So I had a quandary, a question for you.
Imagine that you guys are launched into space.
How do you guys function as a crew?
What roles do you guys take up?
Who goes insane first?
Basically, give me an idea of how this space travel goes.
Say you're just stuck in the space capsule
for a couple months, traveling to Mars or something.
Okay, I have very strong feelings about this.
First of all, it would be a similar dynamic
to what you see here.
We don't change as people.
It's just in zero gravity and under constrained conditions.
I don't think I'd go crazy first
because I would posit that I've gone already.
That's what I was thinking.
I think I'm unbalanced now on Earth.
I don't think I'd change that drastically
when you put me in space.
I think Gourley goes crazy first
cause Sona, I've seen you be very chill
in very intense situations.
Gourley, you are a fussy fellow
who likes your life the way you like it,
and all your little tchotchke would be floating around
and your ukulele strings.
This is a guy who carries a briefcase telling me this.
I don't have a briefcase.
I've seen you come in
with a little brown leather briefcase bag.
No, that's a mailman's bag.
It's a mail bag. That's even worse.
Yeah, but no.
No, no, no, let me finish here 'cause you're just wrong.
You like your life the way you like it.
That's true. Everything is just so.
And Sona and I have been in the trenches.
We have.
And some crazy stuff over the years.
I think you have always had your little muddled drink
just when you wanted it.
You've always enjoyed the music you wanted to hear
when you wanted to hear it,
and the little snacks you wanted just when you wanted them.
I got Smith to ship all this up there for me though.
I know.
No, but it's gonna be floating around.
That's just it. That's even better.
It's gonna be floating around
and you're gonna get very uptight, and you're gonna say,
"Where's my, wha?" Yeah
What do you mean, "Yeah"? "Where's my little?"
You don't even know what he's talking about.
Well, no,
"Where's my little-"
I definitely not going crazy first.
I know that's for sure.
And I'm not 'cause I'm there.
So it is between the two of you.
And that what I was gonna say.
You're already crazy, but how are you gonna do
without an audience for two months?
Oh, all my bits in zero gravity, I get to do every bit
that I've been trying out since I was a kid in zero gravity.
I don't need anybody.
I'm gonna be so happy up there.
I swear to God.
Me doing my shtick in zero gravity.
The first two years
are gonna be me doing the string dance in zero gravity
and no one can even get my attention.
It doesn't come back down though, Conan.
Oh, right.
The string doesn't come back down.
You just keep going up. I just keep going up
You're gonna be stuck in the position
and you're going to have
to manually force your leg back down.
(Sona laughs)
Yeah, you could eject me from the spaceship
and I could do one pull on the string dance
which would rocket me towards the sun.
Little thrusters Yeah.
Have you guys ever seen the movie "Sunshine"?
This is what would happen. Yes.
You would end up like Mark Strong in that movie.
They wouldn't hear from us for decades
and then they'd find you burned by the sun,
having murdered everybody in the space station.
Yeah, okay, but that's not going-
Still eating a potato.
Yeah, that's not me going crazy.
That's me realizing a dream.
Oh!
Okay? Okay, yeah, fair enough.
"Oh, he went crazy."
"What did he do?"
"He killed Gourley." (Gourley laughs)
"Oh, I don't think he went crazy."
That's just normal behavior.
He achieved his lifelong ambition. (laughs)
Is my life in danger? No, you're fine for now.
For now.
Witnesses! You're gonna be murdered.
I think it would be a fantastic experience,
and I think we could add greatly
to science's knowledge of space.
So, Conan, are you taking the lead role?
Are you the captain on this mission?
I'm not. Or are you electing?
Excuse me! No way I am.
If he is, I'm in mutanty.
What are you talking about? Oh, I'm not.
I'm not taking that role.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
It's gonna be one of you two.
Why is this up for debate?
That's insane.
You can't operate a car fob, much less a phone.
He's not wrong.
It's called "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend"
and you guys are terrific smaller players,
but you can't make me answer to Gourley
or answer to Sona.
That's madness.
It's gonna be called "Conan O'Brien Crashes a Spaceship."
(Conan laughs) He's not wrong.
Here's the thing.
If there's something mechanically wrong
that needs to be fixed,
like physically somebody needs to actually fix it,
I don't think you'll do that.
I know Gourley will do that.
I don't think you'll do that.
Are you handy? You need me.
Are you handy?
Yeah, he's the handiest one.
You are pretty handy.
No, but you're still not in charge.
Scotty on Star Trek was not in charge.
The Captain was in charge
and then he'd tell Scotty, "Get the engines working"
and Scotty would do it.
That's the dynamic.
But what if Scotty doesn't do it?
Yeah, but what are you contributing?
I have an amazing personality.
(laughs) That doesn't matter in space.
Guess what?
I have zero gravity hair on Earth's gravity.
(Sona laughs) What is that?
So imagine what it's gonna be like up there.
That's true.
I just don't know what your value,
what you're bringing to the table besides lots of bits.
I have 28 years of America's love.
(Sona laughs) Hold on a second.
I'm doing the math right now.
Well, I was on for 28 years.
I wanna say a solid three of America's love.
But I think it's not even up for discussion.
I am the alpha and I will be in charge,
and I'm not saying it's- You're the elf.
I'm not saying it's a good thing.
I didn't say it was a good thing.
It's just going to happen.
Okay. Okay?
Well, I thank you guys for your time.
(laughs) He's ending this. (laughs) He's ramping it up.
And also for getting probably fired.
Smith, guess what?
Smith Mullican, you're the first man ever on A Conafan
to end the interview.
Yeah, that's smart
For your own good judgment and sense of propriety.
and I congratulate you.
Thank you.