- TELL ME ABOUT YOUR ADORABLE TWINS.
WHAT ARE THEY UP TO? - THEY'RE GREAT.
- HOW OLD ARE THEY NOW? - THEY'RE FIVE.
THEY JUST TURNED FIVE IN APRIL.
AND THEY'RE DOING WONDERFUL.
BUT NOW, YOU KNOW, I'M TRYING TO--YOU KNOW, THEY'RE FIVE.
SO YOU KNOW, JUST TEACH 'EM A FEW THINGS
LIKE, HOW, YOU KNOW, HOW I WAS RAISED.
YOU KNOW, I LIKE THAT.
SO NOW WE SAY GRACE AT DINNER BEFORE--
YOU KNOW, BEFORE WE HAVE OUR MEAL.
SO WE SIT THERE AND WE SAY GRACE,
AND NOW, OLIVIA, SHE'S GOOD AT IT.
BUT AT LEAST SHE UNDERSTANDS THE CONCEPT.
YOU KNOW, SO SHE STARTS OUT, WE HOLD HANDS,
AND SHE SAYS, YOU KNOW, "THANK YOU FOR THE FOOD."
AND THEN SHE GOES OFF ABOUT, YOU KNOW,
UNICORNS AND PRINCESSES.
AND THEN SHE TALKS ABOUT HOW SHE WAS, YOU KNOW,
CAPTAIN AT SCHOOL TODAY AND THAT WAS GOOD.
I'M LIKE, "ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW,
YOU KIND OF WENT OFF TRACK THERE A LITTLE BIT, BUT OKAY."
THEN SHE GOES DOWN TO "I LOVE EVERYTHING."
YOU KNOW, "I LOVE MOMMY. I LOVE MOMMY BOO.
I LOVE"--YOU KNOW, SHE GOES TO HER GRANDMOTHERS AND EVERYTHING.
AND THEN SHE GOES, "AND THANK YOU."
AND THAT'S IT.
SO NOW HER LITTLE BROTHER,
HER TWIN IS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO US.
I'M LIKE, "OLIVIA, YOU DIDN'T SAY 'I LOVE LUCAS.'"
AND SHE GOES--
[laughter]
I'M LIKE, "OLIVIA, THAT'S NOT NICE.
YOU HAVE TO SAY YOU LOVE LUCAS TOO."
SO SHE GOES, "OKAY,
SO WE ALL HOLD HANDS, AND SHE GOES,
"AND I LOVE LUCAS TOO...
BUT JUST A LITTLE BIT."
[laughter]
- JUST MAKING SURE.
- AND IS LUCAS GOOD AT-- DOES HE SAY GRACE?
- OH, NO, NO.
HELL NO. UH-UH.
[laughter] NO.
WE CANNOT LET HIM SAY GRACE.
HE DOES NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY AT ALL, YOU KNOW.
WE KEEP TRYING,
BUT NOW I JUST BANNED HIM FROM SAYING GRACE.
'CAUSE WE'LL HOLD HANDS; HE'LL JUST DO THIS.
"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH."
I'M LIKE, "COME ON, MAN.
YOU CAN'T"--YOU KNOW?
I MEAN, WE HAD A HARSH WINTER.
WE HAS A DROUGHT OUT HERE.
YOU KNOW, I CAN'T HAVE GOD GETTING ON ME
AND PUNISH THE REST OF THE WORLD
FOR HIS DISINGENUOUS PRAYERS.
[laughter]
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, HE COULD REALLY
DESTROY SOME THINGS WITH HIS--
"BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH."
THAT'S JUST LIKE POKING GOD RIGHT IN THE EYE.
- YOU CAN'T--
[laughter]
- "BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH."
- YOU DON'T WANT TO MOCK GOD LIKE THAT.
- NO, NO, NO.
- AND ARE THEY GOOD EATERS?
- THEY'RE REALLY GOOD EATERS;
OLIVIA MORE SO THAN LUCAS.
BUT HERE'S THE THING, ELLEN.
FOR Y'ALL DON'T KNOW, MY KIDS ARE WHITE, RIGHT?
SO--YOU KNOW, SO I'M LIKE, THE MINORITY IN MY OWN HOME NOW.
I HAVE--I HAVE A HOUSE FULL OF WHITE PEOPLE.
[laughter]
I'M JUST TAKING CARE OF A BUNCH OF WHITE PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
THAT'S-- [laughter]
THAT'S-- [cheers and applause]
THAT'S ALL I DO.
CLEAN UP AFTER WHITE FOLK IN MY HOUSE.
THAT'S ALL I DO.
AND YOU KNOW, AND I'M A, YOU KNOW, A PROUD BLACK WOMAN.
I WENT TO A BLACK COLLEGE AND, YOU KNOW, IT'S--
I HAD A LOT OF BLACKNESS GROWING UP.
- RIGHT.
- AND NOW I GOT A HOUSE FULL OF WHITE PEOPLE.
YOU KNOW. - RIGHT.
- AND I'M GETTING SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW, LIKE, WHEN I VACUUM,
EVERYBODY HAS TO BE OUT THE HOUSE.
I CAN'T VACUUM IN FRONT OF THEM.
- YEAH. - NO.
[laughter]
FEELS WEIRD.
- UH-HUH. - I FEEL LIKE THE HELP.
[laughter] I CAN'T.
OOH, AND I LIKE TO HUM WHEN I VACUUM TOO,
SO I CAN'T DO THAT.
[humming]
[cheers and applause] I CAN'T--
- OH, GOD.
- BUT OLIVIA--
WELL, HERE'S THE THING WITH OLIVIA.
SO I HAVE ALL THIS THING GOING ON IN MY HEAD.
I KNOW IT'S MY OWN STUFF, RIGHT?
SO OLIVIA, SHE LOVES WATERMELON.
BUT SHE LOVES IT TO THE POINT
WHERE I FEEL LIKE SHE'S MOCKING ME.
[laughter] YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
SHE--AND HERE'S THE THING.
SHE DOESN'T WANT IT CUT UP.
NO, SHE WANTS IT RIGHT OFF THE RIND.
AND SHE JUST SITS THERE.
SHE'S LIKE-- [smacks lips]
"MMM! MMM! MMM! MMM!
THIS IS GOOD, HUH, MOMMY BOO?"
I'M LIKE, "YEAH, YEAH, THIS IS--
[laughter]
IT AIN'T THAT GOOD."
[smacking lips] "MMM! MMM! MMM! MMM!"
AND THEN SHE WANTS TO GO SIT OUTSIDE AND EAT IT.
I'M LIKE, "I'M NOT SITTING OUTSIDE WITH YOU
EATING WATERMELON."
[laughter]
I MEAN, SHE-- SHE'S CRAZY ABOUT IT.
I'M LIKE, "WHERE'S OLIVIA?"
"SHE'S SITTING OUTSIDE ON THE PORCH."
[smacking lips] "MMM! MMM! MMM! MMM!"
I'M LIKE, "WHAT? GET IN HERE."
I WAS LIKE--I'M TRYING TO GIVE HER A CANTALOUPE.
I'M LIKE, "CANTALOUPE, THAT'S OUTDOOR FRUIT.
"YOU CAN EAT A CANTALOUPE OUTDOORS.
TAKE A PEACH, SOMETHING."
- [laughs] OUTDOOR FRUIT.
WE HAVE TO TAKE A BREAK.
AS WE GO TO BREAK, I WANT TO SHOW YOU A HILARIOUS--
IT'S REALLY QUICK, IT'S A VIDEO OF A LITTLE GIRL
WHO IS-- LOVES WATERMELON AS WELL.
- OH, OKAY.
- I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN THIS.
IT'S REALLY QUICK. WE'LL GO TO BREAK.
- [slurping loudly]
[laughter]
- MMM!
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]