- I've got two words for Pokemon: game over.
- Let's talk about that.
(upbeat electronic music)
Gooooood Mythical Morning.
- Today, Pokemon fans young and old alike
have a hard pill to swallow.
It is time to put down Pokemon,
and I don't mean put down the video game controller.
I mean like put it down the way my dad
put my favorite dog, Orville, down.
- Oh.
So you can picture putting down Pikachu in that way,
as cute as he is?
- Pika-who? More like Pika-why?
It's not just a video game.
It's a multimedia corporation
that's gotten too big for its cartoon britches
and wants to infiltrate your home,
make your kids dumber and steal your wife.
It's time for Rhant and Rhave with Rhett.
- You know what?
I'm here to support you and I may be the only one here.
I don't know who's clicked on this, but let's do this.
- Hopefully Pokemon lovers everywhere have clicked on this.
Well, brace yourself because I'm just gonna
rip the bandaid right off.
(Link gasps)
That's why I asked you to put that bandaid on your nipple.
- Again, I'm here to support you.
Can I keep that?
- Nope. It's on the floor.
What started as a seemingly innocent game
is now a true plague on society
designed to exploit its loyal fans
and it needs to be stopped.
I mean, let's start with the name.
It's short for pocket monster,
which sounds like something a pervert keeps in his pants.
I don't want my kids anywhere near that.
- I didn't know that.
- Now for anybody who doesn't know, and I salute you for it,
Pokemon is a Japanese video game
that was made for Nintendo's Game Boy in 1996.
Since then it has spawned a massive
global trading card game,
a TV show with over 20 seasons and 24 different movies.
The franchise has a monopoly on the entire market.
Literally, I mean, look at this.
This is Pokemon Monopoly.
- Is this what all the NFT stuff is kept in?
- Yes, that box is full of NFTs, Link.
The idea, and you can remove that now.
- Oh.
(box rattling) Okay.
I'm gonna eBay it.
- The idea behind the Pokemon universe is simple
in that humans or trainers capture Pokemon creatures
and train them to battle other Pokemon creatures.
This is basically cartoon cock fighting.
Is this what we want for our youth?
- Yeah. - Here, hold my caulk.
You probably think I'm overreacting.
Well, what if I showed you a clip
of a certified psychiatrist who agrees with me?
If you would please pull down the screen, Link.
- Okay, my pleasure.
- I'd like to show you a clip
from an NSNBC news report from 1999.
- NSNBC? - Also known as MSNBC.
Take it away, Twinkie Fingers.
- [News Reporter] But some experts say
the entire Pokemon phenomenon is the enemy.
- In my opinion, parents should not let their kids
watch Pokemon, play Pokemon, buy Pokemon cards,
have anything whatsoever to do with Pokemon
because the message is violence.
- Violence? - You hear that, Link?
A certified psychiatrist. - Lighten up, Carole.
- Oh, you got the cojones to argue
with certified psychiatrist Dr. Carole Liberman,
who says the message is violence?
- They were in an orderly line.
- Do you know the overall official catch phrase of Pokemon?
- Gotta catch 'em-
- Roll the clip Twinkle Fingies. Not so fast, Link.
♪ Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all ♪
♪ Gotta catch 'em all ♪
- [Link] Yes, gotta catch 'em all.
- [Man] Articuno, Nidorina, Beedrill,
Haunter, Squirtle, Chansey.
♪ Pokemon ♪
♪ Gotta catch 'em all, gotta catch 'em all ♪
♪ Gotta catch 'em all, Pokemon ♪
- Yeah, like I was saying, gotta catch 'em all.
- You were right, I just wanted the video to say it,
gotta catch 'em all.
And here's the thing, can you really catch 'em all?
No, it is impossible.
There are at least 898 Pokemon characters.
The greedy, shadowy business people behind Pokemon
have set its fans up for failure.
- Oh. - Because even if
you could catch all 898 of 'em,
how could they all fit inside this little red ball?
Open the ball, Link.
- [Link] Ah.
Two cents.
- Yep, that's my two cents, Link,
and if anybody else wants my two cents,
it's that 898 Pokemon characters
is exactly 897 Pokemon characters too many.
Twinkle Fingies, please show us
what 898 Pokemon characters looks like.
- Oh, am I seeing it now?
- Yeah, you're seeing it.
Whoa, whoa.
Hey, oh, oh.
Poke, hey.
I almost called you Pokemon.
I'm so confused right now.
Twinkle Fingers, are you okay?
- [Man] I'm a little shaken.
- Okay, if anybody, if any Pokemon
tries to hurt my sweet Twinkle Fingies, so help me God.
Also Link, could you please put the screen back up?
- Anything to deescalate this situation.
- If you thought over 800 characters was too much and it is,
wait till you see all the other ways big Pokemon
is pumbling its way into our lives.
Link, screen please.
- Uh...
(Link grunts)
Okay, yes, I have a job.
- I wanna get serious for a minute
and talk about the greatest threat
to humankind besides Young Sheldon.
Pokemon Go.
This was the moment that Pokemon found its way
out of the cartoon world and into our physical world.
The augmented reality game was released in 2016
and needless to say, people looking down at their phones
while hunting Pokemon characters in real life
led to some unfortunate events.
Don't believe me?
Roll it, Twinkle.
- [Man] There's a lure up here, though, I think.
- [Woman] Yeah, there's some on the bridge.
- [Man] There's some on the bridge?
- [Woman] Yeah, I heard him talking...
- [Man] I'm probably gonna go check that out.
- [Man 2] Oh yeah. Check it out?
- [Man] Wow.
(water splashing)
(Link laughs)
- [Link] He just wa&lked off the bridge?
- [Man] I didn't know that was water.
- Okay. Emergency call?
- Link, that- - Did that really happen?
- You laugh, but that guy died.
Just kidding, he was fine
after he dried out in a giant bowl of rice for a few hours.
Link, screen up, please.
- Okay.
- But the danger doesn't stop there.
Let's go back to that MSNBC news story.
Link, please, screen down.
- There could have been some streamlining to this process.
- Roll it.
- [News Reporter] School officials are finding
that Pokemon cards are responsible for fist fights
and the constant trading is not only
distracting kids from classwork,
but turning the playground into a black market
where they buy and sell rare cards.
- Okay, they didn't get footage of the fist fights
but here's what I know.
There are only two things...
Yeah, screen up, please.
There are only two things worth having a fist fight over:
the last nacho and when somebody says
"You're tall, do you play basketball?"
I just wanna punch 'em right in the...
Link, screen up, please. Oh, it's already done.
- Okay. - But that's not all.
- See?
- Pokemon ticket scalping is a real thing
and it's real dangerous.
Recently a shopper leaving a Target in Wisconsin
was attacked by three men in the parking lot
over Pokemon cards.
And truth be told, it wasn't that bad.
I mean, it was a Target fight,
which is a tad more tasteful than a Walmart fight
because Walmart fights don't end
until somebody loses an eye. - Uh huh.
- But it did lead to this.
Link, screen, please.
- I mean, it would've been nice if I could reach it
without having to like do a mini squat.
- You're getting a workout.
As you can see here, says, "To ensure the safety
of our guests and team members effective May 14th,
the following cards, including Pokemon trading cards,
will no longer be sold in stores."
- [Link] Dang.
- Now the second most shocking thing here
is that Pokemon News has a blue check mark.
Screen up, please.
(Link chuckles)
- Oh, yeah.
- Now, you know who always keeps their shelves stocked
with the merch you love?
Remember that 80s commercial where the guy-
- Down?
Up?
Down, down?
- This is the moment- - Can I just-
- Where you're selling that t-shirt you're wearing.
Focus is on the t-shirt.
- Oh, okay.
- Remember that 80s commercial where the guy
cracks an egg into a frying pan as a metaphor
for what your brain becomes
when you take mind altering substances?
- Yeah.
- Well, if you're too young, search it on YouTube.
If you did too many mind altering substances
and you forget, search it on YouTube.
If you want to tell the world
what your brain feels like when one watches Mythical,
an insanely epic and delicious sandwich,
get our newest tee at Mythical.com.
They'll probably have a lot of questions.
- Hm. - Okay, I think I've proven-
You can keep the screen up.
Don't anticipate, man.
- I don't believe you. - You can keep it up.
Don't anticipate.
I think I've proven that the Poke-lords
behind Pokemon only care about their Poke-prophets,
no matter what sort of danger or detriment
they bring upon are youth, but it gets worse
because now other companies are lining their Poke-pockets
with this dirty money.
Starbucks.
- Starbucks.
Of course.
- Released this Pokemon Go frapuccino to coin-
Don't drink it.
Coincide with the release of the game in 2016.
Did you drink it? - Well, I did.
It tastes good.
- I should have told you don't drink it.
- [Link] Is somethin' in it?
- It's a prop.
I can't, I can't attest to what's inside it.
Is it good?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
Well, if that's not gag worthy enough for you,
General Mills currently has a Pokemon cereal out
in honor of Pokemon's 25th anniversary.
- Good god, that is, this is the thickest
box of cereal I've ever seen.
- Yeah, it's square bottomed.
Poke...
Don't eat it.
- Really?
- Yeah. - I am.
- I can't attest for what's in it,
and you're actually supposed to eat it
inside one of these.
You know what they call that?
A Poke bowl.
- [Link] Well, it's a mug.
- Also, these Pokemon fruit gummies
are currently available from Betty Crocker
and who owns Betty Crocker?
General Mills.
And who is General Mills in bed with? Pikachu.
See, it's one vicious cycle- - Oh, Pikachu and Betty are-
- Hello!
Don't eat those.
Okay, not only can you put Pokemon into your body
but you can also put it onto your body
and the worst part about these products
is that they're made by poor, innocent fans.
For example, this Poke-bomb is a bath bomb
with a figurine inside it.
You can put it there in the bowl of water.
- I see that.
- Now, personally, I wouldn't put this bath bomb
anywhere near my Squirtle, if you know what I mean, but-
(Link laughs)
You can wait for the water to take its effect.
- [Link] Oh, it works.
- There's a toy inside.
I guess after a relaxing Poke-bath,
you're ready to propose to your lover
with this Pokeball ring box,
and yes, inside is a Pokemon wedding ring.
Link, screen, please.
- Oh, okay.
(Link grunts)
Ooh, you didn't buy that for me?
- Nothing says I love you like a ring
you traded 300 tickets in for at Dave and Busters.
Link, screen up, please.
And if she's crazy enough to say yes,
I guess she'll be wearing this Pikachu wedding garter
on your wedding day.
- No way.
- Don't be surprised if no one wants to catch this garter.
- All the way.
Whoop.
Okay, not all the way.
- And if the marriage goes really well,
I guess you'll be putting this Pikachu onesie on your baby.
Your baby.
- Aww.
- Pokemon is coming after our infants now.
- Shockingly cute. - But Pikachu won't be smiling
when he's covered in regurgitated sweet potatoes.
And speaking of fan made things,
would it surprise you to hear that fans
can design their own Pokemon cards?
And Link, Link. - No.
- Would you be surprised to find out there's one of us?
Screen, please?
Yeah, you knew exactly where I was going.
You're learning.
- I'm like AI.
- This is the official- - Oh, crap.
- [Rhett] Rhett and Link Pokemon card.
- [Link] This is official?
- [Rhett] I mean, it's officially-
- Our faces. - It's been made by a fan.
- Stage two. - Now as you can see,
it says stage two evolves from Links cat, Patches.
Here's the problem with that.
It's no good because Link's mom
got rid of Patches when she found out it had worms.
- [Link] That is true.
- [Rhett] Link, screen up, please.
(Link grunting)
- I just wanna say Patches, I'm sorry,
and I hate this screen! (alarm blaring)
- Oh.
Oh, no.
The Rhap up the Rhant Red Alarm.
In conclusion, although Pokemon seems like a game
with pretend characters, it has very real consequences,
dangerous consequences.
That little Pikachu you may have found a way into our homes,
our stomachs and dare I say our brains.
- Yeah. - But he will never
find a way into my heart.
Pokemon, gotta end 'em all.
- Is that it?
Well, in that case,
it's time for me to rank this rant, and you know what?
I learned some stuff. - Yeah.
You were impressive with that screen, too,
and the bandaid.
- But it doesn't top the simulation
from August of last year.
Good work.
And- - Did you get your prize?
- Not yet.
Maybe in Good Mythical More.
- Okay, thanks for subscribing and clicking that bell.
- You know what time it is?
- My name is Melina.
I'm graduating from SUNY Oneonta
and it's time to spin the Wheel of Mythicality.
- Oh!
- Congrats, girl.
- Watch yourself.
That's gonna come back down.
Click the top link to watch us
identify real Pokemon characters from fake ones
in Good Mythical More.
- And to find out where
the Wheel of Mythicality is gonna land.
- [Rhett] Watching Mythical makes your brain
epically delicious.
Let the world know with a
Your Brain On Mythical tee, available now at Mythical.com.