this is Stuff You Like, where movie dads are inept and you shouldn't really
expect too much of them. Also this episode may contain sociology
You have been warned. I watched Coyote Ugly for the second time recently, and I
previously had a soft spot for it, but oh man this is a boring-ass movie, and in the
style of XKCD it is also a boring ass-movie by which i mean there are lots of
butts. All of the butts in their hip hugger jeans with the bootcut because
Year 2000. But today we're talking about dads and emotional labor so bear
with me. First
the plot of Coyote Ugly goeth thusly: this is Violet Sanford. [Just a small town
girl living in a lonely world
she took the midnight train
going anywhere] by which I mean her friend gave her a 42-mile lift from her small town in New
Joy-sey? New Jersey? wherever, to New York City where she wants to be a songwriter
not a singer, you understand, just a songwriter, because she has chronic stage
fright just like her dead mother... didn't actually as it turns out, and do I smell
a character arc? oh boy you bet!
but it turns out nobody will listen to her tape and she'll have to [gasp] sing the songs
herself live to get people to listen to them! In the meantime her apartment is
broken into and all her money is stolen so she needs a job, and gets one at
Coyote Ugly because she sees the coyotes in a diner performing exposition on how
much money they make.
She manages to get the job even though she's shy and not generally assertive
but anyway blah blah songwriting blahblah gaining confidence blah blah drama with dad
blahblah love story blah blah happy resolution singing in public
blah blah LeAnn Rimes, end. It's not like the movie doesn't make sense i mean
there's set up and pay off for stuff like needing the lights off to sing in
front of an audience; the offhand remark about crazy drivers sets up the later
car accident etc etc, but oh man is it boring! This movie needed more Lil.
Violet's issues revolve around four different people in the movie: the dead
mother, the overprotective boyfriend, the demanding boss and...the father I would
sum him up in an adjective but I kind of can't. Judgmental? Overprotective? Inept?
Probably all of those. The bit which nagged at me the most about Violet's
relationship with her dad though is the inept part. Near the beginning of the
movie there is a scene where Violet is getting ready to leave home, and she's
rushing around packing up the last of her things... and also instructing her
father.
Eat this, not that; don't forget to take your vitamin pills; I left you lean
cuisine meals in the freezer (implying that you can't or won't cook) I'll be
back on Sunday so don't try to work the clothes dryer by yourself... and he stops
her to say hey! who's the parent here? and then after going and telling her not to
live an independent life
great parenting, he grudgingly wishes her good luck. The dad is meant to be the
emotional center of the film, but instead of being happy that he's finally
supportive of her i'm just wondering how Violet managed to graduate middle school.
I mean this guy is a widower! He's been a single parent since his kid was quite
small!
HOW is she still alive and healthy? Coyote Ugly and my other topic for today, The Little
Lady Agency both contain significant inept or unsupportive dad subplots because
man you can't expect men to understand these things
amirite? The Little Lady Agency books are by Hester Browne and Hester Browne
heroines are almost exclusively somewhat posh impeccably mannered British
women in their mid to late twenties, and in a significant number of cases they
end up using these impeccable manners in a money-making way. So the heroine of the
finishing touches runs a modern finishing school, for example, and Melissa
Romney-Jones? Well she makes her money pretending to be people's girlfriends
while wearing a blond wig. In the Little Lady Agency Melissa ends up building an
entire business on doing all of the girlfriend stuff without actually being
people's girlfriends. No funny business or laundry as she puts it, but basically
everything else: nagging men to stop biting their nails, taking them shopping
advising them on glasses frames, ordering flowers for their mother's birthday etc
etc and she charges them a significant amount of money to do it too.
She also ends up falling in love with one of her clients but that's honestly
the least compelling part of the book. People give Melissa a lot of stick for
her agency, especially her conservative MP probably corrupt certainly
tax-dodging father.(He's also a serial adulterer: really nice dude)
but as Melissa points out if he actually had to pay his substance addicted two
steps away from a nervous breakdown wife for all the services that she provides
for him he wouldn't be able to afford her. Basically he is hideously
unappreciative goal of the wife work / emotional labor that is done for him
we'll come back to what that is in a minute. Melissa's contentious
relationship with her father is because he's an imperious a-hole who is
impervious to criticism and or shame. And they do end up with a sort of grudging
understanding eventually, but he never really changes. She just learned to stand
up to him. But Melissa's dad is meant to be dreadful and so when she gets one
over on him we're supposed to cheer.
He's also the source of about half of her emotional issues rather than
supposed to be the heart of the book. But since the dad is supposed to be the
emotional center of Coyote Ugly it's uncomfortable, because he doesn't seem to
appreciate any of the emotional labor which is done for him or do much
emotional labor on behalf of other people (including his daughter). We should
define what I mean by emotional labor and wife work: emotional labor and wife
work are basically
the thinking parts of the relationship. Things like: planning this week's meals
and writing the shopping list remembering that on Tuesday we have to
eat fast because little Jenny has piano lessons; getting little Jenny's music
folder together for said piano lessons; birthdays, Christmas cards, presents,
dentist, dr., optician appointments, when did you last call your mother?
listening to boring work stories to be emotionally supportive, hosting, event
planning, organizing the babysitting, I could go on but, you know, you probably
get the idea at this point. It's not just the doing.
It's the thinking. Housework (at least the physical acts of housework) have been much
more evenly divided and continue to become more evenly divided over the
years between men and women but the wife work? The emotional labor, the thinking
about what needs done? Mostly a lady thing.
Note please that the people who protest that no one has to send birthday cards
Christmas cards or whatever are of course absolutely right, you don't. But if
you don't then you have to find other ways of maintaining your relationships
because unmaintained relationships just kind of die off. Anyway, like I said,
Violet's father does eventually show up in the emotional labor kind of sense and
he gets behind her and supports her and all of that good stuff. And we're
supposed to be happy about that, and I guess we are... kinda. But it does nothing
to convince me that he's actually a competent human being, I mean he's got
all these awards for great customer service and whatever, but...mmm...he can't organize
his own dinner! Because caring for your health is for chicks, I guess!
Violet is the one who can work the clothes dryer; Violet is one who worries
about her father's health; Violet's the one who calls to say hi; Violet is doing
the bulk of the emotional work here. Even when her dad is mad at her for being a
coyote she still calls him (even if she does say she doesn't think she's doing
anything wrong) and we expect that because she's the woman in the
relationship. She doesn't get paid, nobody thanks her, and the implication is that
her dad is a total incompetent... but that's totally okay for some reason? Good
training for being a coyote though, because being a coyote is pure emotional
labor. It is pretending whether you're tired or sick or angry at the world that
you're a hot sexy fun woman who likes to dance on the bar and have water chucked
all over you, and who will also serve drinks! (Whether your father approves or
not) The conclusion to the dad drama is that he gets hit by a car and ends up in
hospital. And they just kind of make up and it's fine, whatever, and Violet
notices he smells like Old Spice because a cute nurse bought it for him! I mean
it's meant to be all cute and adorable but I'm just thinking, hey great! Violet
can go be a famous songwriter now! Someone else is tasked with making sure
her dad doesn't die early. Caring for your health is for chicks. Coyote Ugly isn't a
total hot mess of a movie, it's just kind of there.
it mashes all these subplots of Violet's together and she's not a
compelling enough character to carry the movie all by herself. Violet's character
is doing all the emotional and plot related heavy lifting and there's just
not enough to her to make it work.
Honestly I'd rather just reread The Little Lady Agency, because while neither
dad really fills me with confidence in their parenting abilities, at least
Melissa's dad isn't supposed to. Also there are far fewer drunk people
involved, and Coyote Ugly seems to function as a sort of PSA on how dumb drunk
people can be.
Ah well. That's us for this week! If you'd like to follow me on twitter it's
@JillBearup, if you'd like to support the show on Patreon it's up here and
regardless I'll see you soon!