*intro music*
Sun: Hello world!
Thomas:Hii!
Sun: Marvel at my ability to shine for over four and a half billion years, destroy dark asteroids, provide you with warmth and light!
Moon: Hey everybody look, check this out!
Thomas: WOW!!
Sun: Are you serious? It's a freaking shadow. I'm casting it! Thomas: Love you moon!
Sun:Well this is stupid,
I'd cast a shadow of myself if I could. Moon: I'll help! Sun:What are you--NO!
Thomas:WOW!!!!!
Moon: See how fun it is? Sun: You're mooning me.
Thomas: You and me gotta talk about something big.
Not a lot of work was done by you.
I think I did a good job, and you did nothing. It's a problem.
We can't work as a team, and I will stand this no more!
Thomas: Hey. Friend: Hey! Thomas: Big something, you and me talk, we about gotta. Friend: What? Thomas: Not for nothing,
I think a lot of work was done by you and you did a good job! I--
Friend: Oh my gosh. Thank you so much. You didn't have to say that.
Thomas: No problem. We work as a team and will I stand?
Can't.
Friend: Then you should sit down. Yeah. See you later!
Thomas:Well that went.
Use: "Let's snuggle forever".
Friend:Yeah man, let's do it! *adorable giggling from both*
Thomas: You ever notice how our dynamic is so respectful? Things never get ugly during disagreements,
And I appreciate how we don't, like, fight over nonsense, like you often see online. It's because you're not one for stupid drama.
Joan: F*ck you! *throws chip at Thomas*
Thomas: Wha-
Thomas: You *chip eating noises* are *chip eating noises* so *chip eating noises*
ugly *chip noises* and I *more chip eating noises*
don't *chip eating noises* like
you, *even more chip eating noises*
because you're *chip eating noises(really Joan, stop eating, Thomas is complimenting you sm)*
stupid.
Joan: F*ck you! (mm whatcha sayy...)
Thomas:Wha-
Spotify: Hey Thomas! Thomas: Yes Spotify?
Spotify: We noticed you enjoyed a song that had a slightly indie folksy tune to it!
Thomas: I did that one time. Spotify: Therefore, we'd like to recommend our entire library of indie music to you, and only that.
Thomas: ...I'd rather you didn't.
Spotify: This is your life now. Enjoy!
Thomas: I mean, I have other interests than that particular--I don't like it that much--ookay, oh
-bonk-
Thomas: OH MY GO-
Mom: Hi Honey!
Thomas: ...Mom? What are you...what are you doing? Mom: It's okay.
I just heard a noise, mommy might have to battle an intruder to the death. So...
What-what's happening?
Mom: Good night! Sleep well.
Mom: WHO'S OUT THERE? BE PREPARED TO EAT COLD STEEL!
I don't know who to be more afraid of...
Dad/Patton: Hey, what did one wizard say to the other wizard who wouldn't stop hitting him with the Quaffle?
Wizard Kid: What?
Patton/Dad: Hey, Quidditch!
Wizard Kid: Oh my gosh, Dad!
Patton/Dad: You know, I think saying "Hi" more will unlock new conversations.
Wizard Kid: I don't--I don't know why you're telling me this.
Patton/Dad: All you got to do is say Aloha More-a (Alohomora).
Wizard Kid: Oh my gosh, Dad!
Patton/Dad: Listen, mister!
Wizard Kid: What? What??
Patton/Dad: Just got a call from the headmaster saying you're pranking people by sending them unwanted howlers, what is this?
Patton/Dad:You better expect-to patr-own up to your actions right now, sir.
Wizard Kid:Are you--are you still making puns right now?
Patton/Dad: That's right, I am because this is ridiculous.
Wizard Kid: Riddikulus, which is also the spell against--
Patton/Dad: The spell against Boggarts. That's right. Listen, this kind of thing can get you expelled-iarmus from school, do you want that?
Wizard Kid: Why are you still making puns?
Patton/Dad: I SAID DO YOU WANT THAT?
Wizard Kid: No! No, I don't.
Patton/Dad: Okay, then I better see some improvement soon or you're gonna be the boy who lived OUTSIDE of my house. Do you understand?
Wizard Kid: (kind of exasperatingly) Yes.
Patton/Dad: You just got Wingardium Levi-owned. Son.
Wizard Kid: Oh my gosh, dad.
Thomas: For crying out loud!
I was just watching TV, and they did this thing that I'm so sick of.
You know that cliche trope where there's like one person trying to tell another person something, but then that person interrupts them--
Valarie: I just watched this amazing scene, where this guy was trying to tell the girl something but then the girl interrupted with a statement that directly
conflicted with what the guy was going to tell her, and then she said--*dramatically takes earbud out*
"Now.
What was it you were going to tell me?"
To which he replied! "Oh...it's nothing." *finger guns*
Ahh! I love that narrative device! Now. What was it you wanted to tell me?
Thomas:Oh, it's--it's nothing.
*teeth click and awkward finger guns*
Thomas: *humming a tune* Oh, I think I'm going the wrong way, okay. Hold on.
Dominic: Are you...expecting anyone?
Friend:...No.
Dom: Somebody just pulled into our driveway.
Thomas:Oh, isn't this a lovely little house.
Friend: SHOULD I CALL THE COPS?
Dom: There's no time, lock the doors and hide!
Friend: I DON'T WANNA DIE!
Thomas: Alright, here we go.
Dom: Wait a minute.
Friend: They're gone.
Dom: Oh, we're safe!
Friend: *laughing* My God!
Thomas: Wait. I think I WAS going in the right direction. Agh! Silly me.
Dom and Friend: AAAAAAAGGGGHH!!!
Victim: Somebody help!
Thomas: We will.
Victim: Can you guys like... go faster?
Thomas: No, it's cooler this way.
Caller: There's a bank robbery downtown!
Thomas: On it.
Mugger: Give me all your money!
Joan: I've already given it all to the college that I used to go to!
Thomas: Stop fiend!
Mugger: *stabs Dom*
Dom: Ah, jeez!
Thomas: Remember everyone, if you want to sing along just follow the bouncing ball!
Thomas: GET IT!
Stop! Stop, now!
Thomas: Follow that ball!
Can you unlock the doors? *doors unlocking click sound*
There!
*gun shooting noises*
Gotcha! *grunts and struggling noises*
I got you! I got you!!
*deep exhales*
*claps*
Thomas: Marvel at my ability to shdkjflarblir--bla--blah--blah.
Joan: F*ck you! *chip is thrown and lands on Thomas's shoulder*
Thomas: Fricken hit me in the balls!
*laughter*
Valarie: To which he replied... it's nothing. *awkward finger guns*
*laughter*
Joan: F*ck you! *failed chip throwing*
Joan: F*ck you! *more failed chip throwing*
Mugger: Gimme all your money!
Joan: I left my wallet at my grandma's house!
Mugger: That's too bad!
Thomas: It's nothing. *finger guns*
Valarie: *finger guns back*
*laughter*
*laughter and failed ball catching*
Joan: You okay?
Joan: Yeah, well you're a sh*tty friend a**hole.
*slight laughter*
Joan: Yeah, well f*ck you!
*laughter*
Thomas(and pre-recorded Thomas): You ever notice how our dynamic is so respectful? Things never get ugly--*Thomas messes up*
During disagreements!
Thomas: Nothing.
*laughter*
Thomas: Hey! Friend: Hey.
Thomas: Things never gets ugly during (Pre-recorded Thomas:) --disagreements and (keeps going)
Thomas: I am gonna lose my sh*t.
Gonna lose my sh*t.