- I'm here in Tan's dressing suite,
things are going pretty well.
Rachel's in good spirits.
Tan is crying.
I don't know what happened there.
(upbeat music)
- What was your name?
- Tan.
Tan.
- Tan.
- What I see is like the manifestation of depression.
- Oh!
Oh.
No.
Okay this can't work for you,
'cause that clearly should be like there.
- Then I have camel toe now.
- Yeah.
The Kardashians do the toe.
- They do?
- They do.
I don't think it's a thing. - I can't keep up with them.
- Oh.
- You know I switched clothes with Pete Davidson
one night on stage.
I wore SpongeBob pants.
- I know exactly which ones you mean.
(laughing)
I know his wardrobe quite well.
- He's the only one who owns 'em.
- Yes, he sure is.
Now can we give you a John Mulaney?
- Yeah, a Mulaney time.
- Mulaney time.
I wanna see you in something Pete.
- So I'm gonna put you in a suit.
- Okay.
I'll try the turtle neck.
- Okay.
Are we feeling hip?
Are we feeling cool?
- [John] We're feeling hypey and strong.
- It looks so good.
♪ I tell the girls say they like me ♪
♪ Wanna get up with my clique ♪
♪ Get my up with my clique ♪
- Hey, Tan.
(laughing)
- Does your mom date?
- I'm trying to get her to.
- How do you feel when your mom dates?
- I don't care.
Someone should slam her.
Seriously, she's been like not with anybody
since like my dad died, someone needs to get up in there
and get that lady off my back.
- She might see this, Pete.
- I don't care.
- Do you talk to her like--
- I mean at this point I might fuck her.
- Whoa!
- Tan, if I wanna change with the door open, can I?
- I would rather you did.
(laughing)
- If you want, we can get right to it.
We'll get right to it.
- Yes please.
- I'm very shy.
I don't want attention at all.
- Do you mind if I tuck it?
- Are you doing the French tuck?
You hit me with that tuck!
I knew that tuck was coming!
- To be French tucked--
- To get a French tuck by Tan, oh, yeah.
- Guess what I have.
A French tuck.
- Oh, you do!
- In your honor.
- Oh my gosh, I didn't see it.
- Wait wait, I do as well.
I've got a French tuck as well.
- I am confused.
Why are you doing the Scottish accent?
Can I give you a sentence?
- Yeah. - I'll try.
- This could be good and I'd love to see it on you.
- Ooh, that's not bad.
- Close.
- One more. One more.
This could be good and I'd love to see it on you.
- Rightio.
Yes, I'll try that on.
- I don't like that color.
- What color do you like?
- I like pink, darker pink, a little bit darker pink,
hot pink, purple, white, gray, really light pink,
a little bit of a darker pink, a maroon, hot pink.
I picked a scab.
Red blood colors.
And scab colors like browns and tan colors.
Tan colors.
- Yes.
- And I also have black.
- So when you're on a red carpet,
do you feel baller or no?
- I do rely on one thing, it's this.
- Show me.
Oh you know, yeah.
- So there's always a person who seems upset
directing the red carpet.
- Always!
- Always.
This is an overworked person.
It's not always a blonde woman but yes it is.
- And her name's always Britney.
(laughing)
Always.
- First move is false humility,
which is look at the mark as if
I've never been on a red carpet before.
(laughing)
So I go.
- Oh no, you do, every time?
- This is just my first time.
I'm just happy to be here.
- I don't know what to do with my arms.
- Yeah, it's a hard one.
- [Ali] It's so awkward.
- This looks natural?
- Yes.
- With these fuckin' long swinging.
- You smile?
You're one of the very few people who does.
My worry when I smile is it shows stuff
that I don't want it to show,
so I do bitch instead.
- Well that works for you 'cause everyone knows
you're a nice person.
(laughing)
- Kinda true.
- I need a walker.
- For you?
- Someone needs to make a gorgeous walker
to go with our heels.
- Can I get a Stella McCartney walker?
- Yeah yeah yeah.
(laughing)
We'll put bows all over it.
- I'm going to a architecture convention.
I'm gonna give a speech on how to design Japanese houses.
- I'm part of the Kanye French Resistance Army.
And we are gonna storm the Bastille
and have like an all night concert.
- This is like a narc.
A narc is an adult who pretends to be a teen using drugs.
- All joking aside.
- Who's selling ecstasy?
I'm part of your school.
- I wanna bend over and not show my dirt star.
What?
- Dirt star?
- You've never heard dirt star?
- Never.
Have you heard balloon knot?
- Hilarious.
- Yeah it definitely is more like that.
- More accurate.
- Definitely more accurate, it's a balloon knot.
♪ Giving up ♪
♪ Put on your mom jeans ♪
- Will you put a pair on?
- Let's all wear some mom jeans.
- Let's do it.
(upbeat music)
- Da da da da.
Da da da da.
This was your plan all along, wasn't it, Tan?
- To wed you?
- You may kiss the bride. - No.
- No!
(upbeat music)
(melodic music)