Every morning when the sun peeks through my blinds...
I wake up and hold my phone an inch away from my face to check Twitter, Facebook, Instagram
and Tumblr.
Being "in the loop" of these social worlds keeps us powerfully attached to our devices.
A recent poll found that American adults would rather live without a car, coffee or sex than
live without a smartphone.
So how does our relationship with technology affect our relationship with other people?
Last year a study found that excessive Facebook use is damaging towards relationships, where
higher use is correlated with a higher frequency of feelings of jealousy and Facebook-related
conflict.
Our use of technology and devices is on the rise and it does change the way couples of
all ages communicate, show affection and share special moments.
Is it for better or worse?
Or is it better and worse?
This is Emily from Blink Pop Shift.
Once our bodies are satisfied, once we have the whole food, water, sleep and safety thing
figured out our next big need is love.
We need to feel like we belong to a family, a friend group, a partnership.
But is our technological skin bringing us together or distracting us from real connection?
its not clean or easy but the real answer is that it's a bit of both.
And it means different things to different people.
How you use your smartphone depends on your attachment style in relationships.
One study found that a greater use of social network apps was positively associated with
intimacy and support for people with higher attachment anxiety.
So it's seems like there's a feedback loop.
People with more attachment anxiety in relationships alleviate this by using their phone to seek
more contact and intimacy from their partner... which leads to more of an attachment to their
partner and maybe even to their phones itself.
But personalization also contributes to our attachment.
Our handhelds become repositories of our contacts, messages and photos, of our memories.
They contain the record, a proof of love we can go back to and reread.
Because we use them tell our stories handhelds become icons of identity: emblems of social
life rather than merely an inert tool for enabling it.
And so often it's these handhelds and technology that's seen as the victim.
Mobile phone addiction ruining relationships, 9 Ways Technology Can Ruin Your Relationship,
"Technology overload" can ruin relationships: expert, How Texting Can Ruin Relationships.
Sure, higher Facebook use leads to more feelings of jealousy in relationships and Facebook-related
conflict.
But feelings aside, surely excessive bacon consumption would lead to more bacon-related
conflict and excessive Game of Thrones consumption would lead to more Game of Thrones related
conflict.
In a recent study, only 10 percent of married or committed Internet users say the Internet's
had a "major impact" on their relationship.
17 percent said it had a minor impact, and 74 percent said it had "no real impact at
all" or that the impact was positive.
The internet and social media and your smartphone and apps do change how we communicate, but
they don't ruin relationships.
They're tools that enable your behaviours, whether you're bad or good.
It's not technology, it's you.
We are not so much addicted to our devices as we are to each other and the quantization
of those interactions.
And we have invented ways around the previous boundaries of social accessibility: time and
geography.
Jump over to Blink Pop Shift, where Emily takes a look back at the social tech of old
and asks if things are really all that different.
Let us know what you think about technology and relationships in the comments.
And if you haven't already, subscribe to BrainCraft for a new episode every other week.