I feel like this subject can be misconstrued
in so many different directions, and that's
my intention in making this video. It's not wrong
or bad of you to feel how you're feeling.
My name is Ashley Wylde and welcome to my channel.
Today I want to talk about missing your ex. If you're watching this video
you have an ex who maybe you cared about
really deeply, someone you shared
a really genuine connection with, someone you were either with
for a long time, or just had very strong feelings about;
someone who maybe you still feel tenderness,
or even love toward. You miss them. You're not
with them, and
you don't want to be with them, but you till miss them.
And I think that's a major misunderstanding. A lot of people feel
like if you miss your ex it's because you want to still be with them.
They feel like if you miss your ex it's because you *should* still be with
them. I have learned through multiple trial and errors that
missing someone does not mean that you should get
back together with them. Missing someone can really really
hurt. Nostalgia is the feeling that
feels closest for me to this idea
that I'm wanting to talk about. It's this
odd sensation where this
uprising of
positive memories comes to you. Things that felt
really wonderful and good, ways that you grew
or learned with that person.
And you can still feel it and then you
at some point realize in your thought process
that that person's no longer a part of your life. And for me, that
positive uprising turns very quickly
into an aching sensation. And it's so
confusing and misleading to ache for
someone who you don't want to be with.
Maybe it's even someone you don't want in your life at all.
But yet, you're hurting about it. If you're
creative or artistic, maybe you're
still writing about it, maybe you're still painting about it,
maybe that feelings, that person, that
relationship, those ways that you changed, are still coming up
for you. And that's okay. It's okay to feel
that. It's okay to write about it. It's okay to paint it.
It's okay to photograph it. It's okay because I've found
that leaving it inside you makes it harder to get over.
Missing someone is a natural part of the
process of healing, of letting go, of moving forward.
If you miss someone, it's because you're human.
If you miss someone, it's because they meant
something. Meant. In the past.
And what they meant will likely change you,
especially if this is something that you're really struggling with. But someone
doesn't have to be in your life in the present
for the role that they played in the past to matter.
You're allowed to miss someone who you don't
have in your life anymore. And your ability to feel those
feelings and to stay in them
and to express in whatever way you need to is
going to mark how you change and you develop.
Closure, it doesn't come from another person.
Even if you were to reach out to that person and say,
"I have a lot of feelings about what went down and I'm looking for some closure
from you." A lot of times that person can't offer you anything.
Because closure actually come
from forgiving yourself.
From forgiving the other person. Inside your head.
And you don't need anybody else to do those things.
I write. And so a lot of times
I turn to writing when I find in myself
emotions that I don't yet know how to process or understand.
And what advice I would give to you is
whatever it is you do, do that. I write and I write and I write
as much and as long as it takes, in as many different
forms as I need to to try to get a feeling
out. If you think about your feelings
as water - stagnant water creates a lot of problems.
It becomes unhealthy, it grows bacteria,
mold, it becomes a cesspool.
But running water doesn't have those
same problems. Take what you're feeling and feel it.
Don't package it away, but actually sit in it.
Even if that means you have to be sad and cry about something that happened
a month or six months or a year ago. Because
sometimes you have to be sad and cry about
something that happened six months or a year ago. The way that
our emotions are processed it doesn't fall on a "logical"
or "rational" timeline. Whatever
you think you "should" be over, you're probably not
over because "should" has no place in the way
in the way that we process our feelings.
You're allowed to feel this. And you're not alone. I hope this
offered you some level of comfort
and I thank you for watching. I'll see you next Monday. Buh-Bye.
If you're hurting right now, I hope that this video
was able to help you build some solid ground on
which you can later stand firm. Thank you all for supporting
me by watching my videos
and if you think what I'm doing is really great please
consider supporting me financially on Patreon.