At least 4% of men deal with delayed ejaculation. And that
means that they're not able to exactly when and how they want
to. But actually a ton of men, both my one on one clients, and
the men in my membership program tell me that they deal with
delayed ejaculation on a frequent basis. So I actually
think that that 4% Number is way under estimating a problem that
is growing in size and in percentage of men who are
affected. And if that is you, if you are in the at least 4% maybe
more of men who deal with delayed ejaculation Fret not
because I am going to in this video, I explain to you
everything that you need to know to begin to tackle this
mysterious and rather under discussed problem that affects a
lot, a lot of men who am I to be talking about this? Hi, I'm
Caitlin V, your sex and relationship coach and I am an
expert in men's sexuality. And that's a good thing because even
us experts in men's sexuality, and most of the researchers who
are doing work on delayed ejaculation admit that they
actually do not know what causes it. And most of them are left
without much of a clue as to how to actually treat it. And that's
true for doctors, neurologists, sex therapists, of which I am
none of the above what I am is a sex coach. One of the things
that that actually gives me a lot of ability to do though, is
to speak to you from outside of those sort of standard
definitions and treatments. And I'm just going to share with you
what I have found from my work with literally hundreds now
1000s of clients and customers who I have helped to improve
their sex, and relationships. So in this video, what it is, how
to work with it. And some advice for both the guys and the
partners out there who are suffering, not knowing what the
heck is going on, let's come up with just a baseline definition
so that we know what we're working with here. delayed
ejaculation is the frequent inability to ejaculate when and
how you want for my purposes, it's not about one out of every
four times or one out of every two times or one out of every
six times. It's actually what bothers you. So if it's
inhibiting your sex life, if it's getting in the way of your
quality of your sex life or your romantic relationship, then
we're going to consider it enough of an issue that it
deserves attention. And therefore, it's something that
can be looked at and affected. Now, I will say that it is
important to know that some guys don't ejaculate every single
time that they have sex or they masturbate. And in fact, I would
say probably all guys, from time to time, don't get hard when
they want to finish sooner than they want to, or don't ejaculate
when they want to. But it should not be the majority of the time
for any of those things. If it's starting to be the majority. If
it's more than one out of every two times, then it is a problem.
And you should definitely take that into consideration and do
some things about it because you deserve it. Because you deserve
to have a great sex life. One of the most common things that I
hear from female partners is and my guys come to me and say their
wives and girlfriends are saying to them is that it's about being
attracted to her. And I want to just set the record straight
right now, it is not about that. It's not about whether or not
he's attracted to you, it may have a lot of different causes.
I'll talk about that in just a second. But I feel like it's
important for us to address that upfront. Don't worry, his
ability to ejaculate, and the amount of traction that he feels
for you are two completely different things. They may have
things in common. But if he's telling you that they don't,
they probably don't. Why are we talking about delayed
ejaculation? Well, it can be a huge source of stress inside of
relationship. Most of us enjoy reaching orgasm, and men enjoy
ejaculating. And so when you're not able to calculate it can
feel like you really don't get closure, you don't get finality,
your sexual experience really isn't over you to kind of just
say that it's over or, you know, for many of my clients, like the
female partner just like taps out, like she doesn't want to
have sex anymore. She's good, she's complete. And that can be
really distressing for both parties. The other reason we
need to talk about it is that it's on the rise. So I'm
noticing as a coach that younger and younger men are coming to me
with higher and higher rates of delayed ejaculation. And I
actually think that this is caused by porn. So younger men,
especially men under the age of 30, are increasingly exposed to
Internet porn and a super wide variety of really intense visual
sexual stimulus from an earlier an earlier age. And when you
actually get your body and your orgasm accustomed to intense
visual stimulus in order to like get aroused and to get off or
reach ejaculation. Then when you're actually with a partner,
it can be really hard, because you're not getting that much
stimulation. Like if you are used to watching gangbang porn
or like My stepsisters stuck in a closet porn on a regular
basis. It can be really difficult to just have like
vanilla or regular intercourse with the person in front of you
and find it as arousing is because your brain is just
literally used to having you know, to 10 partners or 10
different scenes or 10, different scenarios are stuff
that your girlfriend's just like not willing to do. And that is
your baseline for arousal. So if that's you, one of the ways that
you can actually deal with delayed ejaculation is to not
watch as much porn. One of the other most common causes of
delayed ejaculation is the way that you masturbate. If you
masturbate in what's known as an idiosyncratic way, which is just
a way that is impossible for a human being to recreate with
their mouth, vagina or anus, then you may actually be getting
your body and your penis used to a specific kind of stimulus
where it requires that kind of stimulus to get off, and
therefore, you're not able to actually reach ejaculation with
a partner, because her body cannot create the like death
grip that you've been masturbating with your hands, or
with a mattress or a firm surface. If she can't recreate
that with her body, then the answer for you to reclaim your
ability to regulate is to start masturbating with something that
feels like a human body. For my guys out there who are like,
that's me, I highly recommend that you invest in a really good
water based lube, and a silicone masturbation sleeve, or
sometimes known as a pocket. This is a toy that you can use
that will actually recreate the sensation of being inside of a
body. And therefore you can begin to train yourself to be
used to those kinds of sensations to get off, and if
you're dealing with delayed ejaculation, and this is the
this is sort of like the one on one advice for those of you who
are like I tried all those, it's not working, stay with me, hang
on, we're not there yet. Try to master be less so cut off porn,
recreate what it feels like to be inside of a actual body, and
masturbate less frequently. If you're masturbating on a daily
basis. And then you go to see your partner like that night and
you already masturbated one time that day, it's going to be
harder for you to ejaculate, right? So maybe go 2448 Even 72
hours prior to your date. don't masturbate and see if you can
build up some of that erotic energy and therefore you're more
likely to be able to Jackie late with your partner. Okay, so
those are the beginner options if this is your first video
you've ever watched undeleter ejaculation if this is the first
video you've ever seen on my channel, take a second to
subscribe. There's so much more where this came from. What if
you've already tried all that though? What if you've already
cut out porn and change Lee masturbate and you're still not
able to regulate with a partner the opportunity for you and this
is going to sound so backwards, it's going to sound like the
exact opposite of what you've been doing. And maybe that's the
best indication that like what you're doing isn't working, I
want you to actually do less. One of the most common things
that I see for my guys that deal with D is that they keep piling
more and more and more sensation on top. They go harder, faster,
longer. They add vibrators, they just try to overwhelm their
penis with so much sensation that they can't possibly not
erupt. But here's the thing, what happens is that you're
actually training your nerve endings to desensitize
themselves, you're actually training them to turn off
because the more sensation that you throw at them, the less
sensitive they can be. I mean, imagine if you took a very
sensitive part of your body and just started like vigorously
rubbing it by running against it, eventually, it just goes
numb, right? It doesn't increase in sensation, it actually
decreases in sensation. And this is how I want you to approach
your genitals do less stimulate them less, but focus more on the
sensation itself. So you're actually trading your nerve
endings to be looking for and anticipating and more sensitive
to sensation instead of less so. And this reminds me if you deal
with delayed ejaculation, I want you to ask yourself, do you deal
with numbness overall? Like do you feel emotionally numb?
Are there things that you just feel numb to? Maybe there's been
some big traumas some some people passed away some
relationships ended some physical injury not to your
penis, but to yourself that caused you to deal with or to
create for yourself numbness as a way of not dealing with that
pain. If you feel emotionally numb, chances are that your dick
is going to actually respond to and reflect the way that you
feel emotionally. So if that's you then consider working with a
therapist or coach. Even better a somatic expert someone that is
trained to help you feel your body. Try slowing down, try
breathing. Try breathing before you masturbate, try using really
light sensation over and over and over again and do not expect
that you are going to be able to turn this around right away but
know that you can turn it around with time. So in summary, change
the way that you masturbate. Masturbate less, use less
sensation, not more and retrain your body to be able to feel
this is the collection of the easiest and simplest advice that
I can give you on delayed ejaculation. If you want more
help with this, I highly recommend that you join my
membership program where you can actually get help from me
directly on this and whatever else is ailing you inside of
your sexual relationship or your sex life. I would be so happy to
be there for you. I'm Caitlin V. Thank you so much for tuning in,
and I'll see you here next week.