Oh hey everybody. Thanks to everyone who counted the number of times I said penis on last week's
Ask Cristen video about male nudity. Apologies to everyone who was disappointed that I only
said it 9.5 times, the .5 being the time I said pene. To maybe soothe some of that disappointment,
here we go, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis, penis.
Record broken!
So a Stuff Mom Never Told You fan who would like to remain anonymous wants to know, 'My
girlfriend isn't very affectionate towards me. She and I have talked about this concern,
so I don't believe it's a miscommunication. I know she loves me but she rarely shows it.
Is this healthy?' First of all ask yourself what are your needs and more importantly what
are you doing to meet them? We have a tendency to put all of our emotional eggs into the
relationship basket and that puts a lot of reliance and sometimes to the point of codependence
on that other person and that dynamic with them to give you everything that you need.
There might be some things like expanding your network of people who aren't your girlfriend
who you can talk to about certain things or different kinds of outlets that might make
you generally feel more valued and more stable and satisfied with what you are doing and
what you bring to the relationship. Next it might be helpful to consider whether you need
to broaden the acceptable definition of showing love. Everyone shows love and affection in
a little bit different kind of way. There is a chance perhaps that your girlfriend feels
like she is showing you love but just in a different way than you might expect it. I
can relate to that in my relationship with Professor Fiance. There are times when I get
extremely stressed out, I'm really busy, my mind is going a million places. I'm probably
not going to be 100% present for him and for us and that's okay because life happens but
I try to do different things to show affection through, yeah, listen, I'm a feminist, I'm
going to say it--making him sandwiches. Things that he can have and see and hold and maybe
eat that remind him that hey I'm here and I'm thinking of you and I love you. Along
those same lines think about whether your partner could actually use a little extra
space and understanding for this particular period. It's really hard if you also have
jobs, life in general and family and things going on around you to always remain 100%
honeymoon phase affectionate and loving and verbal and cognizant of the other person at
all times. That aspect can ebb and flow and it's important to be able to give your person
the space that's needed as long as there's kind of the understanding that the pendulum
will swing back. Exercising a little empathy can go a long way. Think about or directly
ask whether her emotional needs are being met, because in the same way we all that we
all show love a little bit differently, it could be that she's feeling a similar kind
of thing too even though you feel like you're communicating and you're saying I love you
all the time, that might not be the kind of love language that she responds to the most.
If you're doing all these things and you're considering all these things and you express
needs, emotional needs and you're just getting shut down or shut out continually, then I
think yeah, you're in some unhealthy territory. Working on emotional intimacy in a relationship
is not an overnight fix. Both parties have to be willing to work. If you're in a relationship
where you're just trying to compensate for the both of you, you're only going to be stirring
up your own anxiety and your own codependence and probably driving that distant person a
little farther out in the horizon and I know that because I've been in relationships where
I've tried to do that and it's always a disaster. So the too long; didn't read version of how
to deal with an unaffectionate or distant boyfriend/girlfriend is to be able to be honest
with that person about how you're feeling but first be honest with yourself. Sometimes
in relationships we are not meeting our own needs. And if it's still not working, you
don't have to stay. Now I want to know what your advice is, how do you deal with an emotionally
distant person and emotionally distant people who aren't super-duper affectionate watching
please let me know your insights on this in the comments below. Thanks to everybody who
commented on last week's Ask Cristen video 'Why is Male Nudity Taboo?' Crazykenna said,
'There's a lot more scenes in film of women being seen in private moments (showers, locker
rooms, skinny dipping, ect) than men and when women are exposed against their will it is
expected that the audience will still be excited. Imagine if Janet Jackson had ripped off the
front of Justin Timberlake's pants to reveal his penis instead of Justin exposing her breast.'
Caldehh commented, 'In my drawing class I have noticed that yeah everyone is down for
drawing the girls but no male subjects. A fellow student that is gay loves to draw the
male form and incorporate it in some way. Once he went to town to draw every fold and
every hair (it was aroused and quite larger in scale) and we could barely "look it in
the eye". It felt so in your face.' Oh male nudity. So terrifying. Just kidding. And ask
me your questions so I can you some answers. That was a fake mustache.