mouth are "Shit. God damn it" during the second swear all I think is
"Here it comes," and wouldn't you know it the next thing he says is Shania Twain.
Okay so the first unfunny joke was clearly for the purpose of setting up a callback.
I mean, if it already wasn't excruciatingly
obvious enough from the character saying "I will be saying this." And to make things worse when the callback actually
happens the character doesn't just say it.
No, he gives you a couple extra lines
beforehand just to let you know that there's a joke coming up. Like in case you wouldn't notice when it happened.
[mockingly] "No guys you just don't get it. That's just how comedy works; otherwise how would the audience know when to laugh?"
Alright, so we got baby's first comedy movie mixed with baby's first horror movie starring annoying little children.
Now to give these kids some credit did a pretty good job nailing American accents,
and they did an alright job with the material that they were given and unfortunately the material they were given was shit.
May I again remind people that 'good for a child performance' is not the same as a good performance.
Ironically enough it seems as though the same standard has been set for M. Night at this point,
because to me it seems as though a lot of people now think that 'good for a child' translates to 'good for M Night'. Wasn't that the whole point of this lazy cop-out?
[as M. Night] "How about I just make a movie where the premise is that the entire thing is filmed by children?
"That way when it looks like a piece of shit nobody can call me out on it."
His last few movies not only had budgets, but they had a lot more variables. Meaning that there was a lot more to fuck up
so he removed as many variables as possible and thus technically fucked up less
but despite what some of you may think I don't judge movies based solely on how many fuck-ups they had.
Even for After Earth I could say that it had a decent soundtrack. If we're judging based on shot composition
then After Earth was much better in that sense, but if you decide to lower the bar
so low that your chances of fucking up gets significantly smaller that does not make it a good movie.
I could release a movie about a camera being pointed at a wall for two fucking hours and the only fuck-ups
I could possibly make would be if the camera somehow wasn't pointed at the wall and the film somehow wasn't two hours
Even if I fucked up both those things there would be less wrong with it than any one of M Night's films,
but that does not make it better.
Now I know that some of you are probably wondering if I actually think this film is worse than After Earth and my honest answer right now is
"I don't fucking know and I'm gonna have to see it a second time."
After Earth is a serious film that I can watch as a comedy. The Visit is a comedy that I can barely stomach watching.
If there's one word I could use to describe it, it would be obnoxious.
It is easily without exaggeration the absolute worst experience I have ever had watching an M. Night film.
All of his other movies have been ones that I've more or less loved,
ironically or not, but this is the first M. Night movie that I genuinely fucking hate.
If you wanted to watch this movie expecting it to be so bad that it's good then I would look somewhere else.
Because to me this movie was just so bad that it's fucking BAD.
If there's any debate in my head over the out of 10 rating for this film, it's whether or not it deserves a 2 or a 3.
I understand that a lot of you apparently think that this movie is average and not garbage,
and apparently everybody's forgotten that most movies that people find great I find average,
and that's totally fine, but I sincerely cannot in good conscience pretend as though I feel it deserves anything higher.
After all I rated Unfriended at 2 a while ago, which is another movie that a lot of people think isn't that bad, and this movie was just as bad.
so for now I'm giving this one a 2 out of 10
Anyway, I've got more to say about this movie, but I'm gonna stop this video right now as soon as the blu-rays released
I'll be using it to make a larger YMS review because boy
I just can't wait to exploit the footage in this movie anyway
If you're interested in knowing approximate dates on when certain things will be out just look in the video description for this video
I'm doing a lot of film festival stuff this next month
So just like every year around this time there's going to be a disproportionate amount of quickies
But like I said just check the description for more info anyway, thanks for watching and I'll see you guys at TIFF on Monday
GOODBYE. Oh, wait. I want to see how funny. I am uh-oh, whoa guys. We got a major comedian on our head
Oh, probably got all the dank is me breaking the funny score
He's like only half on a man your relationship with Sam kind of dwindled a little after you shot that squirrel
He became a funny man. I became funnier Rickielee to squirrel