Should you get back with him? Should you get back with your ex?
Your first relationship is over and it probably ended for a very good reason,
but can you learn the lessons from it and can you fix the incompatibilities
that broke you up, so you can get back together and start a good relationship again?
That's the question we're answering today. Stay tuned.
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Getting back with your ex is a huge decision and it can be very tough to distinguish between
logic and emotion when you're making it. The reality is your first relationship probably
broke up for a very good reason. There's a reason he's your ex. Something was broken.
The question is, can you fix the incompatibilities that broke you up the first time and start
a new relationship using all the lessons that you learned together? That's what I'm talking
about today and in part one, I want to talk about the things you have to ask yourself
before you go back and converse with him. I'm giving you seven questions you have to
answer to distinguish between logic and emotion and understand if it's really a good idea
to get back with your ex.
Number one, what were the incompatibilities that broke you up in the first place?
This is the most important question you have to ask yourself.
You must know what the incompatibilities were, if you've got any chance of addressing them.
When you go and speak to him about starting a new relationship and
addressing these incompatibilities, you're going to need to know what they are.
So write them down. Write a list, address exactly what they are, things about him, things
about your values, things about the relationship. Understand exactly what the incompatibilities
were, and when you have them in black and white in front of you, it's going to make
them a lot easier to process. And if you do decide to go back,
a lot easier to chat about with him.
Number two, what is my vision for the relationship that I want?
So think about your vision for the relationship that you want to have in
your life long-term. Get all the basics. What does that mean?
Communication, trust, honesty, loyalty, respect, growth.
Take your ex completely out of the equation and ask yourself,
what values am I looking for in a man? Write these down.
Get a vision for the man, the values, and the relationship that you're looking for,
so you're clear if it's a good idea to go back to your ex.
Number three, what was my role in the breakup and am I ready for a new relationship? So
this is a question you would quite clearly ask yourself if it was a new man. But if you're
going to start a new relationship with your ex, you have to ask yourself this question
as well. Ask yourself, have I grown from the mistakes that I made? Was I relying on my
ex too much for my own happiness and have I resolved that? Was I putting my own insecurities
too much on the relationship? Have I resolved that? Did I give up my friends and hobbies
and things in my life during the relationship? And have I gotten those back? Ask yourself
if you're in a position where ready to start a new relationship.
Number four, are my visions compatible with my ex? So I remember the visions of the relationship
and the man that you looked at before? Think about those and also think about what you
want to achieve from your life. Ask yourself, with work and with action, does my ex potentially
meet the vision of what I want to attract in a man? With work, does our relationship
have the potential to be the relationship that I want to attract? And also ask yourself,
can I achieve what I want to achieve in my life while I'm in this relationship?
Even if you and your ex are perfect together, if you have different values, if you want to
live in the country with kids and he wants to just live in the city and not have kids,
then even though you might be perfect together, your values are totally incompatible.
Number five, am I making this decision from a place of abundance? Now, it's not essential
for you to have been with other people in the interim, but it is important that you're
choosing to go back to your ex, not just going back to him because he's the only guy available
for a relationship. You want to be making sure that you're making the decision for the
right reasons. If it's just because he's the only guy around that's open to a relationship
with you, it's not going to be the best reason to get back with him. Be brutally honest with
yourself. Ask yourself, do I have other options here? Are there potentially men out there
that are more compatible or have I explored or at least consider those other options and
I still believe my ex is the best fit for the vision that I want to achieve?
Number six, can you forgive him for being with others in the interim? If you guys have
been apart, there's the reality that he may have been with someone else in the meantime
or other people. Men tend to rebound more than do women and you have to be able to forgive that.
The fact is you guys weren't together and you can't be bringing up interim relationships
and being angry at him for it after the fact. He's allowed to do that. Can you forgive him?
It's important that you let any of that go if you're considering getting back with your ex.
Number seven, are we both enthusiastic to make this work? There is a fantastic dating
article that I have a lot of my clients read called, Fuck Yes or No. It's written by Mark
Manson, and I'll put the link in the description. I highly recommend you read it.
You want someone who's enthusiastic to be with you and this is especially relevant when
you're fixing incompatibilities from a previous relationship. It's going to take work. You
guys broke up for a reason and it's going to take action to reconcile those incompatibilities
together. If you're not enthusiastic, if he's not enthusiastic, if anyone's not coming to
the table, it's not worth getting back with your ex. Make sure that you're both enthusiastic
to work on things and enthusiastic to be together because that's what it's gonna take to build
a great new relationship.
Thank you so much for watching. Make sure you leave a comment with your thoughts,
et cetera, below. I'd love to hear them hit the thumbs up and make sure you hit that big red
subscribe button as well, and I'll see you in part two later in the week very soon.
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