- I really don't think we need a Costco membership.
- Yeah, Costco is for like doomsday preppers.
- Or people in offices that buy Brownie Bites
for the break room.
- I don't need to buy my socks in bulk.
- I know, right?
- Don't they sell food you get for a bomb shelter?
- Like freeze-dried beef stroganoff, hard pass.
- I don't know if I wanna get my IPA's from Kirkland brand.
- And where would we even put that much toilet paper?
- I don't know, but we definitely don't need
a 20 pound wheel of cheese.
- That sounds very binding.
- Okay, fine.
- We'll just go real quick just to check it out.
- But I'm not gonna be that guy who goes there
for five things and walks out with like 40.
- We're just going to stock the freezer.
- You are making me eat a lot of salad now.
I guess if it's cheaper to get it there, well, yeah, sure.
- The kids go through fruit like crazy.
- I guess we can get some eggs.
- And there's a whole wine situation
everyone's talking about.
- You know what we do need a lot of?
Batteries, definitely get batteries.
- Five things.
- In and out. - Do you think we need a cart?
- No. - No, right?
- We're getting like five things.
- These things are huge.
- No.
- Yeah, let's just go in.
(dramatic music) - We're gonna need a cart.
I'm sorry, they sell yoga pants here?
I heard Lululemon actually makes these.
Add to cart.
- 16 pairs.
- Yes!
- I may never have to buy socks again.
- And it's gonna cut down on laundry.
Honey, they have your vitamins here.
Do you think you'll take 400 before they expire in August?
- It's a pretty good price on hummus.
It's a pretty good price on ta-zat-za-zu-zicky.
Pretty good price on charcoal.
It's a real good price on Funyuns.
This is an amazing price for 40 Drumsticks.
- I mean, we should definitely get paper towels, right?
- Yes. - Should we just get two?
- Definitely. - I mean, while we're here.
- That way we have it. You know what?
Why not get a giant tub of pretzel snacks?
- I know, right?
- Sounds fun, right?
- Shouldn't we get two?
- Whoa, $4.99 for chicken.
You know, we should get like 7 of these, right?
- Yes.
We do need a new couch.
This one comes in a box, but I'm not gonna question it.
Girls Scout Thin Mint almonds.
- You're blowing my mind right now.
- It's practically a health food.
- Honey, that's a great deal on pepper spray.
- Yes, let's totally get it.
- This could be you!
- I don't even really jog and I don't leave the house,
but that's an amazing idea.
A Disney sleeper set.
Do you know how much money they charge
for this at the parks?
I'll show them.
- Honey, for $80, $100 of ham.
- Should we get a new mattress?
- I don't like it.
- I mean, ours is only two years old, but should we?
- I love it!
- It'll totally fit in the car.
Honey, fireworks.
- Oh, yeah!
- Aren't they illegal in our state?
- Probably.
- Huh.
- Get them in there.
What, an atomic wall clock?
- Yes! - That shows you where
the constellations are.
- I've been looking for something like that.
- It tells time with atoms.
- It's practically magic.
- We will always know where Cassiopeia is.
- That's my favorite constellation.
You know, we need a place to keep our passports.
It can fit on your side of the closet.
I know we don't even play golf,
but if we did, we would have them.
It would just be nice to have.
- Honey, this is the best deal on kitty litter
I've ever seen. I know we don't have a cat.
- We should totally get a cat.
- We should get one. - I mean, for the deal.
We can't afford not to buy a cat.
Convertible chaise lounge.
- Stop it.
- It's a chair, it's a cart, it's both.
- By stop it, I mean keep going.
- Look at the size of these wheels!
- I don't wanna carry my chair.
- When would we not use this?
- Carrying things is stupid.
- Should we get two?
- Yep.
Honey, an inflatable stand-up paddleboard.
- I'm gonna stop you right there.
Put it in the cart.
(upbeat music)
- Do they not have bags?
- What am I gonna do with all this beef jerky?
Just a lot of rolling around beef jerky in the back seat?
It'll be fine.
It'll totally fit.
Is it important that we see out of the back window?
- No. - No.
- Do you remember why he bought that?
- I don't remember why I bought this.
No!
- How are we supposed to?
- Perfect.
They really should give you bags.
This isn't fitting.
Can we just take them out? - Take 'em out of the box.
- Double take-y out-y.
- You just can't put anything else in here.
- Nope.
Okay.
Hold on.
We didn't get anything on our list.
- I think we need to go back. - Okay.
Can we bring the big car?
- Why?
- It says here you can buy coffins.
- Whoa!
- I mean- - Sure!
- We're gonna need it.
- We're both gonna die.
- Nice to have it on hand.
- Certainly, I don't want my IPA's from Kirkland brand.
They're not nearly as floral bouquet-ish.
Don't double dry hop.
Kirkland, meh!
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(upbeat music)