When people ask me what the worst roller coaster I’ve ever ridden is, there’s one coaster
that comes to mind- Coaster Express at Parque Warner Madrid in Spain.
And it’s not even close.
This roller coaster is the epitome of a disaster.
Let me begin by saying I have an extreme tolerance for rough wooden roller coasters.
I can tolerate almost any wooden roller coaster.
Hades 360?
Amazing.
Predator and Zeus?
Great!
Grizzly, Wilde Beast, and Mighty Candian Minebuster?
Not good, but smooth enough.
Bandit?
Bumpy but ridable.
I finally hit my limit with Coaster Express.
This ride is painful!
Coaster Express opened in 2002 with Parque Warner Madrid.
And this was the last roller coaster ever built by the infamous Roller Coaster Corporation
of America.
So you could say this company went out with a bang.
The Roller Coaster Corporation of America, or RCCA for short, designed 7 coasters in
total.
Coaster Express is one of three still operating, joining Montezum at Hopi Hari in Brazil and
Bandit at Movie Park Germany.
And their portfolio also included the original Rattler at Six Flags Fiesta Texas, White Canyon
at Yomiuriland, Magnus Colossus at Terra Mitica, and Son of Beast at Kings Island.
And what do all 7 of these coasters have in common?
They are regarded to be some of the roughest wooden coasters in the world.
I have only had the misfortune of riding two coasters from RCCA in Bandit and Coaster Express.
But as I hinted at earlier, Bandit wasn’t what I’d call brutal.
I know that coaster has a reputation for being among the worst wooden coasters in the world,
but I didn’t find it unbearable.
Rather, I found Bandit to be slow and boring.
Going into Coaster Express, I erroneously thought this coaster was another Coney Island
Cyclone clone like Bandit.
For some reason, I thought Bandit and Coaster Express were sister coasters.
So imagine my shock to see a giant twister that looked like a smaller Son of Beast minus
the loop.
And smaller probably isn’t the right word to describe Coaster Express since this is
a giant ride.
This coaster stands 120 feet tall (or 36.5 meters), boasts a top speed of 59 mph (or
95 kph), and a total track length of 4574 feet (or 1394 meters).
And it has a dense wooden structure a la Mean Streak.
And like Mean Streak, this coaster also has a mean streak.
One of the biggest issues with this coaster are the Intamin trains and specifically the
Intamin T-bar restraints.
99% of the time, the Intamin T-bar is one of my favorite restraints in the world.
The T-bars are extremely freeing and really allow you to experience airtime.
Typically you’ll find the Intamin T-bar on Intamin’s glass-smooth coasters.
Coaster Express is anything but glass smooth.
Coaster Express uses those T-bars as instruments of pain.
If you’re familiar with the T-bar, you know the restraint has a metal bar between the
legs of riders.
And that’s a major problem for a coaster that jackhammers like Coaster Express.
My calves, thighs, and legs mercilessly kept slamming into the center bar.
It felt like my legs had been pummeled almost a hundred times by a baseball bat by the time
the ride ended.
But Coaster Express offers so much more than just leg pain.
Head pain?
You bet.
This ride is imperfectly engineered so you’ll come off with a headache from the shoddy trackwork.
Back pain?
For sure.
This coaster feels like it has square wheels.
And the scariest part is that Parque Warner Madrid knows this coaster is brutal and they
pull out all the stops.
But it’s no use.
A slow lift?
Better.
Coaster Express actually brings you to a full and complete stop atop the lift for a good
15-20 seconds.
I’d say it’s to take in the view, but you’re literally staring at an empty desert
atop the lift.
What about trim brakes?
Several scattered about the layout.
But none of this matters.
Coaster Express will destroy you.
It’s also worth considering the climate of Madrid and the conditions you’ll be riding
Coaster Express in.
I visited during the sizzling hot summer when the heat index was over 100 degrees Fahrenheit,
or 38 degrees Celsius.
Those are not the most pleasant conditions for riding a roller coaster, especially one
as rough as Coaster Express.
My first ride was in the front row.
I wasn’t dumb enough to start with a wheel seat.
Coaster Express begins with a supersized helix.
It’s non-stop jackhammering and I don’t know a lot of Spanish, but the screams of
pain behind me were universal.
This helix may have offered some laterals, but I couldn’t separate those from the slams
caused by the ride’s bumpiness.
Coaster Express follows this helix with a giant camelback.
It feels like the train will stall out so you can forget about airtime.
Well, unless you count the nonstop jackhammering.
It’s impressive how much jackhammering a hill that slow can deliver.
That’s followed by a giant turnaround that is yet another violent element.
It’s at this point I noticed another feature with Coaster Express.
The hot air seems to congregate in the valleys, so the lowest points of the ride feel like
you’re being blasted in the face by a hot furnace.
That just adds salt to the wound.
Coaster Express then crawls through another helix that’s equally as brutal as the first.
Again, this helix may have offered laterals, but the jackhammering was so bad and constant
there was no way to distinguish the laterals from bumps.
That’s followed by the finale.
You have a bunny hill followed by a turnaround followed by another bunny hill and another
turnaround.
The two bunny hills are easily the smoothest part of the ride since they’re the lone
bits of straight track.
Now these hills are still rougher than any bunny hill should ever be, but they do offer
meager pops of airtime.
But the slight enjoyment of those hills are negated by the violent slams on the subsequent
turnarounds.
When the train hit the brake run, I felt like I had gone 10 rounds with Mike Tyson.
Everything hurt.
I probably shouldn’t have ridden Coaster Express a second time, but I foolishly asked
myself the question how much worse it could be in the very back row.
That was a mistake.
It was even rougher.
I don’t have a history of back issues, but it felt like I did when I got off that train.
And that’s exactly how I wanted to feel before boarding a trans-Atlantic flight later
that afternoon.
So what would I rate Coaster Express?
This coaster isn’t getting a 1.
No, this coaster is getting a 0.
This coaster is slow, rough, and painful.
Now I’d say Coaster Express needs to burn in the Spanish sun and combust into flames,
but I’m holding out hope RMC can one day do something with this colossal structure.
Those are my thoughts on Coaster Express, which is easily the worst roller coaster I
have ever ridden.
What’s the roughest roller coaster you’ve ever ridden?
I’d love to hear your thoughts about Coaster Express or any of RCCA’s offerings down
below in the comments.
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Thanks for listening!