Robert: I have found that men that will go out
and do that, it blasts away their fear of rejection forever.
Then you can talk with anybody because you've already gotten over the story.
You've quit telling yourself the story.
So those are the two most powerful ways. I get some other illustrations.
Matt: Welcome to the Attractive Man podcast. I'm your host,
Matt Artisan. What's up, guys?
Today im with Josiah Prise,
one of our top trainers here
at the Attractive Men, as well as author of No More Mr.
Nice Guy, Mr.
Robert Glover.
Who has tons and tons of knowledge.
This guy is a frickin genius.
So make sure to listen to the entire
episode because we're going to talk about how to handle rejection from a woman
and three exercises that you can do to change the way you handle rejection.
Imagine what it would be like if rejection was no longer a factor,
if you felt fearless when it came to talking to beautiful women.
Well, make sure to listen to this entire
episode, because that's what Robert is going to talk about.
Let's dive in.
What are your thoughts on handling rejection?
I've heard you speak of this before in other podcasts.
Nice guys tend to not even talk to girls because they don't want to get rejected.
And maybe it's even beyond nice guys, just people in general.
I mean, nobody likes getting rejected when
it comes to dating or whether it comes to going for anything.
But of course, it's necessary. I mean,
you know to get anything in life.
Robert: You have to take risks.
Matt: You have to go for it.
You're not going to get everything that you go for, but you learn from it.
You try again.
What are your thoughts when it comes to women and dating?
Robert: Yeah, I like the question. When I started dating,
yeah, I'm like everybody else.
I don't want to get rejected.
But when I started dating again,
conscious dating was such a powerful personal growth machine for me.
And one of the things I quickly learned is that basically that rejection does not
exist in the way that we usually think of it.
But to take it to the next step in how we
typically think of it, rejection doesn't hurt. Now,
we think it does. But and so I break this down for men,
because every time I say this to a guy, you know, guys are ready to fight me.
"No, of course, rejection hurts.
It hurts like hell."
And I even early on in my dating programs, wouldn't let the guys use the "R" word.
And that's one reason why I've even
reframed it in all of my teaching and writing.
As to "low interest", I never use the word rejection other than talking about it.
And, you know, in this kind of context of
about rejection, that is low interest.
And here's the deal.
Rejection doesn't hurt.
And I can demonstrate this to people.
And I'll give you a couple of examples
of how I do it. Its what our brain does with somebody perceived low interest
in interacting with us, because that's all it is.
People either have a high interest in interacting with us or they don't.
That's it. That's all.
For whatever reason, they're busy.
They're got something going on.
They don't find us interesting.
You know, they have something else to do, whatever.
And this is men, women, whatever. Doesn't matter.
So what we do with that, if something about that matches
an internalized self belief that I have, that I'm not good enough, I'm unlovable.
People can see that. I better be going back
to what we talked about from the very beginning.
If people find out that I'm not good
enough, that's going to hurt because it does hurt to not feel good enough.
Right? But every belief we have
that we're not good enough that is actually an inaccurately internalized belief
based on life experiences that had nothing to do with us.
But because children and babies are
narcissistic by nature, every painful experience we have,
we believe that's because of us. Where there's something wrong with us.
That's why this painful thing is happening, its not accurate.
But we all do it. Now,
when we get out there and we get in the dating world and we get attached
to outcome, which Buddha says is the cause of all suffering,
I also say it's the cause of all anxiety and the cause of all nonaction.
As you mentioned, if we don't want to get rejected, we don't do anything.
So if I have an anxiety that if I talk to this woman,
there's going to be a negative outcome to it, that's going to drive up my anxiety
and probably make me do nothing or whatever I do, I'll do it.
Really.. I'll bumble my way through it.
I'll do it really awkwardly.
So this anxiety, this fear of getting rejected works against us.
So three examples I use to try to help guys overcome this.
This idea that rejection hurts.
One is I'll get from doing a workshop,
I'll get the guys all to stand up and they all pair up and I give them an assignment
and I say, you guys decide who's partner A, who's partner B.
And I said, time, you guys, and for two minutes,
partner A is going to keep repeating to partner B over and over again.
"I want I want to be happy and I want a new car.
I want a big dick. I want a beautiful girlfriend, I.
I want world peace," Whatever. And partner B, has
to keep saying "no" over and over and over again.
Everything they say they want, they've got to say no.
They do that for two minutes and then I
switch them and then they just trade roles with each other.
Now, after they've each done this for two
minutes and I'm calling time, it's time to stop now.
They're laughing and they're carrying on and they're having a good time.
Now, there's a lot of applications I make of this whole assignment,
but one of them is I'll say, "OK, you guys seem to really enjoy that."
Oh, yeah, that was fun. Oh, yeah.
This part of it. I like."
And I go, you guys just spent two straight minutes getting constantly rejected.
Constantly. You got told no to everything
you wanted for two minutes, thats rejection. And I go,
but you were laughing, you were enjoying, you were having fun.
It didn't hurt you.
Look, everyone still in one piece and then I'll ask them: "What is the difference? You
know, but you're afraid of a woman telling, you know, what's the difference?"
And the only difference is context and internalized belief.
Context is, "Oh, I don't want to get rejected by this woman
because I want a girlfriend and I want to get laid and I want her.
She's pretty." That's the context.
And the self limiting belief is "If she doesn't want me, I'm worthless and every
other woman is going to see me in the same way". The "NO" is not what hurts.
Its the story we make up about the "no" and story is all context.
So there was no story in that little interaction in the group.
So there's no pain.
So it's not the rejection that hurts, it's the story.
So we've got to start learning to watch our stories.
OK, another thing I'll do with guys is
I'll suggest they go out with a buddy and go out in the night and try to get
three five rejections in a night. But don't be rude.
Don't go up and piss a woman off,
but just approach a woman with your phone out and say, "Hey, you know, I'm Robert.
I saw you standing here.
I just I just I got to get your number because I'm going to call you up later
this week and we're going to take you out for coffee."
Just do something that requires a yes or no answer from them in a bold way.
And you do that and your goal is to get
rejected. Your goal is to get five of those in one night.
Get five women to tell you no to your request to get a number.
Now, it's still scary to go do that. In the first time.
There's a lot of anxiety. And so you go do it and and maybe get
a no or maybe you get a nice conversation out of it. And then you're kind of excited.
So you go do it again.
And and what you find after about second, you're doing a happy dance after each
rejection because number one, you faced your fear, you took away this thing.
"I don't want to get rejected."
So there's no anxiety in going to get rejected.
If you succeed, great.
If you don't succeed, even better,
you have a nice conversation or get a phone number.
I've gone out in nights trying to get five
rejections and I couldn't get five women to reject me.
I picked the women I saw were least likely
to give me a phone number and I got their numbers.
Part of the reason for that is if you're
not giving a fuck about being rejected, you're going to be bold.
And boldness and confidence is number one aphrodisiac for women.
And if nothing else, you have some interesting conversations
you never would have had if you were so afraid of getting rejected that you never approached.
Matt: Yeah we do a very similar exercise on our advanced bootcamps
Robert: It's powerful, right?
Matt: Yeah, they give us one hundred bucks in tens or twenties,
and every time they get rejected, they get some of their money back.
They love it and end up loving rejection.
And they have the same kind of epiphanies
like, "Wow, it's really hard to get rejected" Robert: And it didn't hurt.
And I have found that men that will go
out and do that, it blasts away their fear of rejection forever.
Then you can talk with anybody because you've already gotten over the story.
You've quit telling yourself the story.
So those those are the two most powerful
ways. I got some other illustrations, but we kind of get the point that those..
It's the story. We got to get past the story we tell ourselves.
Matt: Yeah. It's like they're just taking it personally.
And when, really the story is.. She's
in a hurry or the story is she has a boyfriend,
she's happy in her relationship and her boyfriend is right across the street.
Robert: Could be. yeah. Matt: That's the story.
But we tell ourselves another story. "I'm not good enough."
"I'm a piece of crap."
"A woman like that would never like me."
And if we only knew, you know, but every time we're going to put a story
on it anyway, might as well put a story that serves us.
Robert: Yeah.
And why not avoid stories altogether? Because even the story of "she's hot,"
for example, "she must be great in bed" or "she's hot"
just go talk to people, talk to everybody.
And if somebody you're talking to really is interesting and you think, "yeah,
and I like how they look" these things about them and they
seem to like those things about you then go with that, man.
Go with it. But now our stories don't serve us.
All they do is cause us a lot of pain.
Matt: Hey, man, I hope you enjoyed this episode.
Make sure to subscribe to this channel so that you can watch the other episodes
from the Robert Glover interview and make sure to hit that Bell notification icon.
And listen, man, if you want to go deep and really get this part of your life
handled, then I highly recommend either one of our live programs.
I'll put a link to our boot camp schedule down below.
We're traveling all over the world and we
help you become the best, most attractive version of yourself.
So I recommend that you click the link down in the description to apply
for a free breakthrough session, where you'll hop on a phone call with one
of our team members and we'll assess your situation.
We'll see where you're at right now, where you want to be.
See if we can get you there in the fastest and easiest way possible.
I'll put a link to it at the end of this video on the right side.
So click that link and let's get this part of your life handled for good.
And if you've got questions, feel free to follow me and hit me up on Instagram.
Send me a DM.
I would love to chat with you and leave me a comment down below.
Let me know what you thought of this video.
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interview or any thoughts or ideas you have.
Leave a comment again. My name is Matt Artisan
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