NOT AT ALL.
'CAUSE I NEVER HAVE A GOOD TIME, NEVER HAVE FUN.
WE GO TO A CLUB, YOU KNOW.
GUY'LL COME OVER, "HEY, CAN I BUY YOU A DRINK ?"
THEY'RE LIKE "UH-UH, NO, NO, SHE'S MARRIED."
I'M LIKE, "YEAH, I'M MARRIED, BUT I'M THIRSTY.
"WHY DON'T YOU SHUT THE HELL UP ?
LET ME HAVE A FREE DRINK."
'CAUSE WOMEN LOVE FREE DRINKS, WE DO.
BUT I NOTICED SOMETHING,
GUYS DON'T BUY YOU FREE DRINKS LIKE THEY USED TO.
THEY DON'T, RIGHT ?
REMEMBER THE GOOD OLD DAYS ?
YOU'D GO TO YOUR LOCAL BAR,
AND THE BARTENDER WOULD COME OVER AND SAY, "EXCUSE ME, MA'AM,
"THE GENTLEMAN WAY OVER THERE IN THE CORNER,
HE WOULD LIKE TO BUY YOU A DRINK."
YOU WOULD SAY "OKAY, THANK YOU, BEAUTIFUL."
AND YOU WOULD GET YOUR DRINK,
AND THE GREATEST THING OF ALL,
HE WOULD KEEP HIS ASS WAY OVER THERE IN THE CORNER
AND LEAVE YOU THE HELL ALONE.
AND LET YOU ENJOY YOUR PEACE IN PRIVATE.
ALL YOU HAD TO DO WAS SHAKE IT AT HIM.
"THANK YOU... THANK YOU."
"NO, STAY OVER THERE."
NOW, GUYS DON'T DO THAT NOW.
UH-UH, NO, HELL NO.
A GUY BUYS YOU A DRINK NOW,
HE THINKS THAT GIVES HIM THE RIGHT
TO STALK YOU FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT.
HE'S IN YOUR FACE BEFORE THE DRINK GETS THERE.
YOU KNOW THAT GUY.
"HA, HA, HA...
"HOW YOU DOING, GIRL, HOW YOU DOING ?
"YEAH, YOU CAN CALL ME 'DRINK MAN'.
"WHAT'S YOUR NAME, WHAT'S YOUR NAME ?
"WANDA, MMM, WANNY WAN...
"WANDA, WANDA.
"I'M
FOR THAT DRINK LATER ON."
YOU GO TO THE LADIES ROOM,
YOU COME OUT, HE'S LEANING AGAINST THE SINK.
"WELL, WELL, WELL, WE MEET AGAIN.
"DRINK MAN.
"GIRL, YOU KEEP THIS UP,
I'M GONNA THINK YOU FOLLOWING ME."
YOU ON THE DANCE FLOOR, JUST HAVING A GOOD TIME.
LIKE, "WOO, YEAH," YOU TURN AROUND,
"AH, AH... REMEMBER ME ?
"DRINK MAN, UNH, YEAH.
"COME ON, GIRL, I PAID FOR THAT DRINK.
YOU OWE ME."
YOU LIKE, "LOOK, YOU GAVE ME A DRINK NOT A KIDNEY.
YOU BETTER GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME."
I THINK WITH MEN AND WOMEN,
IT COMES DOWN TO SEX, YOU KNOW ?
WE'RE ON DIFFERENT LEVELS WHEN IT COMES TO SEX.
IT'S SOMETHING IN MEN,
THAT'S WHY THERE'S STILL PEOPLE WALKING AROUND THE EARTH.
THERE'S SOMETHING INNATE.
I THINK MEN HAVE SOMETHING IN THERE, WHERE THEY'RE LIKE,
"HEY, WE GOTTA MAKE MORE PEOPLE.
WE GOTTA MAKE MORE PEOPLE, WE GOTTA MAKE MORE PEOPLE."
AND WOMEN ARE LIKE,
"WHO THE HELL GONNA TAKE CARE OF ALL THESE PEOPLE ?
HEY, GET OFF ME !"
MEN AND WOMEN,
WE'RE JUST ON DIFFERENT LEVELS WHEN IT COMES TO SEX.
LIKE, LOOK AT THE PORNO INDUSTRY.
THAT'S A BILLION-DOLLAR INDUSTRY
AND MEN SUPPORT IT, THEY ACT OUT THEIR FANTASIES.
AND WHAT'S THE #1 FANTASY FOR MOST GUYS ?
WHAT IS IT, LADIES ?
TWO WOMEN, EXACTLY, TWO GIRLS, THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT,
TWO WOMEN.
THIS GREEDY BASTARD SAID THREE.
( laughter )
THAT'S FOR INFLATION, HUH ?
THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT, TWO WOMEN.
FELLAS, I THINK THAT'S A BIT LOFTY.
'CAUSE, COME ON, THINK ABOUT IT,
IF YOU CAN'T SATISFY THAT ONE WOMAN,
WHY DO YOU WANNA PISS OFF ANOTHER ONE ?
WHY HAVE TWO ANGRY WOMEN IN THE BED WITH YOU
AT THE SAME TIME ?
THINK ABOUT IT.
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HATE TO TALK AFTER SEX.
IMAGINE HAVING TWO WOMEN JUST NAGGING YOU TO DEATH.
"SO WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ?
COME ON, LET'S TALK."
"HOLD ME.
WE NEVER CUDDLE."
THAT'S THE THING, MAN, TWO WOMEN, TWO WOMEN.
THAT'S PROOF RIGHT THERE
THAT MEN AND WOMEN ARE ON DIFFERENT LEVELS.
'CAUSE MEN CAN WATCH TWO WOMEN TOGETHER,
AND THAT'S A TURN-ON.
DOESN'T WORK THE SAME WAY FOR US, DOES IT, LADIES ?
NO, UH-UH, SEE, EVERYBODY'S "UGHHH".
NO, SEE ?
NO, DOESN'T WORK THE SAME.
YOU ASK ANY WOMAN IN HERE HER SEXUAL FANTASY,
AND I WILL BET YOU A MILLION DOLLARS
THAT IT'S NOT TO GO HOME AND CATCH YOUR MAN
BENT OVER WITH SOME BIG BURLY GUY STANDING BEHIND HIM.
"OH, YEAH.
"SAY MY NAME, SAY MY NAME !
WHO'S YOUR DADDY, WHO'S THE DADDY ?!"
WOO, THAT'LL RUIN YOUR DAY.
WHAT DO YOU SAY THERE ?
WALK IN, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE ?!"
YOU DON'T WANNA CATCH YOUR HUSBAND
SHARING A WARM BUBBLE BATH
WITH HIS NEW BOWLING PARTNER.
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT ?
YOU WALK IN,
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE ?"
"CALM DOWN, HONEY,
"I BOWLED A PERFECT GAME.
HE BOUGHT ME A DRINK."
THE GUY TURNS AROUND... "AH, HA !
"REMEMBER ME ?
YEAH... DRINK MAN !"