- Hey ya player, have you every had a crush
on someone that you wanted to ask out but
the problem was they were dating someone else?
How do you get over those feelings?
How do you move on knowing that they're
with someone and you can't be with them right now?
I'm going to explain my tips on how to get
through that step-by-step right after this.
(♪ this is the Josh speaks your watching to just speak)
Now some people might call it an obsession,
but obsession sounds like a really strong word.
What is called when you just can't stop
thinking about them, you want to be with them
every second of the day, you're writing their name
down in your book, you're talking to yourself
about how you want to ask them out.
That's not obsession, right?
You can call it whatever you want
but the problem still remains.
You can't stop thinking about them and you want
to be with them but they're with someone else.
So, the very first step I always recommend people that
they should take is to unfollow them
on social media or just mute their posts.
The more you look at their pages,
the more you see the things that they post
the more you're going to get invested in their life
and continue thinking about them.
I know there's a real fear of missing out
if you unfollow them because what if
they break up with that person and you're not there
to catch them and go out with them.
Or, what if they are having a bad day
and you're not there to help them through it.
The fact is, you're always putting yourself
in a scenario where you can jump in
and you can be a part of their life,
but if they're with someone else for now,
the best thing for you to do is to detach yourself,
to focus on your own growth and your own development
and even talking to other people.
Because the more you obsess over them,
the more you continuously look to their feed,
like their pictures, comment on them,
and interact with them, the harder it's going
to be for you to get over them.
Now I really wouldn't recommend blocking them
because blocking might lead to them asking you
questions like, "Why am I blocked?"
which involves you again in their lives
which is what you not trying to do here.
So, the second step is to make an outline
of your hobbies and your interests and to pursue them.
A lot of times people stay obsessed with their
crush because that's the only thing in their lives,
but if you have things you enjoy doing,
things you can pursue, I think that's going to help take
the focus and attention from your crush
and put it on things that are better for yourself.
Look, even if you tell yourself you're going
to read a hundred books and play
a thousand different sports, you're still going
to have intrusive thoughts about
your crush pop in from time to time.
But by having a place to redirect them to, telling yourself
"Wow, I'm thinking about them again.
Let me go and play a sport.
Hey, let me go read a book.
Let me go do something else.",
you're able to kind of shift your focus
and shift your attention.
This isn't a matter of just, boom
they're gone from your head, it's a matter
of training yourself to rewire your activity
every single time those thoughts pop up.
Because when they do it might start bringing you down
and making you think that they're the only person for you,
which leads to step three, which is to pursue new crushes.
I know you may not currently like anyone else,
but the whole purpose of this is to go out
and meet new people, make new friends,
get to know people and see how
you can develop new crushes on them.
Be honest here, have you ever told yourself that
the person that you currently like is perfect?
Answer in the poll right there.
But, a lot of times we do this
simply because we don't really know
as many people in comparison to them.
So by putting yourself out there and meeting new people,
you're able to kind of compare
and contrast different people.
Now, at the end of the day you might still tell
yourself that this crush is still better than everyone else,
but the fact remains, by meeting new people you expand
your options and potential for meeting someone new.
Plus, it allows you to also shift your focus
and attention from that crush again.
And you're definitely going to start to look
at that crush differently as you meet new people.
You will start to say things like,
"Well, this other person is a lot funnier than my crush.
This other person is a lot more outgoing, wow.
These other people have these other traits
that my crush doesn't really rank number one on."
But what do you do in situations where you do go
back to interacting with your crush?
Maybe it's against your own choices.
You see them in class, you see them in the hallway,
they come up to you, any of these type of scenarios
leads to step number four, which is to be calm
and casual every single time you interact with them.
Now if the two of you were friends before,
it's going to be hard to just walk away
and pretend like that friendship never happened.
There will be moments where you will interact with them,
so in those moments try not to dig too deep
into their story and what's going on with them,
because the more you learn the more those thoughts
are going to stay rested in your mind.
Maybe they're going to mention something
about having a boyfriend or a girlfriend.
They may even mention something about being happy
or being sad, anything that they say it's going to get
plugged into your mind and you're going
to have to recode it all over again.
In those situations just try to keep
the conversation short if you can.
Try not to reveal too much about what's going on
in your life and how you're pursuing other people,
so you sound like your boasting because
that might lead to them talking about their life,
and that's the last thing you really
want to learn too much about.
So try to keep it very, very short, very, very simple.
Have basic conversations with them,
and if you can, walk away and let them go.
But I think step five is the most important
step to follow here because this is one that's
going to make or break your obsession with your crush.
And that's to set strong boundaries for yourself.
A lot of times people want to fall into friendships
with their crush thinking if I'm close to them,
if I'm in their lives, then when they do break up
they're going to choose me next, but what ends up
actually happening is you end up getting friend-zoned.
The closer you become to that person as their friend,
the harder it's going to be for them to break
you out of that role in their mind,
if they do break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend.
It's going to be harder for them to transition
into looking at you as someone to potentially date
if you're such a close friend, because they don't
want to lose that friendship bond in the potential
that you guys can date and it might not work out.
That's why separating yourself from them
and doing your own thing is key,
because as you get older and as time moves on,
when you do reconnect with them later in the future
they're going to see you as a different person, a person
that's grown, a person that's mature, a person
that knows what they want, and that's a potential
person that they may be interested in, where as
the original person they knew back then wasn't.
Ultimately, what this all boils down to is
if you're crush is dating someone and you want
to get over your obsession with them,
you're going to need to let them go.
I know I've said it multiple times in this video,
and I probably need to say it multiple more,
but the fact is, they're not ready to go out with you
and you're not in a place where you're able
to kind of let them go if you need to.
You never want to be so obsessed with a person
that you just can't stop thinking about them
and you're directing your life
in a way that doesn't involve them.
You want to have control of yourself.
And the first step here is to work on your obsession.
Guys, what I want you to do is to check out
the video right there on the side
and go more into dealing with obsession with your crush
and check out the playlist underneath it
so you can learn how to be your best self,
how you can better yourself in this world
and not be tied to another person.
And then, you guys, I'll catch you tomorrow.
As always, love and peace.