- So what do you want to rap about?
- Bill Cosby! - Boston Tea Party!
- What, you're not in that section and I said,
don't be creepy or sexual.
And you said a person who embodies both of that!
(audience laughing) In a horrendous way.
So, no!
Someone else, I'll come to you in a second.
- [Woman] I have one!
- What was that?
- [Woman] Fracking!
- Fracking?
Wow!
Straight up!
Down here, who said, what?
Care more about the environment!
Fracking, okay.
When the gentleman said Bill Cosby, I mean,
it definitely was a gentleman that said it.
Someone else said something, what was it?
- [Woman] Boston Tea Party!
- Oh, rub it in!
(audience laughing) Rub it in!
The Boston Tea Party!
So, just a side note, this is just an observation I made.
I love drinking tea, I genuinely do.
And it's a very obvious gripe over here
that Americans can't make tea properly.
And, I was in Starbucks and I was like,
they put the water in the glass
and then they put the tea bag in
rather than the water on the tea bag.
And I was like, why do you that?
And the woman goes, well, I guess it goes
all the way back to the Boston Tea Party.
You put the tea bag in the water.
I was like, shut up!
You're too clever for your own good!
(audience laughs and claps)
I mean, obviously that didn't happen.
That's a joke I made up, I'm super clever.
But imagine if it did happen?
So, fracking, Boston Tea Party.
Let's come to you guys over here.
What do you want to rap about?
- [Woman] The Revolutionary War!
- Right, I'm banning any more Revolutionary War!
Any kind of...NO war that Britain has lost
is allowed to be suggested.
(audience laughing)
You can't suggest any!
We've got Boston Tea Party,
Revolutionary War [buzzer sound], ix-nay on that.
What did someone else say?
- [Man] The Hubble Telescope!
- The Hubble Telescope.
I wish I'd taken Revolutionary War now.
(audience laughing) But, Hubble Telescope.
You guys here, what do you want to rap about?
- Shoelaces! - Fly fishing!
- You said shoelaces,
that feels kind of obvious 'cause - there.
You said fly fishing, about two weeks ago
someone over there said trout fishing.
That feels a bit too close for comfort!
Don't be a real fool and be like,
well technically, you'd never try and fish
for trout with a fly.
You wouldn't catch one!
Although, you would, wouldn't you?
Because it's a river fish, right?
I know about that.
(audience laughing)
Absolute nerd!
Let's get someone else.
- AK-47! - Skinning a cat!
- What?
(audience laughing)
AK-47 and skinning a cat?
Nice- yeah!
I mean, we can combine those.
So, we can have Hubble Telescope, The Boston Tea Party,
fracking, and skinning a cat with an AK-47.
(audience laughing)
All right, fine!
This, then, you beautiful...
Did you say this was going to be a bad rap?
How dare you?!
(audience laughing)
What, you look at me and go, I bet he can't rap?
I mean, you might be right, we'll find out.
(audience laughing)
This then, lovely people of the Comedy and Magic Club
in Hermosa Beach, to close out the show,
is a little thing called a freestyle rap.
That is a rap made up on the spot
based entirely on those suggestions.
(audience whooping)
It's gonna be pretty good, I hope.
Let's drop that beat.
Let's see how we do with this bunch
of stuff you've given me.
And you can pump that up a little bit as well.
Fracking, Hubble Telescope, Boston Tea Party,
and skinning a cat with an AK-47.
We'll try and manage.
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ I'm going at 'em ♪
♪ I'm out on the East coast ♪
♪ Man, Sam Adams, not the beer from the brewery ♪
♪ I'm a rebel leader ♪
♪ Get to the boats in the harbour ♪
♪ I need to get a box of tea ♪
♪ And dump it in the harbour, put it right into the sea ♪
♪ The British, they be saying, we gotta tax you ♪
♪ But no representation, so we'll attack you ♪
♪ Out of the way you whinging' Poms ♪
♪ Your ship was yours, but now we're boarding on ♪
♪ We gettin' all the tea bags off the ships ♪
♪ Brands of tea in my country include ♪
♪ PG Tips, Typhoo, but no Twinings ♪
♪ The flavour of the blend's not to my liking ♪
♪ You can throw that in the water before ♪
♪ Sorry that we can't do Revolutionary War ♪
♪ Yeah, talking 'bout the things I've seen before ♪
♪ Turn the volume up I need it, yeah, from one to four ♪
♪ I'm looking at the universe, so far away ♪
♪ Peering through a massive glass right into space ♪
♪ Put it on a rocket send it out into the night ♪
♪ I've got the hope for the telescope ♪
♪ It's like a satellite 'cause it's floatin' ♪
♪ The other side of the galaxy ♪
♪ Hubble, he was the guy who set it free ♪
♪ Well, technically not, it was named after him ♪
♪ People in NASA Space Space Station, Cape Canaveral ♪
♪ Tryin' to get a look with the photos ♪
♪ And the photons send back we go ♪
♪ Ooh, such an amazing thing ♪
♪ It can peer through the rocks in Saturn's rings ♪
[Audience member howls] ♪ And the asteroid belt, howling like a dog ♪
♪ Howling like a cat, when I skin it really odd way ♪
♪ I don't use a knife, I don't use a sickle ♪
♪ I don't use, hmm, an icicle ♪
♪ I use a massive assault rifle ♪
♪ Got it from Moscow, it's vital ♪
♪ signs have gone, because the cat is deceased ♪
♪ I'm like an evil Schrödinger, say the least ♪
♪ I leave the cat dead, splayed out, look at it ♪
♪ You never thought I'd skin a cat with a full clip ♪
♪ But I do it, yeah, I'm running it through ♪
♪ It's on the ground, thirty round a second ♪
♪ Going through you ♪
♪ Fully automatic, it's never on semi ♪
♪ I'm sorry that this section of the rap is unpleasant ♪
♪ But blame this guy, that's what I mean ♪
♪ Why do you use a 47, not an AR-15? ♪
♪ Or be Dirty Harry with a magnum ♪
♪ I shoot a full round right up the cat's bum ♪
♪ It's going right through the back and out of its mouth ♪
♪ The bullet passes through the cat ♪
♪ And shoots up a mouse ♪
♪ It's so horrible ♪
♪ Yeah, that is what I'm talking ♪
♪ Let me get some shale gas so I'll start fracking ♪
♪ Ow, I'm drilling down deep in the soil ♪
♪ All the environment will totally be spoiled ♪
♪ If you let this happen, make no mistakes ♪
♪ If you frack you're gonna get more earthquakes ♪
♪ In haste we need to ban it, get in that position ♪
♪ I'm standing on Hollywood Boulevard ♪
♪ A petition in my hand ♪
♪ But, my signatures are lacking ♪
♪ Cause as you demonstrated, no one knows about fracking ♪
♪ Whut! ♪
(audience applauding)