Things are better.
The world is better.
Just because there's not a war doesn't mean there's peace.
Ugh. See, Raven, this is why you should stay in school.
Some call him... Apocalypse.
Most call him Tom. But never to his face.
Too good looking to be evil, hm?
For thousands of years he's been crowd-funding,
- amassing almost 200 dollars in cash. - Cheers.
He always had four followers.
Like the four horsemen.
More like the Backstreet Boys.
♪ Everybod-ay, yeah...
♪ Apocalypse is back - Alright!
♪ Hey-yay-yeah... ow...
♪ I'm a god and I'm back again!
Everything they've built... will fall!
(AUSTRALIAN VOICE) Chaz, how much d'ya spend on them opera tickets?
And from the ashes of their world,
we'll build a better one!
Magneto, take that pile of ash beside you and build me a better Eiffel Tower!
But make it blue and sparkly and twice as high!
Starting to regret signing up to be a Horseman.
I've never felt power like this before.
Five independent blades, working in harmony to give me the closest shave I've ever ex--
Well...
It had to happen eventually.
Woah, Apocalypse!
I... was just trying to give you a friendly fist-bump.
DAAAARGH! I can't feel my legs!
Not that that's anything new.
The world needs the X-Men.
- And women. - And women.
I'm not a hero.
The students look up to you.
Well... apart from that guy.
Hey, Hunger Games, where's your bow?
If I'm going to teach your kids something,
I'm going to teach them how to dress like a prostitute.
Speaking of whores,
Magneto... He's my father.
What?
- Him and my mom, they did it-- - No, I know.
- Well, first they did a little-- - I get it.
- And then they did a little-- - OK, enough.
- And then they did a lotta-- - Gross! Stop!
- And don't get me started on the-- - Not another word.
You and I actually made out once.
You probably don't remember - it was really fast.
Not all of us can control our powers.
Then don't.
I'd like to revise my earlier statement.
Apocalypse means to destroy this world.
How did I not see this coming? It was all right there in the name!!
Shit, that was my mom's car.
Did you just put a sword between my toes?!
Now it's personal!
Forget everything you think you know.
None of that matters.
I know how to defeat Apocalypse.
Forget it. Wait - What did you say?
I can't remember - you told me to forget it.
Shit!
I'm a really bad teacher.
I'll take everything from them
and only pay cost price.
You're not students anymore.
Oh shiiiiiit!
You're alumni.
[GPS] Turn left into supernatural sandstorm.
Well you've been busy.
We had a... little help.
That's right, bub. It's none other than...
Knife Knuckle Man!
A lesser known mutant hero, but a hell of a lot cheaper than Hugh Jackman!
You suck, Knife Knuckle Man!
♪ Everybod-ay, yeah
♪ Dress up gaud-ay, yeah
♪ Everybod-ay, yeah, take it from an acolyte
♪ Apocalypse is back - Alright!
♪ Hey-yay-yeah... ow...
♪ I'm a god and I'm back again
♪ Got no brothers or sisters but I got four friends
♪ Gonna bring the evil, show you how
♪ And baby, Armageddon pretty freaky now (Yeah-yeah-yeah!)
♪ I'm the original (Yeah!)
♪ But not the only one! (Yeah!)
♪ I'm bisexual! (Too much information...)
♪ And I'm everything you need if you wanna start knockin' cities down!
♪ Everybody! (Yeah!)
♪ Especially hotties! (Attractive people are encouraged to apply!)
♪ Everybody, come and join the fight! (Come and join this fight!)
♪ Apocalypse is back - Alright!