Hey guys, welcome back thanks for joining me for another video. I'm really excited about this week. We're gonna dive into
Narcissus in the workplace. So meaning you have a boss who's narcissistic or a co-worker on and I got this request but
done recently
so there must be a lot of people out there struggling at their jobs into their offices with someone who is
narcissistic and really what they want is just tips on how to kind of deal with this type of personality because chances are
You know, you can't just like up and leave your job tomorrow
So you have to learn how to engage with this person on some level, you know
One of the things that we all say when it comes to narcissism is run
run for the hills go no-contact, and when you can't really do that, you have to learn how to
cohabitate with this person on some level whether you're
Co-parenting or working with someone and obviously each situation is a little bit different
But for the most part we're trying to just learn coping skills
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So a piece of advice that someone gave me years ago and it has always stuck with me was
Someone said to me once, you know, you need to know your audience
so you need to know the person that you're dealing with and the reason why this is so important is because it allows you to
Kind of accept people for who they are and where they're at and what they're able to give and it also gives you an opportunity
to kind of understand
well
What do I need to do in order to?
Interact with this person so we can never change another person
We can only change ourselves and a lot of this is learning the skills that you need to learn in order to manage yourself
in these interactions
So since we pretty much know how a narcissist works, there is one thing that when you're dealing with someone in the workplace
That's really essential
especially if you're dealing with someone who perhaps you have a Boston a narcissistic is
Understanding that their needs come first that they have their own agenda
All they do is care about themselves and understanding what that agenda is is really crucial. So
Knowing what their agenda is is crucial, but also understanding that they need to know
What can they get out of every situation?
That's the most powerful that's like the golden nugget right there. If you know what they're trying to get out of every interaction
deal
Project, you know daily workload, whatever how it's going to benefit them
Then you can play off that in order to kind of get what you want or just to protect yourself in general
So what they need to know is how can you help them achieve their goals? Because right everything's about them
Everything is about their own goals and their own needs
Now since they only care about themselves
And they're always trying to get ahead and they're always trying to close that deal and whatever, right?
It can be really frustrating because obviously in an office environment a team environment. It is more than one person
Putting in the effort to get the job done right heads team and when one person is always looking out for themselves, you know
there's going to be times where that person might take credit for something that you did or
might take their frustrations out on you or
Might want to just kind of use you to have their own personal gain, and that obviously could be extremely frustrating
so one of the first things that you should never do when you are interacting with someone especially say for example
They took credit for something that you did or you know
They're not treating you with the respect that you want to be treated with whatever the case is
You can never come at this person and blame them now as an outsider looking in
It might be very clear that what they did was wrong
But if you want to play nice in the sandbox and get something out of the situation yourself
Because you're in this job and you can't just leave tomorrow
You're gonna have to learn how to play nice in the sandbox. And one of the first things is never blaming them
so because most egos are
Extremely fragile and people don't like to hear when they did something wrong. Especially someone who's narcissistic
we kind of have to figure out how do we like get around this in order to get what we need out of the
situation
So the best way to interact with someone is to number one take all
Emotion out of it now obviously in the workplace. There should be no emotion involved. It is a strictly business
Environment, but you can't take what they're doing personally
And I know sometimes that this can be really really hard especially if you're a person of principle and an ethic and you do all
The right things and you know, you're fair and all of those lovely qualities and traits
But you can't take what they're doing as a personal attack on you even when it might look like a personal attack on you
so when you remove
Emotion from it. You don't look like that or emotional erratic
You know unhealthy person in the office
you actually look like someone with confidence and that's able to speak directly and confidently and
calmly to the person so interacting with someone who's
Narcissistic is actually the easiest thing to do in a work environment because there is no emotion involved and you can speak very directly
With the person so you want to only be using I statements
You never want to blame a person and quite frankly
This helps in any interaction with people right is to number blame people is just to talk about how something is making you feel
Versus all the things that the other person is doing wrong
To either manage the team or get this done or what that behavior was yesterday and how it was wrong and they shouldn't have done
That avoid all of that for the time being so you're not blaming them as to why you feel the way you feel
What you're doing is just discussing what you feel and what are the best options?
to not feel the way that you do so you can then
Work your hardest like that's really what the goal is right is what can you do to help me to achieve my goal?
So any narcissus is actually probably going to give you what you want. If it means that they get what they want
There's a lot of tit-for-tat in these relationships
So if you know, okay
This is what I need to work my best and in turn this then helps
You look like the best boss ever get this project done faster, etc
Then you can get what you need
They can get what they need and all as well for the most part
Now when describing what it is that you need in terms of whatever whether it's respect whether it's actual
Things that you need in order to get your job done. It's best to always give options to the person
the reason why options are always so important with any
Narcissist is because it allows them to have control so to speak in
Make them feel like they're actually making the decisions
Versus you're the one really making the decisions and every get every option that you gave this person
It's fine with you
But it allows them to make the decision to feel better about themselves really boost up that ego
So to speak
Now a lot of you might be listening to this video and cringing because you're like I don't want to play these childish games
But again, if you can't leave a job tomorrow
You're gonna have to learn how to kind of tiptoe on some things until you can either
Get out of a department get a new job
Etc or you know, maybe it doesn't bother you that much to play these little games
To boost this ego if you are essentially getting what you want out of the situation
Which is a normal somewhat normal or environment at the end of the day?
We spend so much time at our jobs
sometimes we spend more time at our office or a job than we do with our own families, and it's
Important to have a normal healthy environment, you know when I always say you can't pick your family
But you can pick your job and you can pick your partner
And so if you can't just like I set up and leave tomorrow
You have to make the best of it and these are the things that are gonna help you to make the best out of this
situation on a side know any
Narcissist whether you're co-parenting or it is in the workplace document document document you want less verbal interaction and more
Documentation, so whether that's you know, just speaking to them the most you possibly can on email
We're not standing at the wall at the bubbler or water cooler or whatever
You want to call it in the kitchen and the break room?
Chit-chatting about our lives and what's going on?
You don't want to do any of that you go to work
You do a job your interact with some people that you like at your office
But for the most part you do your job and then you leave
one of the things that can be extremely frustrating with someone who's narcissistic is their ability to be relentless and if
You've known any narcissist you'll know at the end of the day. They want what they want and they want it right now
And so when they ask you of something they want an answer immediately
and this was always the thing that frustrated the most out of me when I was ever dealing with someone who was
Narcissistic was they were very relentless
They were an extreme pusher until they got an either an answer or got what they wanted
And so if you're dealing with someone in an office situation or boss etc. This is a thousand percent gonna happen
So you're gonna get the email about what it is that they want. You're gonna get a phone call
You're gonna get them coming up to your office or you know up to your desk and asking you so they're going to bug you
and bug you until they get an answer or they finally get what they want from you so learning how to
you know set boundaries is a hundred percent something that you need to practice and if you fear
Confrontation hate to break it to you
This person is teaching you how to let those fears go and learn how to stand up for yourself
That's why I always say
Narcissus is actually a great teacher because they're going to pull out of you the things that you need to work on within yourself
So you can be the best version of yourself. So for me, I always hated confrontation
I would tend to be over emotional and just like react and so being able to calm myself down in
situations when I was dealing with certain types of people and personalities it allowed me to learn how to
Calm down
Pause think about what I was gonna say before I said it not just react what people were doing and taking everything. So personally,
It allowed me to
Speak softly and more calm and slower so I could get my thoughts across or quite frankly it taught me
Just to you know be able to disengage from someone and do that in a healthy way
So either way this person is going to teach you great life skills if you can use this person
Your benefit and not have it be such a you know
Detriment to your day-to-day life. So you being able to set boundaries and enforce the boundaries is something that's absolutely huge
Like I said document document document
Is something that is a hundred percent needs to happen and when all else fails at the end of the day?
Depending on the situation, you know
If you're in a job where the money is great and you don't want to leave the money at the end of the day don't
You just want your own happiness and quite frankly
The money will come and something else that you do
If you believe that that's the case
If you come from Lac and you think that this is the job and you're never gonna find another job that's gonna pay you
What you're getting paid here then again, that's the stuff that you need to work on within yourself because that is not the case
That's just what you're telling yourself though. Those are your assumption
Those are your fears of leaving something that you perhaps have known for a really long time and venturing into the unknown
So again, these are all great
Things for you to learn and overcome if you choose to do so
So I hope you have enjoyed this video
If you did, don't forget to give it a thumbs up, and I will see you next week