- Hola, como estas?
Welcome to my first show. It's so good to have you here.
Give me a hug. Oh, you son of a bitch.
Too much? Yeah? Sorry.
My first show was supposed to be on Tuesday
but I didn't have time so here it is now like I promised.
Good to have you with me, my name's Matt Santoro.
Some of you already know me. Some of you don't.
For those of you that don't, (beep) you.
Nah, I'm just kidding. I love you all.
(weird noise)
Welcome to the show that doesn't even have a name
but that's okay because we don't need
roads where we're going.
I mean names, names where we're going. Names.
Where we're going we don't need roads.
Brought to you by our very first sponsor, Sesame Street.
♫ I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
♫ Everybody look at me because I'm sailing on a boat
♫ I'm on a boat, I'm on a boat
♫ Take a good hard look at the [beep] boat ♫
(crowd cheering)
I think they're taking the show in a new direction.
What was on my mind today?
The other night I told my girlfriend
that she makes my heart smile and
she told me I make her vagina smile.
Like is that normal? That's not something people should say.
You're welcome for the visual.
See I was pretty sure that wasn't normal.
Owp, just got an email. I love the iPhone.
Another email. Woo.
You know what I heard today?
The Vatican launched a service
that you can text message the Pope.
Is this the right time for that?
Like really, with all stuff going on right now
and all the pedophile rumors
and how the Pope is defending them,
hiding them, keeping them away from the authorities.
Really, is that a good idea?
Right now, like I don't know, I want to know
what you guys think and I'm not making this up,
this is the actual thing.
You can send a text message to the Pope.
Now the text messages don't go directly to the Pope,
they go to his people who forward it to him
by the end of May which is a good thing because
not all those text messages are going to be positive
and not all of them are going to be from adults.
Dear Pope, why did you let Father John diddle me?
Yeah, little Timmy has an iPhone.
That's an actually service and if you don't believe me
I'll put the number that you can text the Pope right here.
Send him whatever you want.
And if any of you do text that number,
let me know if you get a response
because I'm really curious
as to what happens after you send it.
Like, do you get a response text saying,
"Thank you for texting the Pope.
Your name has been recorded.
We promise you will not be diddled this month."
Yeah, the Pope and his people have
the exact same phone as little Timmy.
And not to be a random thought but
is that "Oh My God" song stuck
in anybody else's head?
♫ Oh my god ♫
Yeah, that one.
So since this is the first show
I thought I might give you a little bit
of an idea of exactly what's going on.
Right now my plan is to put out episodes
Tuesdays, Thursdays.
I hope that fits with your schedule. Fits with mine.
There's three different ways you can get a hold of me.
One is by @ replying me on Twitter,
one is by sending me a message on Facebook,
and one is by replying to my videos
or posting a video response.
Links will be in the under bar
and if I really like you're comment
I'll put it in my next video,
and yes, I will read all of your comments
so feel free to send those to me.
Make them sexual.
Okay, well not sexual but they can be funny,
they can just be saying hey,
they could be an interesting news story,
well whatever you want.
Sexual.
Yeah, so that's it. Thanks for tuning in
to my very first show.
I'm excited about it, how about you, baby?
Got me all excited in my pants.
I just went from six to twelve.
- Dude, you'll never guess who I just texted.
- Dude, what are you doing?
Sorry about that.
What? I live with my clones. You don't?
So since this the first show-
So since this the first-
So this-