Hey guys, Geoffrey here and this video I'm going to let you know, you know,
when you're giving your partner space, how long should you be waiting,
how long should you expect before you get some results coming your way and how
long before the whole thing comes back to normal again? And things are restored.
Now, if you haven't met yet, my name is Geoffrey.
And my mission here is to empower men, uh,
men in longterm relationships and in marriages with the right skills and
knowledge to be able to steer that relationship to a place where it can thrive.
So I really want you to stick around until the end of the video because what I'm
going to share with you will really shift your paradigms and your mindset on how
you perceive and approach this whole potentially frustrating and very confusing
time for you. Now before I begin this video,
I want to let you know them hosting a free masterclass and the topic of the
master class will be all about the proven five steps to rebuilding your
relationship from the ground up. So if you want in on that masterclass,
then be sure to stay until the end of this video for the announcement.
And don't forget to subscribe and hit the bell button to be notified when I post
new videos three times every single week.
Now what I'm going to share with you here is a lot different than what a lot of
people will tell you. What a lot of other coaches tell you,
and you might not be what you expect from a video like this.
So the first thing I want to say is that if you're asking the question,
how long before I see results, how long should I give her space for?
It tells me that you're probably asking the wrong questions and that your
attention is actually directed in the wrong ways.
There's making you suffer and you could be sabotaging yourself in the process as
well. So it's actually backfiring on you by focusing too much on the outcome.
It tells me that you are too much focused on how quick it is versus how right
this processes and explain what that means a bit later.
And it also tells me that you're looking for the outcome before understanding
the process. And again, I'll explain what that means a bit later as well.
And it also tells me that you're bettering yourself.
You're trying to better yourself here for all the wrong reasons.
Right now the reason why you're bettering yourself is that you're bettering
yourself to get your partner back and not necessarily bettering yourself for the
sake of bettering yourself. Now these three things right here,
you might be very difficult for you to admit it.
You might be a very deep subconscious thought in your mind, but again,
if you're asking this question,
what I often find is that these underlying motivations,
it's true that you have one or more of these underlying motivations still inside
your head. And while attaching yourself to the outcome is not the worst thing,
it does sabotage your actions quite a lot and it actually makes the whole
process of recovery a lot slower. What I mean by that is,
you know when you are so attached to the outcome,
it's like watching a plant grow now. So when she wants space,
the moment she wants space and you two are not together,
all you're going to think about is how you're not together.
All they're going to think about is how bad the situation is.
All you're going to think about is how you can contact her to make sure that she
comes back to you. And so this mindset is making you extremely impatient,
extremely anxious and it's like again, watching a plant grow.
You know when you try to wash a pan go,
it seems like it never grows and in the times you do meet up when you are
together,
it also makes you impatient because no matter how many videos you watch or how
many books you read or how much you try to not be pushy,
if you are so attached to the outcome in your head,
then you are going to inadvertently do a lot of things that are going to be
pushy. Even though you're not trying.
It's going to come out in the smallest tone you have.
And the questions you ask in the statements you make,
and again you might not even be conscious of it but because subconsciously
you're so attached to the outcome is going to come out and trust me when I say
that women can smell it from a mile away,
we want to kind of sense when you're trying to do something out of manipulating
her or out of getting her to move back in with you or to change her mind about
her wanting space. They can smell that.
They can smell it when your approaches are not genuine and another way to
sabotage just you.
If you watched my last video on the key reasons why she wants space,
you understand that the reason why she wants space,
the real reason is that she has some deep seated unhappiness with the
relationship.
Something she's missing but she cannot express it to you and she kind of
expressed it to you for a multitude of reasons. You know,
one of them could be that you're not listening.
You made me know how I've been a good listener.
You might not have fully understood what she was trying to say because you jump
into conclusions or solutions too quickly.
Now I'm not going to get into the details of what all these reasons are.
If you want,
you can watch the video above my head to understand the fully understand the
reasons why she wants that space in the first place. Well,
you have to understand that the reason why she kind of expressed it is because
you never took the time to understand.
You never had the patience to actually understand,
dig deeper to what the actual problem is. Instead,
you're always rushing to the solution to get a certain outcome and so when you
are so focused on the outcome here and you're trying to rush the process and she
can smell that, it tells her that you're not ready,
you haven't changed that your approach is still the same,
that you're just going to jump in with your solutions whenever instead of fully
listening and understanding what is actually happening in this relationship.
So that's another way it will sabotage you because you will keep doing the thing
that actually caused her to pull away in the first place.
So if this is a bad question, what are the better questions? Well,
there are four questions you can ask yourself to determine how long before
things are restored.
Number one is how long will it take for you to learn to better yourself for the
sake of bettering yourself,
that you will appreciate the process of bettering yourself,
not for a specific outcome to get her back in this case,
but bettering yourself for the sake of you.
Because the reality is that when you do get back together,
you want to keep feeling motivated to better yourself. Now, if you attach,
you bettering yourself to this outcome of getting her back,
what often happens in my experience is that once they get the partner back,
they lose that motivation because again,
the motivation was tied to getting the partner back.
But now the punter is back to the lost.
That motivation and when they lose that motivation,
they tend to repeat the same mistakes over again and repeat the same negative
cycle over again. And the second time this happens,
the second time she wants space, there'll be much harder to get her back.
But if you change your perspective to bettering yourself for the sake of
bettering yourself regardless of outcome,
that's when you know when she comes back you're going to keep bettering yourself
because your motivation is tied to a non outcome. And that changes everything.
And the second reason why this can make it faster is because when she can see
that you're bettering yourself for the sake of bettering yourself and not
because you want her back,
then your actions will naturally become less manipulative looking.
It won't be as fishy anymore and she will actually believe you believe your
changes and trust your changes and trust that your changes are permanent much
easier.
The second question you can ask yourself is how long for me to learn the skills
to be able to lead a conversation that actually opens up my partner and heals
her emotions and avoids arguments.
And this is important for two reasons because one,
remember again that the main reason why she wants space is that she has some
underlying issues that she can address.
But if you learned a skill to be able to ask the right questions and lead
conversations the right way to where she can feel comfortable sharing all this
stuff with you, then no only is it cathartic for her and healing for her.
But it will give you all the clues you need to understand how to better yourself
feeding back to number one here. And a lot of men,
they think they had the skill to be able to converse properly and dig deep to
the root cause of the problems. But usually we haven't done it.
And the reason why your partner wants space in her first place is because you
haven't developed a skill in the first place.
So this is a scale that you have to admit that you don't have and you have to
develop over time. And the faster you develop it,
the faster she'll move back in and get her back.
And the third question you can ask yourself here is how long for me to learn the
skills to be able to battle that resistance.
Now I'm sure you have faced this moments when you're trying to do the right
things, when giving her space and so on. You're trying to be the better man.
You're trying to do the right things, but she's resisting.
She is not taking your stories.
She's not acknowledging the fact that you're listening better and so on.
This is what we call it resistance and that resistance happens because she
suspicious. Is this person doing all these things? This is right.
Things is great things because he wants to get me back or is he doing this
because it's actually a change person,
a different person now she can sense that you're doing this temporarily to get
her back to manipulate her a tricker.
You know this is something you're doing just to get her back.
Then she will know that that's some trickery and she'll probably pull away
further from you because she knows that if she does move back in and reestablish
the relationship,
things will not change because you are doing this again just for the sake of
getting an outcome.
So the reason why she's resisting and making it very difficult for you is that
she wants to know is this person doing it because of an outcome to get me back
or will this person keep doing it,
keep bettering himself and keep being his new self even though I'm giving him
reasons not to be.
So if you can go past this dip and learn how to battle that resistance and go
through that resistance, that's going to be a massive game changer.
And this is where a lot of people fail.
And the faster you can master this skill,
the faster you can get over that hump and get her back.
And the last thing here is the final statement.
The crucial statement is how long before she believes,
and this is her choice to believe this,
that I fully understand the problem that I have changed.
And that I have changed permanently.
And so this one and capsulates the other three steps,
because for you to get to this point right here, right,
which is when she will come back,
eventually you will have to master the other three steps,
which is that you have to master the process of bettering yourself for the sake
of bettering yourself.
Because this is the only way to convince her that you're doing this for yourself
too, for the sake of bettering yourself and not just to get her back.
Do you need to have mastered a skill of leading a conversation properly to under
defy the root cause of what the problem is in the first place and to understand
what to work on in the first place.
And you need to have gone through this hump of battling that resistance.
Because again, that resistance is her questioning whether this is real or not.
And if you can get past that, you have basically convinced her that, okay,
this guy is real, he's not faking it, and I'm ready to move back in.
So I want you to notice the ironic thing here is that when you stop attaching
yourself to the outcome,
that's the moment when things actually progressed the fastest because you're not
sabotaging yourself and you were actually doing this for the right reasons.
So understand also that in this process there's no trickery here.
There are no short cards, you know there are no, for example,
seven techs that you can send to her to get her back.
There are no seven things you can say to her to get her back.
What she's looking for are not those short term fixes.
What she's looking for are permanent changes within you and until she sees that
she's not moving back in. Now,
if you're interested in a free resource that can help you lead that conversation
and learn some of the skills,
then you want to download my free guide on healing and opening your partner's
emotions down in the description box below this video.
And if you want in that free master class where I talk about the five proven
steps to rebuilding a relationship from the ground up and the same five step
system I give all my students and as have taken them from the brink of divorce
to a place where their relationship really thrives.
Then you also want to click the link in the description box below this video.
And of course if you want to connect with me on a more personal level,
I have a free Facebook group where you can join,
asks you a question and actually get good answers to your questions. And again,
the later that Facebook group is also below this video.
So if you found this video helpful,
then give it a like and subscribe for more content like this one.
And let me know in the comments below which of these insights you find most
eyeopening or most valuable. Let me know in the comments below.
I would love to hear it. And in the meantime, be sure to watch this.
Two other videos here for more information on how you can deal with her needing
space and how to interpret it and how you can deal with it more effectively so
that you can eventually get her back. In the meantime,
I will see you in the next video.