From murderous stalkers to the reason you shouldn’t do ass play on the first date
we look 8 Tinder Horror Stories. 8.
Shotgun Sally • Most of us have had that Psycho Ex before
and now dating apps can put you in touch with them faster than ever!
• This unlucky fellow met a lovely lady on Tinder and everything was going well until
she started making jokes about killing him.
“Oh Bobby, I could just murder you and eat your liver with fava beans”.
That kind of stuff I’m guessing.
And then she brought up the shotgun she keeps in her bedroom.
• Romeo didn’t stick around after that and of course to show how sane she was she
started stalking him, eventually showing up at his house, banging on the door and windows.
Scaring the shit out of him, she did end up leaving so I guess she didn’t bring her
shotgun otherwise this would have a different ending.
7.
Second Cousins • With today’s online anonymity and the
prevalence of hook up culture, let this always be a lesson to make sure you know who you
are banging.
• This unlucky guy matches with a gorgeous girl and two hit it off straight away.
They talk a while and everything is going how would expect until they add each other
on Snapchat.
He gets the add from her and notices that her last name is the same as his mother’s
quite rare maiden name.
• So after a few probing questions on the matter they work out they are second cousins…and
then never talk to each other again.
So let this be a warning, always make sure you aren’t about to send a dick pic to a
family member.
6.
The First Timer • Taking a person’s virginity is usual
a painful and awkward experience, even for same sex encounters.
• Our female victim found herself a 10/10 bi-curious girl who had only been with guys.
They go out, get tipsy and start to get it on buuuut this where the awkward comes into
it.
The newbie starts to prod her fingers into her vagina in a feeble attempt at fingering,
but her insane acrylic nails start to do exactly what you’d expect down there.
• After telling her to be a *little* gentler she breaks down in tears with the whole “I’m
not ready” stuff.
The next morning our victim goes to pee and it’s burning like the surface of the sun.
Turns out the fake nails had done enough damage in there to give her a UTI.
5.
The Asshole • Most people would have encountered the
most common horror story on Tinder, matching with an asshole.
• On way to their date, this poor girl receives a message from him saying that he’s already
there and that he’s ordered her salad.
Now that’s probably the part where she should have ditched because he did this just assuming
that’s what she wanted.
• He then spends their dinner talking about his Ex (who’s a model) and how great it
was fucking her.
And to cap it off after she had told him she didn’t like smokers, he bums some off a
stranger and chain smokes all night.
If only Tinder had tags for dickheads this could be avoided.
4.
Mutual Rejection • You don’t always know how well you will
get along with someone until the first date.
• This poor fella really didn’t feel it gelling with his Tinder date and told her
gently that he wasn’t interested in a second date but that wasn’t a good enough answer
for her.
No see according to her it has to be mutual.
Not sure what to do, he basically ran away from her, hoping that she would get the picture.
• But hell no, she wasn’t done with him yet.
She called him later that night demanding a second date.
Over the next week she sent him 20 messages again trying to make him see that he had no
right to not date her.
Poor guy, apparently she still keeps messaging him.
3.
The McNugget • If a Tinder date ever invites you over
but asks you to bring McNuggets.
Run.
Run far away.
• This poor bastard showed up with the meal for this girl, they sat watching a movie which
sounds pretty chill so far.
There’s not a lot of sexual contact between her shoving nuggets in her mouth and being
glued to the screen, so the guy accepts that nothing is gonna happen.
Suddenly when the movie ends she announces “I don’t know if I’m going to fuck you
but you can stay over”.
• So sure the guy goes to bed with her, she gets on top of him, leans forward and….falls
asleep right there.
Just as he’s thinking “what the fuck…” she lets out the world’s loudest fart.
What a charmer. 2.
Crazy Crazy Cat Lady • If you are going to meet someone at their
home, you never can be quite sure what to expect but 15 stray cats probably isn’t
on the radar.
• This guy had met with his Tinderella earlier in the day and she decided now to tell him
to come over for some “Netflix and Chill”.
Making his way over, she messages to let him know she takes in stray cats which even though
he has feline allergies it’s not gonna stop him from getting laid.
Making his way inside he realizes that he has made a grave mistake.
The house smells of cat piss, it’s covered in rubbish and 15 cats are scattering around
the house.
• He’s too horny to back down.
He goes to her room and they spoon but she’s not giving him anything.
Eventually he leaves but when he gets home his allergies have kicked in.
By morning they are even worse, his eyes have almost swollen shut and are in agony.
Talk about bad night, blue balls, swollen eyes and too much of the wrong kind of pussy.
1.
Anal Bleeding • Buckle up because this one hell of a story
that is going to make your anus clench in pain.
• It’s all going well for this Tinder match but when she’s going down on him when
he asks her to play with his butthole.
She uses a bullet vibe to try and satisfy anal urges.
He tells her to go deeper until eventually the vibe goes all the way in.
After the orgasm he asks where the vibe went.
• Dumfounded that he can’t feel it still vibrating away in his butt, he freaks out
when she tells him.
He rushes to the bathroom and when she enters, he has is fist up his ass trying to dig it
out, blood is everywhere.
Eventually she finds him again later, passed out on the floor, vibrator in the toilet and
blood all over him.
And she still asked him out for another date.
OUTTRO: So guys, what’s the worst first date you’ve
ever been on?
Let us know in the reddit page linked below and you might be featured in a future countdown.