[typing]
You know, you could probably sum up each of the previous Sims 3 expansion packs
with one word, if you really try.
Puzzles.
Terrorism.
Skyscrapers.
Creepy.
Cocaine.
Wub-wub-wub.
Hypothermia.
And now:
streaking.
Aw, yeah, it's about friggin' time!
The Sims 3 University is finally here.
Well, University "Life,"
so as not to confuse it with The Sims 2 University,
though you still could confuse it with The Sims 2: University Life Collection.
But don't. Because it's not. It's The Sims 3!
And that means it's totally not just a rehash that they had to do
to prevent the fans from revolting until the end of time.
"Experience the excitement of university."
Keg parties, making out, sleeping through class,
and experimentation with strange new activities and social groups.
Well, that's just–heh...
A-actually, that sounds about right.
Oh, yeah, and books and studying, too,
as implied by this over-simplified loading screen
featuring stenciled textbook binders and an orange-to-green color gradient
that makes me think of mangos.
Once you start the game up, just choose an old neighborhood or begin a new one,
since you don't get a new town in this expansion.
Well, not exactly, since you get Sims University,
a college campus that's accessible from any existing town.
If you have Sims aged young adult or older,
the university's llama mascot will show up uninvited
bearing gifts with school logos
as well as an aptitude test for your Sims to take.
If your Sims did well enough in high school,
or have other qualifications,
they may earn a scholarship
or something awesome like that.
If not, whatever. You can just use any phone or computer and sign up for college.
There are six majors to choose from:
Communications, Business, Science and Medicine,
Technology, Physical Education, and Fine Arts.
Each can provide appropriate career and lifestyle opportunities
if you happen to earn a degree in it,
which is kind of the goal.
Choose your destiny,
and you're off to Sims University
by way of a moving truck
and a lengthy loading screen.
You can think of going off to college as similar
to how Sims visit other countries in the World Adventures expansion pack.
So, you leave your town in limbo and head to a standalone area
that's entirely separate from the regular neighborhood experience.
You won't be getting any visitors or anything,
so you better hope you got your physical contact quota in before you left.
Sims U is a pretty sweet-looking little campus
with several living accommodations to choose from,
depending on your preferences and wallet fatness.
You'll probably want to grab a dormitory at first,
though if you've got the cash, you can just go for a nicer apartment.
Or there are fraternities and sororities,
if you feel like dealing with excess pranks and shenanigans.
Once you've claimed a room,
poked around and made snap judgments
about which of your roommates you're totally going to hate in two weeks time,
there's a meet and greet at the student union,
where you're free to greet... and meet...
the union of students.
Go ahead and grab some refreshments, play some ping-pong,
stand awkwardly in a corner,
or make fun of the school llama's painting skills.
Haha, he doesn't have real hands!
Then you're free to do whatever the nuts you want.
From frolicking around campus naked
to frolicking around your dorm naked,
to frolicking around naked people naked.
That's a lotta dongs.
Yes, it seems like everyone publicly exposes themselves
at some point in University Life,
and no one really seems to care.
And I never ran across any serious consequences,
so everyone does it,
and it becomes so commonplace that it loses its effect.
One might think that a bunch of young, fit Sims
flaunting their birthday suits would never get old.
But when you've had a long day and just want to eat your Ramen noodles in peace,
it wouldn't matter if it were Ryan Reynolds and Mila Kunis running around.
Okay, it might. But, you get my drift.
And if after all that, your Sim still hasn't gotten enough exhibitionism in around campus,
they can get *paid* to show themselves off
by posing nude for art classes.
But other than sporadic naturism,
most of a Sim's time is spent doing the stuff
they would normally do in The Sims 3.
Eating, sleeping, crapping,
socializing, woohoo-ing, setting on fire.
The difference here is that you're living in closer proximity to other Sims
and you have that whole "higher education" thing to worry about.
Instead of a town, you've got a college campus.
Instead of a job, you've got classes.
So it's a bit like playing a more condensed version of the main game,
just with *slightly* less responsibilities
and a bit more freeform debauchery.
Anyway, the driving forces behind everything here –
at least, in theory –
are the classes themselves.
You've got a schedule to keep up with,
so planning ahead is pretty vital to actually earning a degree.
Though, this being The Sims, that's entirely optional.
Once it's time for one to start,
just throw your Sim in that direction,
watch them frantically try to get there in time,
and they'll enter whatever rabbit hole pertains to their class.
And, yes, classes are just rabbit holes here, which kinda sucks.
You can at least choose what they do in class, just like you can with jobs,
so things like working harder, sucking up, sleeping,
and even cheating on a test are available.
You do have other class-related activities that are a bit more hands-on, though.
Like lectures.
Which are... actually pretty boring,
so maybe it's *not* so bad that we can't see
the actual classes happening after all.
You also have some items that help your Sim out with their major
and any required skills,
and these are given to them free of charge on arrival.
Communications majors get a mobile radio station.
Business gets a business planner made by Tony Stark.
Science and Physical Education get a robotic skeleton of some kind.
Technology gets a sci-fi brain enhancement machine.
And Fine Arts gets a Plain Jane sketchbook,
ripe for producing artwork that possibly tries too hard.
While these are nice to have,
and definitely help your Sims get a jumpstart on some useful skills,
it looks friggin' ridiculous when you see Sims all over town
just whip out their toys and start piddling away at random.
Of course, that's not the *only* way to get ahead,
since there's this thing called "studying."
This consists of staring at words long enough to drive you insane,
although it can be remedied somewhat by studying in groups,
since misery loves company.
Actually, it's quite possible your Sim will *love* studying,
but of course that depends on the Sim
and possibly how lacking they are in social adeptness.
What it comes down to should be pretty obvious:
study hard, apply yourself, and reap the rewards
in the form of GPA, dean's list and decreased party time.
It normally takes about 16 Sim days to get a degree
and you can't adjust this in the options or anything,
so it's not a quick task.
But once it's all over, your Sims will have a jumpstart on life
ready to head back to the real world
with a fancy sheet of paper that is no guarantee of a job whatsoever,
but is probably better than not having one, probably.
You know, it's actually quite somber,
returning to the harsh reality of Sim life
after all that dicking around and drinking.
I mean, where do you go? What do you do?
How are you gonna pay for things now
and provide for people you care about?
And is it worth taking a soulless career
just for a solid bank account?
What's it all really for?
And why are we here anyway? [wind blowing]
[sigh] I miss my friends. If only I realized how good I had it at the time.
[wind blows louder]
But that's getting incredibly disheartening
and a little too close to home,
so back to the streakers and beer pong!
Yes, in addition to the old bars,
you've got new ways to drink and be merry now.
Although the stuff is still just called "juice"
for ratings reasons.
You've got kegs and kegger parties,
which can be used normally,
or can be used to perform the always amusing keg stand.
You also get bonfires and bonfire parties,
which combined with kegs and a deleterious nature
make for interesting times indeed.
Sims can not only poke the fire and add logs to it,
but they can throw things in there that cause it to flare up
and arouse budding arsonists.
And if you have the limited edition of the pack,
you get to enjoy masquerade parties
and Delta-approved toga parties.
Because college!
Now what you *do* at these parties,
or really any other time,
can have notable consequences around campus.
Not only do you have to worry about gaining a certain reputation,
but you now have three social groups
that your Sim can end up a part of:
the Jocks, the Nerds, and the Rebels.
You're going to end up affiliated with *some* part of these social groups
no matter what, so listen up!
Jocks.
They're your classic dude-bros.
They play to win. They work out.
They got passion in their pants and they ain't afraid to show it.
They're sexy *and* they know it.
You'll often find them with a red Solo cup in hand one minute,
and a ball or Frisbee in hand the next.
They're also more likely to throw out-of-control parties
and join a university sports team,
all while trying to one-up each other in an endless charade
of bro-fisting and rabid school pride.
[Simlish megaphone yelling]
While jocks even lift,
Nerds are all about working out the brain.
If it's technical, scientific, logical,
or arguably trivial, they're bound to be on the scent.
You'll often find them wandering around the local comic book shop
which features all sorts of geekery,
from graphic novels to books to computer and arcade games.
It's also not uncommon to see them putting in extra hours at the science labs,
where various high-end equipment is available
for throwing science at the wall and seeing what sticks.
They may not always be the most sociable Sims around,
but chances are you'll end up working for one of them one day,
so it's not a bad idea to befriend a few.
Then you've got the Rebels,
which aren't necessarily as rebellious as you might think.
This group encompasses everything from artists
to hipsters to punks
to those that just like to live a little differently from the rest.
They like to display their individuality
by grouping together at hangouts like The Grotto,
where they can organize protests and talk about talking
about talking and...
wh-what does it all really matter, man?
Some are just fine whiling away the hours painting on canvas.
Others are more inclined to pick up a [Banksy] street art kit
and make the *world* their canvas.
Yes, even if that means being taken down by The Man,
because the rest an excuse to grab their soap box and megaphone
and speak out against all that is authoritarian and mainstream.
They're also fine with opening their minds
and ingesting some nifty things,
like organic coffees, exotic teas,
and even growing and collecting various herbs.
Yeah, dude, you haven't seen life for all it is
until you've at least tried Buzzberry, Bumbleleaf and Wonderpetals, man.
Also, dumpster diving,
because waste not, want not.
And you probably already stink.
Naturally, there is some crossover between all of these social groups,
but stinking to one to max out your influence in said group
is highly advantageous,
since you can unlock new career opportunities out of college by following them.
Jocks can become a sports agent,
Nerds a video game developer,
and Rebels an art appraiser.
But of course, what would all these new social groups be
without some appropriate attire to properly stereotype them from the crowd?
University Life comes with six hairstyles for women,
five hairstyles for men,
a couple dozen clothing items and outfits,
a few shoes and accessories for each gender,
as well as a handful of new tattoos and facial hair options.
And, like, one or two random things for children and toddlers because why the crap not?
You get some new Lifetime Wishes too,
along with traits that have been added to further flesh out social groups,
with Irresistible, Socially Awkward, and Avant Garde.
And I'm sure you can guess which is which.
Beyond this, Uni Life introduces a slew of
other new tweaks, objects and activities.
With the campus being a haven for young Sims gushing with hormones,
romantic interactions have now been increased.
Take more chances than ever with the Catch of the Day,
with a Heat of the Moment Kiss,
Cinnamon Kiss, Juiced Kiss,
Romantic Shot Cell Phone Shot Kiss and more.
Frick, find a way into the frat house or sorority,
play your cards right,
and chances are you'll end up getting lucky
just because you're there and have a pulse.
And do it again the next night!
And the next.
And the next, because University is your orchard,
and the fruit is ripe for the picking.
You get a new place to do it as well:
the fold-out Murphy bed,
returning from The Sims 2: Apartment Life.
Though if you're unlucky, it may just team up with gravity and murder you.
Also a risk are the new vending machines
which may look bright and cheery and full of candy,
but are actually quite heavy and homicidal, so beware.
Another place Sims can grab some balls is the bowling alley,
which makes a prime dating spot,
as well as place to get owned by The Jesus.
Though, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.
If you want some more ways to brag about your perfect 300 game,
this expansion's got you covered
with an array of new social networking options for Sims.
The old dumb phone has been upgraded to a smartphone,
complete with texting, web browsing, video streaming, blogging,
extra photography options, ringtones, skins, and more.
In fact, there's a new social networking skill to go along with it,
so your Sim can totally become the next big mouth with a keyboard in no time.
And you also get a bunch of extra Build and Buy Mode options
that are more or less appropriate for college life.
Everything from Hacky Sacks to whiteboards,
beat-up chairs to new variations on old electronics.
And lastly, you get a new Life State
with the return of Plant Sims.
These are brought about by contracting Botanitis Minorous in some way,
like volunteering as a science test subject
or using gene splicing to discover forbidden fruit.
Yeah, Plant Sims, they're odd creatures.
And as you might imagine, they're plants.
They don't need food, but they do need water
and they can absorb water from their surroundings
and even photosynthesize to regain energy.
They also have some unique interactions like special romantic options
and the ability to temporarily poison other Sims.
Being a plant also makes things a bit odd when they give flowers to each other,
since that seems kind of like the equivalent of giving another human being
a finger or an earlobe or something.
Freakin' freaks!
So is The Sims 3: University Life worth buying?
Well, here's the price:
40 US dollars, same as previously.
And like all previous expansions, there's really quite a lot on offer here.
And of course it comes down to whether or not this matches up with your play style.
Personally, the more this game mimics real life while staying entertaining, the better.
And as such, I think it's pretty awesome.
While it reminds me of the premise of World Adventures
with your Sims temporarily going off to another land
in search of new experiences and the like,
it doesn't change around the game formula substantially
like World Adventures did.
University Life basically gives you a cut-down version of adulthood in a more controlled environment,
which is what it comes down to in real life as well.
Of course, your Sims can still do quite well in life
without attending the university at all,
which is good, because it makes all of this optional.
And I like me some optional options.
So, yes, if you ask me, University Life is worth grabbing
if you find the price agreeable
and you want a fun new stage in life for your Sims.
And if you don't,
well, I guess you could always take up streaking.