Hi there this is Clay and today I'm going to be answering a question about how to really
deal with boundaries, between you and your ex.
You know, a lot of people going through breakups, especially a lot of people who want to get
back together with their ex.
They have a really hard time maintaining healthy boundaries with that person.
You know, their ex might color the blue and say something like, you know, I really miss
you.
I wish we could hang on.
They'll just like drop everything you're doing right then and there and be like, yes, I'm
coming over to your place right now.
I'm going to be there immediately.
I'm going to bring your favorite movie and Blah, blah, blah.
And, and, you know, that is not very attractive because you're really kind of putting your
own life on the back burner so that you can be there for your action.
You know, that might seem romantic, but it's really not attractive because it's like, oh
wow, this person really have nothing else going on in their life that, you know, they
just wanna like have their life revolve around me.
You know, I think we've talked about this before, but you know, a, a great relationship
should be like the icing on the cake of a great delicious life.
And you know, you want your life to be this, this rich and full cake that is able to stand
independent of the icing on top of it, of the relationship on top of it.
That's what makes an attractive person.
That's what makes a person that someone wants to be in a relationship with.
It's when they're able to stand on their own two feet.
Of course there's obviously more than that, but that is like the ticket that gets you
in the door and you don't want to throw that ticket away by just putting everything on
the back burner so that you can be at this one person's beck and call.
And you know, often times when someone figures out that they've been kind of living on one
extreme, they realize that, you know, oh, well I should go to the other extreme.
They don't realize that there's this whole like spectrum in between.
They just think it's like black or white, you know, either you're the nice guy or you're
the jerk or something like that, but it's really not that black and white.
There's so much more to it.
You know, kind of in the dating world.
A common example is when a guy realizes he's been acting like a nice guy his whole life
and wanting women walk all over him.
He kind of goes to the opposite extreme and becomes, you know, the jerk.
He, he basically is acting like a Dick, you know, he's like,
oh yeah, man, around early woman's going to do them.
Go screw him.
I'm, I'm a man.
Damn it.
And you know, that's not attractive
either.
I mean, it's just kind of being a dick in the opposite direction.
It's still being a Dick, right?
You don't want to do that.
And you know, whether or not you're a man or a woman, this, this kind of duality still
exists as well.
You don't want to necessarily posture up to your ex if they're like getting all wishy
washy about meeting up with you or something and say something like, well, you know what,
man, if you can't decide if you want to meet up with me or not, then you know, fuck you.
I don't to be in a relationship with you ever.
You know, you don't want to do that because that's like really overreacting and it's going
to be just as repelling to them as kind of dropping everything at their beck and call
to be with them.
So you know, what you need to do is not really worry so much about how they're going to see
you.
You don't really want to worry so much about how they're going to see you and you just
want to live your life the way that you really want to live it in your heart.
And you know, if you made plans previously, then you should keep those plans and you can
be like, hey, you know, I'm sorry I made plans tonight, but the, you know, I, I would love
to see you.
Can, are you free next Tuesday?
Something like that would work just fine.
It doesn't come across as you snug.
You're gonna miss your golden operator, one single golden opportunity to see your ex in
person or anything like that.
If they really have feelings for you and if they really like you, then they'll, they'll
be willing to reschedule.
That's totally reasonable.
It's unreasonable to be like, you know what, you have to see me tonight, otherwise I will
never give you another chance to sit and come on.
You don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's like that kind of myopic do
you?
So anyway, what was the big takeaway here is, is, is, don't worry so much about the
continuum.
Both ends of the continuum, the, the kind of collapsing, kind of Nice Guy side of it
where you're at, your ex is beck and call.
And also the posturing kind of tough guy side of it where you're just sort of like puffed
up and pretend to be super bad ass.
Those are all both ways of managing anxiety.
No one is to just kind of like bow down and the other ones to like punch someone in the
face, right?
And neither one of them is terribly effective at living life.
So what you need to do is realize that if collapsing under anxiety doesn't work and
a posturing under anxiety doesn't work, you're just playing a bankrupt game and you don't
want to really try and manage your anxiety at all.
Just decide what you want, go after it and let the cards fall how they do.
So again, I hope this helped you out and I hope this gave you some advice on how you
can have better boundaries with your ex if you'd always go in more about how we can help
you get back together with the person that you love, head on over to relationshipinnergame.com
and sign up there.
Thanks.