Top 100 Things Parents Never Want To Hear
100) You're kinda old. 99) Pretty sure I just clogged the toilet.
I went to Taco Bell. 98) Yeah, I'm dating a 16-year-old, but she's
really mature for her age. 97) Everyone failed that test.
96) College isn't for me. 95) I'm pretty sure I'm going to drop out.
94) Why can't you wash the dishes? 93) Why can't you take the trash out?
92) I'm really thinking about becoming a Scientologist. 91) Does this look like herpes to you?
90) I kinda hit a stop sign with the car last night. It could've been worse.
89) I thought it was a person at first. 88) Dang, putting on a little weight there
buddy. Might wanna do some Weight Watchers or something. P90X...Y...Z
87) Hey mom, I kinda need to borrow $500. 86) I'm thinking about getting my nipples
pierced. 85) Mom!
84) I'm thinking about getting my tongue pierced. 83) Mom!
82) I'm thinking about getting a forehead tattoo.
81) Mom! What?
80) Come here. 79 All I'm saying is, I'm not the only one
who's doing nude modeling. 78) I might have maxed out the credit cards.
77) I'm going to put you in a nursing home. 76) Did you know prostitution is legal in
Nevada? I know where I'm going for Spring Break.
75) I don't even wanna live to be as old as you guys.
74) I'm changing my major again. 73) You know I've been really thinking about
Satanism a lot. 72) I kinda took out a loan in your name.
71) You can make a lot of money selling drugs. 70) You told me to get a job. I have a job
now. 69) Wait, so...do you and mom still...you
know? 68) This is the Orange County Police Department.
67) This is the principal of the school calling. Your son has been exhibiting some strange
behaviors. 66) I think I've been driving 3 hours in the
wrong direction. 65) Mom, the toilet's not working.
64) Can my girlfriend live with us? 63) I gotta tell you something, but I'll only
tell you on Jerry Springer. 62) I'm only failing three classes.
61) I would never want to marry anyone like you.
60) Yeah I'm dating an ex-felon, but everyone deserves a second chance.
59) Why do I have to clean my room? It's my room. What if like it dirty? Did y'all ever
think about that? 58) I was lucky to get a D.
57) The teacher just doesn't like me. 56) What does it mean if it burns when you
pee? 55) Hey, I think I just put a hole in the
wall, but I'm going to try and fix it before you guys get home. Love you!
54) Mom, I kinda pawned you wedding ring. 53) You should be more like Billy's parents.
52) Billy's parents are cool. 51) What did you see in mom?
50) You smell old! 49) I'm dating a stripper. She's pretty nice
though. Her name's Bubbles. 48) Can my friend live with us?
No. Well, I mean he sorta has been living with
us. 47) I've been sneaking him in at night time.
46) Mom, the toilet's overflowing. 45) Yeah, I signed up for Guys Gone Wild.
44) I'm thinking about joining a gang. You think I should join the Crips or the Bloods?
OK...definitely the Bloods. 43) You guys have no swag whatsoever. Do you
even know what that means? 42) I'm pretty sure I got married in Vegas
last night. I don't really remember though. 41) How does an annulment work?
40) I'm dating my college professor so that's like an easy A. You know what I'm saying?
39) I need some more toilet paper. 38) Marijuana's legal in Colorado. Why can't
we smoke it here? You smoked marijuana right? No.
You didn't smoke marijuana? No.
37) Well you should have. 37) What do you want mom. Stop calling me.
35) Dad, I'm constipated. 34) It won't come out.
33) You ain't the boss of me! 32) Dad, it hurts. It hurts!
31) You didn't find marijuana in my room...that was cocaine.
30) Those weren't my drugs. I was just holding them for a friend.
29) You know where I can get the day after pill?
28) Hey dad, I accidentally crashed the car again, but I'm Ok!
27) Billy's parents let him do it! 26) I wish I was Billy.
25) Pretty sure I just infected this computer. 24) Can I call you by your first name?
23) I'm thinking about changing my degree from engineering to cosmetology.
22) You act just like grandma. 21) I accidentally shot a guy.
20) Are those the weed brownies? 19) You should just die your hair grey.
18) We have insurance, right? 17) Which countries don't extradite?
16) Wait, is that like a mustache you got now?
15) Working is overrated. 14) I'm just going to live here with you guys
for the rest of my life. 13) She said she was on the pill. What am
I supposed to do? 12) Wait, I'm supposed to be paying taxes?
11) I'm not going to take care of you when you're old.
10) Ok, she's not a stripper. She's a call girl. There's a difference.
9) I'm really exploring my sexuality these days.
8) I'm thinking about doing some porn. It's pretty lucrative.
7) I'm going to drop out of school to pursue my rap career. They call me Lil Scoot. Scoot-Scoot-Scoot
6) Hi, this is the lab calling. We have your test results back. You're going to want to
come in as soon as possible. 5) I think I might have killed someone.
4) It wasn't self-defense but he deserved it.
3) Mom doesn't love you. 2) I'm thinking of having a sex change.
1) My girlfriend's pregnant. I'm pretty sure it's mine though.
What number was the funniest? What Top 100 video should I make next?
I'm a grown man.