>> Stephen: NICE TO SEE YA.
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU REMEMBER WHEN WE FIRST MET.
>> I WAS TRYING TO -- >> Stephen: CROSS YOUR LEGS?
TAKE YOUR TIME.
>> I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE ONE OF THOSE GUYS.
( LAUGHTER ) I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLE TO DO IT,
STEPHEN.
JUST NEVER BEEN ABLE TO.
I'VE GOT THE RIGHT SUIT ON FOR IT, THOUGH, IT'S ONE OF THE
EUROPEAN SUITS.
>> Stephen: I FIND THE EUROPEAN SUITS ARE A LITTLE
TIGHT ACROSS YOUR LEGS.
>> THAT'S OBVIOUS.
>> Stephen: YEAH, I BUY EUROPEAN SUITS TO GIVE ME THE
ILLUSION OF A BUTT, HIGH AND TIGHT.
>> I WEAR IT TO GIVE ME A LITTLE ILLUSION OF A BUTT AS WELL.
>> Stephen: DO YOU REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME WE MET?
YOU PROBABLY DON'T, 1994, HBO COMEDY FESTIVAL IN ASPEN.
>> YES.
>> Stephen: NO WAY YOU REMEMBER.
>> YOU WERE DIFFERENT THEN, THOUGH.
YOU WERE GOING THROUGH A GOTH PHASE OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
>> Stephen: KIND OF.
I'D NEVER MET YOU BEFORE, BUT MY WRITING PARTNER, MY OLD FRIEND,
WE DID A RIDICULOUS 20 MINUTE SONG CYCLE ABOUT A GUY NAMED
BARRON VON GLUDEN, AND I WALKED BACK STAGE AND THERE'S CEDRIC
THE ENTERTAINER AND YOU WENT, WHOO!
( LAUGHTER ) YOU SAID, YOU BOYS WERE OUT
THERE!
I REMEMBER YOU KILLED.
>> THAT'S FUNNY.
YOU GUYS WERE OUT THERE, HUH?
>> Stephen: I SAW YOU ON A NIGHT WHEN YOU WERE FANTASTIC.
YOU WERE WITH THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION 2005, YOU WERE
THE CORRESPONDENTS DINNER SPEAKER.
>> THAT WAS FUN.
I WAS A LITTLE NERVOUS ABOUT THAT.
>> Stephen: I DID IT THE NEXT YEAR.
I WAS AT YOUR THING YOU JUST DESTROYED.
>> BARBARA BUSH WENT HARD ON GEORGE W., AND I HAD TO FOLLOW
HER, SHE WAS KILLING IT.
SO I JUST SWITCHED ALL MY STUFF AND WENT TO CONDOLEEZZA.
( LAUGHTER ) I DID THE WHOLE THING ABOUT THE
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CONDI AND DELEEZA, THE BLACK GIRL AT THE
WHITE HOUSE.
( LAUGHTER ) LIKE, WHAT'S THAT?
HE KNEW SHE HAD TO BE LIKE THAT, TOO.
>> Stephen: YEAH.
THE DELEEZA COME OUT -- WHAT'S THAT?
WHO DID THAT?
HOLD MY PURSE?
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS ON THIS.
>> THANK YOU.
>> Stephen: YOU GOT YOUR STAR ON THE WALK OF FAME IN
HOLLYWOOD.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT'S AMAZING.
CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER.
SO, PEOPLE WILL OFTEN, LIKE, LEAVE THINGS ON PEOPLE'S STARS,
RITUALS.
DO YOU WANT PEOPLE TO WALK OVER IT OR AROUND IT --
>> I WANT PEOPLE TO WALK AROUND IT, WALK, LOOK AT IT, BECAUSE
IT'S A LONG NAME.
SO DON'T WALK ON IT AND CUT ME OFF, AND BE ED THE ENTERTAINER
OR STUFF LIKE THAT.
AND IF THEY LIVE ANYTHING, SMALL LITTLE CUTE HATS, PUT IT RIGHT
ON TOP OF THERE.
THAT'S MY KIND OF CUTE, MAN.
>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT IT'S A LOT OF PRESSURE
TO PUT ON YOURSELF TO CALL YOURSELF THE ENTERTAINER,
BECAUSE IF YOU'RE ENTERTAINING EVERY MINUTE, THEY'RE, LIKE, ARE
YOU OKAY?
>> ON PLANES, PEOPLE ARE, LIKE, DO SOMETHING.
I'M LIKE, WE'RE BUCKLED IN RIGHT NOW, I CAN'T DO A DANCE NUMBER
OR I WOULD.
BECAUSE I'M NOT LIKE A JOKE COMEDIAN.
I'M MORE, LIKE, PERFORMANCE.
YOU'VE GOT TO BE THERE.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE GO, MAKE ME LAUGH.
>> YEAH, DO THE THING, PUSH THE BUTTON AND MAKE ME LAUGH.
I DON'T HAVE THOSE.
>> Stephen: I ONCE HAD AN ACTOR COME UP TO ME AT THE
EMMYS, A PRETTY FAMOUS ACTOR, HE SAID, YOU'RE FUNNY, MAKE ME
LAUGH.
I SAID, YOU'RE VERY DRAMATIC, MAKE ME CRY.
>> YEAH, YEAH.
THAT CAN HAPPEN, THOUGH.
>> Stephen: AND WE WERE, LIKE, NEXT TO EACH OTHER IN THE
BATHROOM.
>> WERE Y'ALL LAUGHING AND CRYING AT THE SAME TIME?
>> Stephen: YEAH, WE WERE HOLDING IT, I THINK, WAS MAKING
US LAUGH AND CRY.
( LAUGHTER ) YOU STARTED AS AN INSURANCE
ADJUSTOR?
>> I WAS WITH STATE FARM.
>> Stephen: THAT'S A FUNNY JOB.
WHAT'S THAT LIKE?
PEOPLE COME TO YOU WHEN TERRIBLE THINGS HAVE HAPPENED IN YOUR
LIVES.
HELLO, CAN I SPEAK TO MR. ENTERTAINER?
MY CAR IS ON FIRE.
WHAT IS THAT LIKE TO BE THE PERSON THEY HAVE TO COME TO?
>> I WAS A SPECIALIST.
I WAS THERE BECAUSE I SPOKE REGULAR ENGLISH AND ANGRY NEGRO.
( LAUGHTER ) BLACK PEOPLE LIKE TO THREATEN
PEOPLE, LIKE, I'LL BLOW THIS BUILDING UP!
YOU KNOW, I'M, LIKE, WE CAN'T GET DYNAMITE, STEVE.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: WHAT COMPANY WAS
IT?
>> STATE FARM.
♪ LIKE A GOOD NEIGHBOR ♪ ♪ STATE FARM IS THERE ♪
SO THEY WOULD THREATEN?
>> I WOULD BE LIKE, HEY!
PEOPLE WOULD SAY, CEDRIC!
AND I WOULD JUST SHOW UP.
THAT WAS A NEW COMMERCIAL.
>> Stephen: YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL WHAT NEIGHBORHOOD YOU DO
THAT IN.
>> OH, MAN, I WOULD SCARE PEOPLE TO DEATH IF I SHOWED UP IN
CERTAIN NEIGHBORHOODS.
>> Stephen: WELL, THE SHOW IS CALLED "THE NEIGHBORHOOD."
>> YES.
>> Stephen: TELL ME ABOUT THE SHOW.
>> THE SHOW IS I PLAY CALVIN BUTLER, I'M THE PATRIARCH OF AN
HISTORICALLY AFRICAN-AMERICAN NEIGHBORHOOD, AND THEN A WHITE
FAMILY MOVES IN -- SCARY.
( LAUGHTER ) ( KNOCKING )
>> HOW DO I LOOK.
ANDSOME AS EVER, BABY.
EY THERE!
HELLO.
( LAUGHTER ) WE'RE LOOKING FOR THE JOHNSONS.
>> YOU FOUND THEM.
DAVE JOHNSON.
NICE TO SEE YOU.
>> TAKE A STEP BACK!
I'M TINA.
MY HUSBAND IS CALVIN.
WE'RE THE BUTLERS.
>> Stephen: PEOPLE LIKE IT.
( APPLAUSE ) GOOD TO SEE YOU.
WELCOME TO CBS "THE NEIGHBORHOOD"
PREMIERES MONDAY AT 8:00 ON CBS.
CEDRIC THE ENTERTAINER, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK--
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )