-Welcome, welcome, welcome, to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. You're watching at home.
Thank you very much.
[ Cheers and applause ] Very excited.
Very exciting here in the building.
The one and only Serena Williams is my guest tonight!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
All day, my staff was like,
"I can't believe the greatest of all time is here."
And I said, "Thanks, but tonight is about Serena."
[ Laughter ]
Serena Williams and I have so much in common.
She wrote a children's book. I wrote a children's book.
She's a sports legend, role model, and a fashion icon.
I wrote a children's book. You know.
Last month, Serena announced
that she's evolving away from tennis.
But if we're lucky, she'll pull a Tom Brady
and evolve right back in three weeks.
What do you say, huh? Can we get her to do it?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Have her announce on the show tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Let's get to some news.
Well, people are talking about this.
On Sunday, former president Trump was spotted in DC,
but nobody knew why he was there.
And then yesterday, he was seen at his Virginia golf course
with a big group of people, but they weren't playing golf.
[ Audience oohs ] They were just touring
around the course talking.
Here's a photo. Yeah.
Looks like backstage at a fashion show for Marshall's.
Look at that.
Very diverse group.
They had polo shirts of every color.
They really -- Trump was like,
"So, I think I buried the documents somewhere around here.
So start -- start diggin', boys!"
Yeah, Trump was smart.
He was like, "How about nine of us meet on the green
with no clubs so it doesn't look suspicious?"
Speaking of the former president,
I read that the National Archives still doesn't know
whether they have all of the presidential records
that Trump took from the White House.
Amazing. Somehow my library knows
I've had a copy of "Goodnight Moon" for 40 years,
but we still can't track down these documents.
Where are these documents?
How did they even find my address?
[ Applause ]
Well, some news from the UK.
King Charles is still adjusting to his new role.
And yesterday, we showed a clip of him
getting angry over some extra pens on his desk.
In case you missed it, here's the clip.
Look at this. Yeah.
Ehh!
[ Laughter ]
Ehh!
He was not happy.
Let's check in to see if things have gotten better for him.
By the way, this is real. This is a clip from today.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
If this were baseball, Prince William would already
be warming up in the bullpen. You know what I'm talking about?
He's like, "Alright."
Everyone was quickly like, "It's okay, Your Majesty.
Pens are hard."
[ Laughter ]
Writing the wrong date, pens leaking on him.
Honestly, royalty has never been more relatable.
Hey, get this.
I saw that due to Russia's invasion of Ukraine,
Vladimir Putin will not be invited to the Queen's funeral.
Apparently, Putin is okay with it.
He was afraid he was going to sit next
to that raging lunatic, King Charles.
[as Putin] "He doesn't like pens.
Keep the pens away from him."
But Putin said he'll still be there in spirit...
and in a tiny recording device in the bouquet.
[ Laughter ]
Switching gears, Apple just released a new software update
that lets you edit and unsend messages.
Yeah, and this is nice -- after your third time
editing a message, you get a notification that says,
"You're drunk. Go to bed."
Some more business news.
Peloton's been having a tough year,
and they just announced that their co-founders
are leaving the company.
It was time for a change.
Peloton's been stationary for too long.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
I love ya.
The Peloton co-founders would have left sooner,
but they couldn't unclip their shoes.
[ Laughter ]
"Gosh. Why am I..."
Of course, since it's Peloton,
they're not getting rid of their founders.
They're just gonna push them to the corner of the room
and use them as a coat rack. Hey, did you guys see this?
A Starbucks canned beverage has been recalled in seven states
because they could contain metal fragments.
Or as Starbucks put it, "Now introducing tetanus spice!"
On the plus side,
the jagged metal pieces really do wake you up.
Well, this is going viral.
A Ryanair passenger tweeted at the airline
complaining that she paid for a window seat
and didn't get one.
And here's the photo that she tweeted.
Alright.
[ Laughter ]
And here's Ryanair's response. This is real.
[ Laughter ] "You want a window?
You want to talk -- You wanna play window game?
You wanna play window?"
[ Applause ]
Meanwhile, if you ask for a window seat on Spirit Airlines,
they give you a drill and some Saran wrap.
They go, "Oh, just go for it."
Hey, I heard about a woman who was fined $1,000
for trying to smuggle 50 wheels of cheese
across the border into the US.
Oh, this joke is gonna get me thrown out of the building.
Are you ready? -Yeah.
-50 wheels of cheese. They fined her.
Okay. Drum roll, I guess.
[ Drum roll ]
They gave her a $1,000 fine and said,
"Never fondue it again."
That's it. That's all. We got it.
-Get out! Get outta here!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[British accent] These pens! Ah! These bloody things!
[ Laughter ]
Guys, finally it is Tuesday. It's time for "WeTweet."
Here we go.
-♪ WeTweet ♪
♪ WeTweet ♪
-Welcome to "WeTweet."
This is where we, as a group,
decide something that we should post on Twitter.
I'm going to show you five different tweets,
and we're all going to vote on
whether you like each one or not.
You all have your voting clickers at your seats.
You can all vote -- Yeah.
That's probably yours, yeah.
[ Laughter ] You can vote for all of them.
You can vote for none of them.
Whatever you want. I just want you to have fun.
We're going to see the results live.
Tariq, Roots?
Tariq, you have your clicker?
-Yeah, I'm done already, thanks.
-No, no, we didn't even start --
We didn't even start the game yet.
-Wait, what? -We didn't start the game yet.
Don't vote on Tariq's -- -Can you unvote?
-No, you can't unvote either, no.
Whatever tweet gets the most likes,
we will tweet it out live on the show on a commercial break
so you can all like it and "wetweet" it.
[ Audience ahs ] Yeah, it's a shared experience.
You guys ready for this?
[ Cheers ]
Our first tweet is...
[ Laughter ]
-I didn't like that one. -You didn't like it?
-Nope. -I think it's alright.
I mean, I kind of get it. -I dig it.
-You dig it?
Alright. The votes are in.
Let's see the results here.
Ooh. Wow. [ Sad tuba ]
Very honest audience.
They did not enjoy that one.
[ Laughter ] They did not like that one.
It's okay. We have a couple more.
Here we go.
-We're warming up. -Yeah, we're warming up.
This next one is...
-Thinker.
-I can tell by people's eyes that they're saying, "No."
[ Laughter ] They're masked.
And they're just looking at me like --
[ Laughter ]
I can tell they pressed no.
I'm going to say this one is --
What was the last one, how many no's?
76 likes?
So I'm going to say this one is probably
in the 150 range of "no."
[ Laughter ] -Ah.
-This might be one of the worst ones ever.
Let's see the results.
[ Sad tuba ] Yeah. Very close. I felt it.
I knew it. I could tell.
They looked at me like, "No, Jimmy, not going to do it.
I'm going to let you drown a little bit, then I'll save you."
I go, "Alright, teach me a lesson."
How about this next one here?
-Yes, you do. You know you do.
-I do, but is that more fact than it is funny?
-It's a fun fact.
-I always start at chapter four.
-What? -I don't want to hear
about their childhood, and when they discovered music.
-I don't want to hear about that either.
"My mom was born --" I go, "Hey, if I want to read
about your mom, I would get her biography."
[ Laughter ]
I think we're riding this train together.
And I think that we're 50/50 on this.
I think we're split down the middle, if I'm being nice.
Let's see the results.
What?
I feel like I don't know you anymore.
What happened to us?
We had something.
-Wait, you didn't want them to like that?
-No, I like that they liked it.
I just didn't expect them to like it.
I liked it.
I mean, we both did the same thing.
I just thought the numbers would be more even.
This one's pretty good.
What do you think about this one before I say it?
-Hated it. [ Laughter ]
-Next up...
-I always say that. -Oh.
Why not, man?
I don't know if I'm happy, but just do it,
and you probably end up happy.
I think this one's up there. -This is the winner.
-The winner? The last one was pretty good too.
I think this one is going to be the winner.
Let's see the results on this one right here.
Oh, yeah! [ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one.
But this last one is pretty good, too.
But that one's going to be the winner, I think.
But this last one's good. Check this one out.
[ Laughter ]
I mean, it kind of just goes in the floor.
The floor eats it.
-You find it months later. -You find it years later.
Dried.
"Honey, did you drop this bead?" -Right.
-Yeah, I liked that one but I don't know if it's gonna be --
What was the last record?
-184. -184.
It's got to beat 184. It's gotta be a good one.
I don't know if it's going to happen.
Let's see the results.
No. It did not win!
[ Dinging ] It was high, but did not win.
The winner was tweet number four.
[ Dinging ]
You should still clap your hands just in case.
I will post this during the commercial break.
If you see it on your feed,
give it a like, give it a wetweet.
Why not? Enjoy.